The Pain.....

 Of getting old! I tell myself that age is just a number but my body thinks otherwise!

I think I pulled a muscle on my left side.  I picked up one of the cats and felt something pull as I stood up. That was on Wednesday, Thursday the pain started, Thursday night I couldn't sleep. But I still went to the other house on Friday.   Then another night of no sleep.

And of course, today starts 10 days holiday for me!  I can't win sometimes!  Christopher has gone to see if he can get some stronger painkillers!

I managed to get some of the boxes out of the last small room, most were empty.  I put together a few more bags to take to the trash place and had another look at the bees.  Still wondering what to do.  When we moved there, about 16 years ago, we had the same problem!  Hisao bought some spray and just sprayed it into the vent, I'm not that brave!

I don't know if you can see the bees but this is the vent they are using!  I think I'll get some net to put over and then spray them.  I honestly don't know what else to do.  I want this fixed as soon as possible as it's under the tatami room.  I want to see if I can take up the tatami mats and the floor underneath to check the foundation.  Termites are a big problem in Japan and I want to make sure that we don't have that problem!

Also, there are more cracks.

Crack in the foundation

This has been there for a long time but it was just the top part.  Where it turns and goes down is new.  We had a small earthquake the other week and I think it shook the house just enough to make this crack grow!

another crack

This is near the front door and completely new.

I wish I had the money to take this house down and rebuild but that is a pipe dream!

I took some photos of the outside.  When the weather is nice it is a good place. I guess everywhere looks miserable in the rain.

The side of the house

driveway

the mountains

I want to take out most of the trees in front of the house and put up a deck.  There is already too much shade from the roof and having so many trees just cuts what little bit of sunlight we might get!  Also, I can dream of BBQs and building a pizza oven!

And I saw a ladybird!  I haven't seen these in years!

little ladybird

After the house, I went shopping on the way home. There's a supermarket nearby that has cheap meat, a lot cheaper than near where we live now.  I had a laugh at the sign on the bananas.  The label on the bananas said 'Go For It' the staff tried to copy that but messed up.

What is 'Fo'?

Feeling Better

 After my last post, I decided that I really don't have time to deal with depression.

So I gave myself a good talking to and walked to the store with Hannah to buy something for dinner.  Just that little walk helped me a lot.

Yesterday I got up at 5am to get Hannah's breakfast, 3 mornings a week she is working at a nursery, she starts at 7:30.  While Hannah got ready I did some exercises.  I found a gentle chair yoga video to do.  The last exercise is stretching your hands over your head as you breathe in, putting your hands together in a prayer pose, breathing out, and bringing your hands down.  As you do this the instructor asks you to think of something you are grateful for.  Nice way to end an exercise session.  I managed to clean the floor and made lasagna for lunch.

lasagna for lunch

I also made a nice chicken salad for dinner.  All in all a good day.

This morning's plan was to go to the other house but it was pouring down with rain and trying to get anything done in the rain is difficult.  So I canceled those plans.  I've spent the morning reading and cleaning.  This afternoon I have to sort out one room that has become a dumping ground.  I don't know if this happens in other people's houses but I always seem to have a room that is the place where things that don't have a home end up!!  I know it's a bad habit that I have but it's just so easy to move things out of the living area into a room that isn't used very often!!  Also, I need to think about packing things to take to the other house.  I'm hoping to have gas, electricity, and water on again by May so I can start to clean and fix things.  I plan to bring things we don't use every time we go.  Things like the bakeware that I don't use in the summer can be boxed up, and winter clothes and blankets as well.  

I really don't have time to be depressed or sick!!!

The end of April and the beginning of May is the Golden Week holiday.  There are 4 national holidays and is one of the biggest holiday seasons in Japan.  The warm weather is just right for getting out and going places.  One problem is that everybody has the same idea.  Anywhere that is famous or popular will be packed, even getting to the toilet can take up to an hour.  I don't go out during this holiday, even shopping can be hard.  I was hoping to use the holiday to finish the other house but Mikey is working and using the car.  So my plan is to clean here and just relax, read, and watch TV.  I'll let you know how that goes!!!!

Depression

 So it's started.

I've suffered from depression most of my life.  I understand now that there isn't that much I can do about it, just wait until it passes.

It's not just feeling sad, it's a feeling of having no energy whatsoever, even the easiest of tasks takes so much energy.  For example, this morning I vacuumed one room and felt exhausted!  Most days I can clean, cook, and teach.  I do take more breaks than I used to but I can get things done.  But since Saturday it has taken an effort just to get out of bed.  At first, I thought I was just tired from Friday's cleaning at the other house but then I realized that I had no interest in doing other things, even watching TV felt too difficult.

Part of this is our money situation.  We have no money at all.  I struggle each month just to make the bills. The kids help out but their wages are low, even working extra they still only make about  600 pounds (and that is a good wage).  Actually, most people in Japan need two jobs to make ends meet. One knock effect of this is that people aren't coming for English lessons.  We haven't had any new students at all this past month which is very unusual as April is the start of the school year here and parents want extra help for their kids.  We are still advertising, I've asked David to update our web page to include online lessons!  But we aren't the only ones not getting new students, a lot of similar small companies teaching English are struggling!

I've looked at making money online but everything is US or UK-centered, most companies won't pay to Japan.  Even doing things like surveys aren't available here, there are some in Japanese but I can't read that much.  I know they don't pay much but even getting a few Amazon gift cards would help pay for the cat food.

All the things I have to pay for at the other house weigh heavy on me!  I know that once we move there I will save on the rent money but I have to pay for things before we move there.  The bee hive (I think they are more like wasps) needs to be taken out.  The minimum cost is over 60 pounds, but the nest is in a place that is difficult to access, so maybe a lot more!  The cracks in the foundation need to be checked and sealed up before winter,  I have no idea that cost!

Then there's Hannah.  She is going to graduate school form next year.  I would to help her with buying things for her apartment. I know I don't have to but it would be nice!

The weather isn't helping either.  It's raining and starting to get humid!  

David with the cats!!!

I'll try to post something happier another day!!

David

 David has been working at an internet cafe for a few years now.

The place he works has individual rooms that can be rented, karaoke rooms, and other amusements.  They also serve meals, as long as it can be fried or done in the microwave.  The place is registered as a hotel and is near the highway exit.  When the weather is very bad (especially typhoons when the highway has to close) the cafe can get very busy.

He enjoys working there but has to put up with some rather interesting situations.  He told me that a least twice a month he has to call the police. 

Last summer an older man locked himself out of the room he was renting, that was no problem but he was wandering around in his underwear!

The other week a customer said the Wi-Fi had stopped working.  David said that he put the customer onto another computer while he checked what had happened.  The customer started on about the cafe being hacked and the Russians were behind it.  David laughed but then realized that the customer was serious.

Last week they had a very interesting customer!!

An owl!!  It just walked in and sat in the middle of the floor.

David managed to get it back outside, it was very sleepy.

After work, David went to check on it but it had gone.

Being Tested

 First of all, we had an earthquake Wednesday night.  The epicenter was in the sea between Kyushu and Shikoku.  The center was M6.6.  Here it was about an M3.  I had just fallen asleep when the earthquake alarm went off on my phone.  This is a good system but it's rather scary to be woken up by the phone shouting, in Japanese, there's an earthquake, there's an earthquake.  I didn't feel so much but the light was swaying like crazy.  My biggest problem with earthquakes is there unpredictability.  We get typhoons, which can be scary but at least I know when it will come and when it will finish.  I can prepare and then just wait out the storm.  Earthquakes just happen and when it's a big one there will be after shocks.

I am really trying to be positive about moving, but every time I go to the other house I find another problem. 

Yesterday I found that there is a bee hive under the house in the crawl space.  The bees are using the air vents to get in and out.  I need to deal with this quickly.  Also found more cracks in the base of the house.  There was a small crack before but it has grown and branched out, maybe Wednesday night's earthquake.  Again something that needs to be seen to sooner rather than later.  

David went on Friday and got a lot done.  He managed to get the horrible carpet up from the dining area.  He also burnt most of the stuff.  I could actually see some progress.  We have bags to take to the city trash place, which will be after the Golden Week holiday.  April is the month when many people move house so the trash place is very busy!

dining area is cleaned out

having a break

banana peel?

We got there before 8am by 9:30 I was tired and desperate for the toilet.  David and I went to the local supermarket and got some cold drinks and something to eat.  We sat outside, it was so nice, just the right weather to enjoy the quiet and bird song.  I'm thinking of taking down some of the bigger trees in front of the windows and making space for a BBQ, Christopher wants to build a pizza oven.

More lovely flowers.  It's going to take a lot of time and effort to get the garden back but something else to work on!

Again I think I overdid it!!  I ache and feel very tired but at the same time, I feel that we did a lot of good!!

I'm Trying

 I really am but Japanese bureaucracy drives me crazy.  I just want to give up and stay here!

We can't use the local city trash place because our address is in the next city.  It's a problem but we can use the trash place where we live, it just means driving a bit further.  The next problem is that we can't get the sewage system set up because we aren't living there.  That is crazy, even David explained that we are moving there in October and our address will officially change then they won't set up the sewage system.  So I would like to know how to clean the house without a place to throw out the dirty water.  I feel like screaming.  I was hoping not to have to go to the city hall but looks like I will have to spend a few hours filling out loads of forms to change my address before we move.  My experience with that city hall is not good at all.  It's a 20-floor building and trying to find the right department for things is a nightmare.  When my mother-in-law was in the hospital and needed to go into an old people's home David and I spent an hour going to different departments to get answers.  We finally gave up and asked at the hospital what to do.  They arranged a meeting with 10 other people, I asked who they were and what department they represented but they didn't answer, so I asked why are you here and again no answer.  We talked and only two people answered the questions we had.  Again bureaucracy gone crazy!!  The problem with my mother-in-law was that on paper she looked rich, she owned her own house and land but the reality was she had no money.  I still have a bad taste in my mouth from that.  Still, it looks like I'll have to go and see to it!

Yesterday Hannah got sick.  She woke up with a sore throat but no fever so she went to the nursery where she is working part time.  Came back at lunchtime with a 38C fever.  She has managed to sleep and feels a bit better today, her fever is down, which is good.  She always gets very high fevers, which is a worry. 

I'm also feeling rather done in.  I ache from all the cleaning at both houses plus my allergies have kicked in.  I'm coughing and sneezing plus I have ear ache.  I love spring but I could do without the allergies.

Alfie and Fluffy

These two got me into trouble the other day.  Hannah was sitting on this seat, I asked her to make some tea, as soon as she got up they got on.  I told Hannah to move them instead of moaning at me, she said that they looked too comfortable, so she sat on the floor!!

Oh Bother

I have another video to put on but I keep getting an error message.  I tried to edit it so that it's smaller but it didn't work.  I think I'll do a few more and then upload them to YouTube.  Looks like learning how to edit, do voice-over, and put on subtitles.  Might take a couple of weeks so be patient with me!

On the way back on Friday I stopped by a supermarket that I hadn't been into for years.  I was pleasantly surprised by the big selection of fresh fish!  Fish is popular in Japan but recently it has become very expensive and there doesn't seem to be as much selection as before!

I bought some cod (I think it was cod, it was a nice fleshy white fish) and made beer-battered fish for lunch on Saturday.  

Beer-battered fish

I usually do chips but the supermarket had these lovely big potatoes so I decided on baked potatoes and of course, green peas, which are hard to get here.  I've only seen them in one store!!

I'm making a roast for today's lunch, then I'm taking it easy!  I've already cleaned the windows and am doing a second load of laundry. The weather is nice but it's going to be rather warm this afternoon, up to 28C.   It's really spring!

Next week is going to be another busy week, I hope to get to the city hall tomorrow to sort out the sewage situation, and at least two days cleaning out the last trash from the other house.  Also, I want to do some more cleaning and sorting here.  I need a lot more energy!!  The kids are helping but they have work as well, so trying to do things around 5 different schedules is like a juggling act!

Blog vs Vlog

 I enjoy writing this blog.  I enjoy the process of writing, ordering my thoughts so they make sense to others, finding photos, and seeing the end result.  I also enjoy the feedback and help I've gotten from people.

Recently, however, I've noticed that vlogging is becoming very popular.  Maybe it's just me as I know vlogging has been around for a while but I haven't been so aware of it.

There are a few types of vlogs that I like to watch.  One is about Aikya, which, means an empty house.  These are properties where the owner has died and either there are no relatives to inherit the property or they aren't interested in the property.  Even though Akiya are found everywhere in Japan, the videos I have been watching are about young people who have bought these houses in the countryside, wanting a slow lifestyle after being burnt out in corporate Japan.  The houses themselves are cheap to buy but the new owners have to spend a lot to renovate the house.  The end result is a nice house in the countryside.  I like the time-lapse videos, one year in half an hour.  They also make the process look easy, which it isn't! 

The other ones I watch are Japanese ladies, two are closer to my age and the other is a mother with five young children.  The lady with five children has interesting recipes and I have gotten a lot of new ideas from her videos.

The two older ladies are living a slow life, enjoying gardening, cooking, and life in the countryside.  Again many ideas for cooking and gardening.  Also, they seem so happy and grateful for their lifestyle, something I need.

Yesterday when we went to the other house I decided that I should take some videos, maybe make a YouTube channel.  I mean how hard can it be?  A lot harder than I thought.  My first attempt had me tripping over things.  So I asked Christopher to do the video, while commentated.  That worked out a bit better but I really don't like my voice.  I've watched the video but turned the sound down.

Here is that video.

 A few things to point out.  The tatami room has the Buddhist altar in it, and the dining room has the Kamidana, the Shinto God Shelf.  Also when I'm showing the kitchen/ dining room from the bathroom there is a wall fan on the right-hand side that looks gray/black.  It's actually white!!  That's how much dust and dirt has accumulated in the house.  The piles of stuff in the dining room are about a quarter of when we started.  It took me ages to figure out what to do with the stuff that we can't burn.  Smaller things I've put into the city trash bags and bought them back here to dispose of.  The larger things we will take to the dump.  But I want to wait until after the Golden Week holiday.  April is the month that a lot of people move house so the trash place is very busy, up to an hour wait!  The last room is what all the rooms looked like when we started, so I think we've done well.

I also like the idea of having a record of what we are doing and how things are progressing.  Every time I go there I feel as if nothing has been done so being able to look back and see how far we have come might help!

This is going to be a learning curve but I think it will be good for me!

I took a few photos as well of the yard, as there are some beautiful flowers!

A lot of color!

What A Morning

At the other house, we have a load of trash that can't be burnt.   I've spent hours going down a rabbit hole of web pages to figure out how to get rid of this trash. I found the trash disposal place in the city where the other house is but we don't have ID for that city so we can't use it.  So I thought about leaving the trash until we move and get ID.  Then I realized that a lot of the stuff, plastic bowls, plastic baskets, glass bottles, and plastic bags are things I throw into the city trash bags that we use here.  In Japan, each city has its own trash bags,  we have to buy them and that is how the trash collection is paid for.  So this morning I filled 5 big bags and bought them back here.  Not the best thing but at least I got rid of some more stuff!!

This morning turned out to be rather crazy.

First I overslept.  I had set my alarm for 5:30 so I could make breakfast but I didn't get up until almost 6 o'clock!  I made Hannah a quick breakfast and decided to pick up something for Mikey, Christopher and myself on the way. 

The plan was to drop off Hannah at the train station and then go to the other house.  We took off but Mikey wasn't going toward the train station. I asked where he was going he said to the nursery where Hannah is working!  He had to turn round and dash to the station.  She made the train okay!

We got to the other house and started to burn stuff and put the other trash into the bags.  Filled up 6 bags.  I went to finish gathering stuff from the bathroom.  I found a newspaper that was used for covering the shelf, the date was 1994.  I had to carefully fold the newspaper as there was so much dust on it.  I was really getting into the swing of things, finding what I could do.  Suddenly Mikey appeared shouting for me.  He really knows how to make me panic.  He was shouting "Mom, Mom, we have a big problem"  Of course my first thought was something had happened to Hannah or David.  I went running outside ( I can run, especially if I think something awful has happened or I see a bug).  Mikey was looking at his phone, so I was really worried. He said that we had a volunteer class at one of the community centers near where we live at 10am, it was about 9:30, and it takes at least 40 minutes between cities.  We had no teaching materials, no lesson plan, nothing.  I was feeling rather grubby, covered in dust, and a bit sweaty. 

I think Mikey broke the speed limit on the way there.  But we got there just a few minutes late and did an okay lesson.  

So what I thought would be a good morning of cleaning turned out to be a rather chaotic morning.  Never mind!

Two of my husbands paintings are hanging in the bathroom.  I need them to find a better place for them but one is rather strange.

This is nice

This is the strange one!!

Spring Cleaning

 Jackie style.

This means I tell the kids what to do, they make excuses why they don't have time, I tell them that if they want lunch they should clean!  We did well this morning, got one corner cleaned out.  We had bought a cage for the cats but only used it a couple of times.  We might need it later but not at the moment.  So we broke it down and put it in a box to take to the other house on Monday!  

Another thing I did was to start making decisions about what to take and what to dump.  We have a lovely dining table but since Hisao died we haven't used it so much, maybe 6 times in the past 11 years.  The cats have messed on it and I really don't know if the smell will come out.  We clean up as soon as we see a mess but if they do it overnight then it does sit for a few hours.  Yes, they have clean litter boxes but I think that sometimes the cats get stressed and then start marking.  It's an ongoing problem and I am trying to fix things but.....! So I'm going to get rid of the table!! It's also too big for the other house, so kind of no choice.

Of course, I feel sad, it feels as if a lot of the things that Hisao and I bought together are at the end of there usefulness and need to be replaced.  I know that Hisao's memories are in my heart but sometimes it still hurts to let go. 

At the table!!

This is what I think about when I think about the dining table.  This was exactly one year before he died!!

Maybe that is also part of why it's hard to move from here.  We were really happy here.  We still had problems but for the first time in ages, I felt that I could close the door and be happy in this house!

Yesterday, after trying to clean at the other house I went shopping.  I found a whole chicken.  Usually, whole chickens are only available near Christmas.  Very small, just over a kilo, but half price, so I got it. Today I made a roast dinner, it's still cool enough to enjoy it!  Because I knew that there wouldn't be much meat on the chicken I cooked some extra breast meat with it.  Nice lunch!

Tiny chicken

Cooked up nicely!!

Feeling Overwhelmed

 Another morning at the other house.  Another morning of feeling overwhelmed and that nothing is getting done.  It is but it is so slow and sometimes I feel like I'm just moving the trash from one place to another. The big problem is the load of plastic and glass things.  Half of the dining area is full of boxes that have plastic in them, baskets, bowls, containers of all sizes, old makeup, some little electrical things, old lights the list goes on and on.  My plan was to put the stuff in boxes and drive to the garbage disposal site.  This is where the problem comes in. We can't use the city garbage place because we aren't residents.  

I've looked at companies that do house cleaning but it's so expensive.  We are talking about 3,000 pounds just to remove some of the trash.  Some companies have a cleaning service but then we are looking at over 5,000 pounds.  We've sent out some inquiries to see if the companies can let us pay month by month.

I want this finished!  But one car and not having everybody available at the same time makes it hard. 

I'm also upset at the old man who has been cutting down some of the trees.  I understand that he thinks he is helping and I'm grateful for the help but he had cut down the blueberry bushes and the plum trees.  I'm hoping that the plums (Japanese plums) will grow as David makes this nice drink from them.  It's a bit sour but diluted with some soda water and poured over ice makes it very refreshing in the hot summer!!  

 At least today I could go to the other house and not get angry or upset.  I feel a bit better.  Still hard but no choice.

Hannah started a new part-time job on Monday, working at one of the local nurseries.  Just 3 days a week for about 5 hours.  At the moment there aren't that many children as it's the spring holiday but soon it will get busy.  She is enjoying more than working at the drug store but she's very tired!  

Azaleas

The only flowers that bloom here!  They are nice but early, I always thought they bloomed in May!!!

Energy

 I'm not talking about electricity or gas, I'm talking about my energy and how I seem to waste it!

As I'm cleaning out things I keep finding my old journals.  During my frequent breaks, I sit and read through them!  One thing I've found is that I don't learn my lessons.

I came across a diary from 25 years ago.  I had a holiday from teaching, this was in April, so spring holiday.  I wrote that I was making party food for the kids when one of my students turned up.  I had told him that it was a holiday but he forgot, so I had to teach him.  I wrote that I taught him, but inside I was fuming!  I had lost an hour with my kids, lost the time I was using to do something nice for my kids.  I was really angry.  I somehow managed to do a spring party with the kids, we ate nice food and watched a movie together. I realized that I had spent so much energy being angry about something that I couldn't change.  The kid had been dropped off, the mother didn't wait to see if there was a class and we had no way to contact her.  I concluded that I would have felt better if I had just accepted the situation and taught with a better feeling.  I felt so tired having these angry feelings!

But have I learned my lesson?  Of course not.

I still get angry at things I can't change.  I'm angry that I have to move, I'm angry at myself more than anybody else.  I should have taken better care of the yard.  I have excuses, my grief, having cancer, having problems with my knee and just having no energy!  But they are just excuses, I should have pushed the kids to help more.  I should have gone out and done just a few minutes every day instead of letting things get so out of hand that a few hours isn't enough!

Yesterday I was angry at the mess in the kitchen.  David cooked lunch, which I was very grateful for but he left a mess.  I had the most awful headache, a 24-hour headache because of the most incredible storms.  I was tired and irritable. Seeing the mess just pushed me over the edge.  I started to put away the clean dishes but ended up breaking one as I was banging around so much.  I stopped for a bit took a deep breath and remembered what I had written, I couldn't stop the mess, it was already there, but I could talk to David and suggest that he cleans as he cooks.  I calmed down, managed to clean most of the mess, and make dinner, I even baked some muffins.

I might be late but I am learning things.  I am hoping to deal with my flights of anger, to use that energy in a better, more positive way.  

The thunderstorm we had from Tuesday evening to Wednesday night was really bad!  Wednesday morning, 11am, it was as dark as the evening!  So much rain!  In a prefecture near here, about 2 hours drive, a group of high school boys were practicing soccer when lightning struck.  18 were taken to hospital, two of them in critical condition.  Mikey went out, he said that he could see small landslides in the mountains.  I hope our other house is alright, it's at the foot of a mountain, and there is a stream that runs behind the property.  The stream has been concreted and is rather deep, about 3 meters.  Most of the time there is very little water but when we get heavy rain it can fill up very quickly!  Mikey and I can go tomorrow and see if everything is alright!

Fred in his top

Hannah bought this top for Fred, it covers where the cyst was so he can't lick it. He wore it for a couple of days, then he managed to get it off.  We left it off for a few days but noticed that he was bleeding today so Hannah put it back on!

AGE

 I keep seeing on videos, and posts that age is just a number.

I believe that until I go to the other house, spend a day working, and end up feeling like death warmed over the next day.  Then the number of years my body has been on this earth really shows!  One meme going around says "My brain thinks I'm in my 30s, my sense of humor is like a 12-year-old and my body died in the Civil War"  That about sums me up nicely!

The reason I'm writing about age is a documentary I watched the other day about women having babies later in life.  These were ladies in their 40s, 50s and one lady at 60 who had babies.

My question is how do they have the energy to do it?  I won't teach preschool kids because I know that I don't have the energy to engage with them, even for 30 minutes, once a week.  How does a woman having a baby at 60 cope when her baby gets to be 2 years old?  It really made me think.  I know that everybody is different, maybe they don't have health issues, maybe they feel more secure in their relationships and are financially secure so having a baby isn't that daunting?   

The documentary also made me sad.  They interviewed one girl who was just 10 years old, her parents were in their late 50s.  This girl said that she had to be independent because her parents were older and they might die while she was still young.  That's so sad, a ten-year-old shouldn't be thinking like that.  I know Hannah was only 10 when Hisao passed away but that was sudden, she never thought he would die so young!

So how to face aging?  I want to be here for a while longer.  I have a lot of things that I want to do, places to see, experiences to be had.  One thing I've realized is that health, physical and mental health, play an important part in growing old.  

Since I've started to exercise more I do feel a lot better.  I have less pain in my knee.  This time last year I thought I would lose my mobility now I'm moving more.  The other day I went upstairs to get something, I realized that a couple of months ago I would have asked one of the kids to get it for me! Even though my exercises are very gentle it's enough at this time to help me along.  I hope to do more as I feel better.

Mental health is another factor in growing old.  I will admit that the idea of having to start over at 62 is not appealing.  I was hoping to be settled and to focus on other aspects of my life.  Instead, I have to uproot and move to an area and house that does not inspire me.  If you have read any of my posts about the other house you will know that it is driving me crazy.  It's going to be hard, physically and mentally but I've been through worse and survived.  

I am trying to find things to be happy about. I am trying to be positive and find something good in the other house.  It's hard but I have no choice.  One of my friends told me that I shouldn't spend time just moaning, which is very true.  I need to spend time to be productive, to get things done then have time to do things that I enjoy.

In Japan, April is the start of the school year.  Spring is a time of renewal in nature so I am going to try and renew myself.  Be more positive and find good things!

And I know that saying this I'll be challenged when I go to the other house on Friday!

More cherry blossoms

These are from Hannah.  This is a little park near her university!

March

 I got a lot done in March.  Got to the other house a few times.  The two bedrooms are basically empty, one has a mattress that needs to go, the other has stuff that can be burnt. The kitchen cupboards are empty, I've kept a few things, brand new rice bowls and soup bowls that were gifts, a couple of nice trays, again gifts but never used.  We break a lot of things so they will be used!  The big tatami room is almost finished, just a few things on the floor that need to be thrown out.  One corner is piled with stuff I've moved from here, books and curtains mainly.  The veranda still needs to be worked on, boxes of CDs and DVDs but not sure how to dispose of them.  The next thing is to get utilities hooked up and start cleaning. That is going to be hard.  Next time I go I have to be brave and take things out of the toilets.  

My exercise was a bit hit-and-miss.  I did every other day for the past couple of weeks.  I get so tired going to the other house.  Also, spring is really here, on Friday it wasn't moving stuff, walking from one end of the house to the other, climbing stairs that are more like ladders that tired me out, it was running and screaming as bugs started to come out.  I don't like bugs of any kind!  Spiders are okay, the little lizards are okay but bugs have me running.  Good exercise I guess!!!

I noticed that the cherry blossoms are out.  I took a walk to the park on the next block and took a few photos.  Looks really nice but it might rain tomorrow!

The park near the house

April is the new school year in Japan.  Kids change years or change schools, going on to the next level.  It's a time of change.  I'm wondering what other changes will happen this year.  My English school is not doing so well, I'm not the only one, a lot of places are struggling to keep going.  I would love to start a new business but something easy, low-key that I can do.  I keep looking on the internet but most ideas are good in the USA or UK but not here. Any ideas?

Be Positive

 After my last moaning post I decided to message my friend.

I don't have many friends but the ones that I do have, I've known for many, many years and I know I can trust them to tell me the truth, even if it's hard!

The message to my friend went along the lines of how hard it is to move, how this is all (mostly)my MIL's fault, on and on.  One total whinge fest!  My friend wasn't having it.  She told me to stop moaning and just get on with things.

Even though it hurt, it was what I needed.  

That night I was sorting through my books (again, I have so many), trying to decide what I want to keep and what I can let go of.  I came across one of my journals written about 6 months before we were told that we had to leave this house.  In it, I wrote that I was wondering if I could get permission to change the toilet, bathroom, and kitchen here.  If I could choose the company, then get a loan to pay for it.  

This really hit me!  I was willing to pay to renovate a house that will never be mine but not willing to do the same for a house I own.  Talk about stupid!

So I gave myself a good talking to Wednesday night.  I realized a few things.  I either worry too much or moan too much.  With this move, I'm doing both.  I need to let go of the past, the pain and move on with my life.

Is this what I want?  No!!!

Do I have a choice?  Again no!!!

Is moaning and worrying going to change things, of course not!

So what should I do?  Grow up would help!   Stop acting like a kid who didn't get what they want for Christmas. 

I decided to focus on something good in the house.  There are 100's of problems and as I take out more and more stuff I'm sure I'll find more.  But there are some good things! 

There is an engawa, which is like a veranda that has nice views of the garden.  I plan to set up a reading corner there. I'll make a nice cozy corner to relax in.  I'm guessing that in the summer I won't be able to use it, as the air conditioning doesn't extend there but at other times of the year it could be nice.  Also, there is a bench outside of the dining room windows, a nice place to sit, with a cup of tea and watch the mountains.  If I can change the kitchen, I can make it one where I can cook without doing a balancing act!  These are the things I'm going to focus on!  

I've decided to focus on doing what I can do, instead of moaning about what I can't do.  One thing is I can cook good healthy meals.  I enjoy getting in the kitchen, and making good healthy meals.  

Thursday morning I spent time cleaning and cooking.  We had a good lunch,  we were just finishing when some of the cats started fighting.  David went to see and came back in with Fred, one of our grey cats.  One side of Fred was soaking wet, I thought he had got in the shower room but when I looked more closely I realized that it wasn't water but this yellow/brown fluid that was pouring out of a wound.  The cyst had burst!  David was happy that it burst on the corridor which is easy to clean up and not on his bed!

We cleaned Fred but he kept licking it so we put a collar on him but he got that off after a few seconds.  So I found an old T-shirt that belonged to Hannah and tied it on him, he wasn't happy.

Fred in the T-shirt

Poor thing but he seems to be okay!

After that, I had a nap. When I got up again I asked Christopher to help me with some things on my computer.  My computer used to translate web pages from Japanese to English but has stopped doing that.  Christopher asked what was wrong with my Line account.  Line is similar to WhatsApp, a free messaging service.  When I opened my line account everything had gone.  Turns out that my account was hacked.  I sent e-mails to most people on my account, explaining what had happened.  Christopher uninstalled the app and I have to reinstall it!!

Mikey, Christopher, and I went to the house again today.  I managed to pull up the carpet in the corridor and found that the floor is really nice, it needs a good polish but other than that it's okay.  I'm kind of stuck at the moment.  I piled the stuff to be dumped into the dining room, it's the easiest to take out things but because there is still too much outside nothing is being moved.  Mikey and Christopher managed to burn a lot, so I hope next time I can get more out!

Hell

 That's the word Christopher used to describe the other house.  And he's right!

The house is a disaster, not just the mold, trash and smell of urine but the structure itself is damaged.  I noticed that the color of the outside back wall was different.  The wood has gone a green color and feels damp. The two patches are where the toilets are.  Looks like they have leaked.  Inside looks okay but I have no idea what has happened underneath.  Another load of money to put into the dump.  

Then I decided to move the last few things off the kitchen stove and counter.  

This is the counter!

That black is mold!  The counter top and sink are covered in it.  The stove is mix of burnt on stuff and mold.  The floor is soft infront of the counter and sink, so maybe rotting as well.  I just stood there and cried!

How did this get to be my life?  I'll be 62 in the summer, I don't want to move, to clean up a house that is never going to be home.  I wanted to travel.  Before Hisao died we planned to travel in Japan.  Now all the money I make will be put into this hovel!

I feel trapped and angry.  I have no escape plan, no second choice.

Today the company that is going to build on the land next door came and checked the boundary between the two properties.  Looks like they will be building new houses there.  Nice, clean, modern houses with manageable gardens!

I keep getting told that I will save money on rent, that even having a loan will be paid off.  Problem is I won't be making as much as now.  We plan to keep teaching using the comminity centers but there are only certain days that they are available and trying to get the days that match the students schedule is going to be difficult.  Most of our students are kids and they are very busy.  

It's just one problem after another.  I feel all joy is being sucked out of my life!!!

Two Sick Cats

 Last week we found a lump on Fred's shoulder.

Fred in the carry case

We thought it was just from fighting but it didn't go down after a couple of days so Hannah took him to the vet.  Turned out to be some sort of cyst, the vet pulled out a lot of yellow fluid, gave him some medicine, and sent him home.  The lump went down a bit but seems even bigger today.  We will keep giving the medicine and see if that helps, if not back to the vet.

Then Alfie stopped peeing!  So again Hannah took him to the vet. 

Alfie

He has a bladder infection, so he got medicine.  Then we noticed he still wasn't going to the toilet and throwing up a lot.  So Hannah took him back, turns out he is constipated and full of gas, more medicine.

I feel so sorry for Hannah.  Not only did she have to carry the cats to the vet, about a 5-minute walk but she paid for everything, about 100 pounds.  She also had to get a vaccine for herself, the measles and rubella shot.  From April she will be working part-time at a local nursery and there have been a lot of measles cases recently.  That cost her 50 pounds!  I wish I could help her out but at the moment I am only just covering our rent and utilities.  

And I'm still exhausted from last week but am determined to go to the house twice this week as well, I must get it sorted before the summer.  I plan to clean out here in the summer, at least I can use the air conditioners!!!

I Over Did It

 Mikey, Christopher, and I went back to the house yesterday.  I was all fired up to get as much done as possible.  The weather was nice, sunny, and warm but not too humid.  After an hour I had to call it quits.  My back was screaming!  I remember moving a box on Wednesday that was heavier than it looked and something twinged in my back but I shrugged it off. Thursday I was in pain but again I put it down to age and the fact that I've had back problems most of my life.  Friday I woke up feeling okay so went but the pain was awful and so annoying as I really wanted to do a lot.  

The pain made me miserable. As I cleaned out things I noticed so many more problems.  The bathroom sink is a built-in unit, which is standard in Japan, but the waste pipe has been leaking, so the bottom of the unit is rotten and I have no idea what the floor underneath is like.  The same thing has happened in the sink that is in the dead space in front of the toilets.  I really have no desire to move there, it is so depressing to think about it.  Yes, I'm grateful we have that house because trying to rent somewhere else with nine cats would be impossible.  But at the same time, I feel as if I'm going to be working to pay to fix things that should have been taken care of years ago and not left to get really bad.  I know that my mother-in-law spent over 5000 pounds on clothes that she never wore but nothing on fixing the house, I feel so sad.  All seems such a waste.  I remember after she built this house she would come to my place and yell at me for having a piano and computers, I worked hard for them.  I just feel she had no sense about taking care of the house when she could.  

This is the trash that is outside

 

In the house is another room full of stuff.  I found it easier to pile things near windows so they can be taken out.  Some stuff we burned but there is still a lot.  Cleaned out one bedroom, just the old mattress there, the bathroom is done, and most of the Buddhist room.

The Buddhist room

There are thousands of incense sticks that I have to get rid of.  I'll use them in the summer near the windows to keep away mosquitos!

Outside

Looks like one of the neighbors decided to "help" by cutting down some trees, but I think he cut down the blueberry trees!! 

We will go next week and see if we can finish off a couple of rooms.

I think we will have to call the city hall and pay to have the trash removed.

Then the cleaning has to start.

How to remove black mold that is inches thick?

How to get the smell of urine out of wooden floors?  I know our cats pee in places they shouldn't but I clean it up and use alcohol to get rid of the smell.  Looks like my mother-in-law had a few accidents but never cleaned up.  She was offered home help but refused it!!  Yet another thing to deal with!!

Also, the windows are caked with dirt.  I think the main room windows got cleaned twice in 32 years when we lived there, the other rooms never got done.

Going to sulk now!!!

I Went, I Saw, I Gave Up

 I didn't give up 100% but I threw in the towel for the day.

The plan was to go to the other house early and stay until 3 or 4 o'clock. While there we would start a fire and burn a lot of the trash that is hanging around.

But Mikey forgot that he had an extra lesson at 4 o'clock and it's very windy today, starting a fire would have been rather dangerous.

There is so much stuff to be disposed of.  Years and years of living crammed into a small house.  Some things we can burn, old wooden furniture that has become moldy and all the clothes that she bought and never used.  I did try to take some clothes to the recycle shop but we were spending more in gas going there than we were making.  Old books can be taken to a place that recycles the paper and metal can be taken to the scrap place to be reused.  But there is a lot of plastic waste and we have thousands of CDs and DVDs that I don't know what to do with.  I watch programs from the USA and UK about hoarders, I love the idea of having a skip to throw everything into or having places to donate good stuff to.

 I wanted to find something good about the house.  The design, size, and location are bad but there must be something good in there.

I found a couple of things, the light fittings.

The light in the entrance

And one of the bedrooms

They need cleaning but are actually very nice.

Also some flowers were blooming which helped the outside to look a bit brighter.

A bit of color in the garden

Also, the view from the bedrooms is nice, at the moment.  I'm wondering if anything is planned for the land next door.

The view from the bedrooms

If the weather cooperates we can go again on Friday.

We have to get as much done as possible. 

Mikey said that there are companies to take away plastics, CDs, and DVDs but they are expensive.  I'm thinking of using one of the storage rooms to dump everything until I can save money to pay to take the stuff away.  I know it doesn't solve the problem but it's an idea!