Energy

 I'm not talking about electricity or gas, I'm talking about my energy and how I seem to waste it!

As I'm cleaning out things I keep finding my old journals.  During my frequent breaks, I sit and read through them!  One thing I've found is that I don't learn my lessons.

I came across a diary from 25 years ago.  I had a holiday from teaching, this was in April, so spring holiday.  I wrote that I was making party food for the kids when one of my students turned up.  I had told him that it was a holiday but he forgot, so I had to teach him.  I wrote that I taught him, but inside I was fuming!  I had lost an hour with my kids, lost the time I was using to do something nice for my kids.  I was really angry.  I somehow managed to do a spring party with the kids, we ate nice food and watched a movie together. I realized that I had spent so much energy being angry about something that I couldn't change.  The kid had been dropped off, the mother didn't wait to see if there was a class and we had no way to contact her.  I concluded that I would have felt better if I had just accepted the situation and taught with a better feeling.  I felt so tired having these angry feelings!

But have I learned my lesson?  Of course not.

I still get angry at things I can't change.  I'm angry that I have to move, I'm angry at myself more than anybody else.  I should have taken better care of the yard.  I have excuses, my grief, having cancer, having problems with my knee and just having no energy!  But they are just excuses, I should have pushed the kids to help more.  I should have gone out and done just a few minutes every day instead of letting things get so out of hand that a few hours isn't enough!

Yesterday I was angry at the mess in the kitchen.  David cooked lunch, which I was very grateful for but he left a mess.  I had the most awful headache, a 24-hour headache because of the most incredible storms.  I was tired and irritable. Seeing the mess just pushed me over the edge.  I started to put away the clean dishes but ended up breaking one as I was banging around so much.  I stopped for a bit took a deep breath and remembered what I had written, I couldn't stop the mess, it was already there, but I could talk to David and suggest that he cleans as he cooks.  I calmed down, managed to clean most of the mess, and make dinner, I even baked some muffins.

I might be late but I am learning things.  I am hoping to deal with my flights of anger, to use that energy in a better, more positive way.  

The thunderstorm we had from Tuesday evening to Wednesday night was really bad!  Wednesday morning, 11am, it was as dark as the evening!  So much rain!  In a prefecture near here, about 2 hours drive, a group of high school boys were practicing soccer when lightning struck.  18 were taken to hospital, two of them in critical condition.  Mikey went out, he said that he could see small landslides in the mountains.  I hope our other house is alright, it's at the foot of a mountain, and there is a stream that runs behind the property.  The stream has been concreted and is rather deep, about 3 meters.  Most of the time there is very little water but when we get heavy rain it can fill up very quickly!  Mikey and I can go tomorrow and see if everything is alright!

Fred in his top

Hannah bought this top for Fred, it covers where the cyst was so he can't lick it. He wore it for a couple of days, then he managed to get it off.  We left it off for a few days but noticed that he was bleeding today so Hannah put it back on!