News Fast

 For just over a week, I've been trying not to watch or read the news.

It's harder than I thought, as the news is really in your face more than I realised before I decided not to watch or read it.

It's on my computer when I open my browser; it's on Facebook because one time I clicked on a news report from a British newspaper, and on YouTube. 

I never noticed how invasive the news was, how the headlines, photos and videos are there to draw you in. 

Are the headlines more sensational now than before because of the competition with social media and citizen journalists? 

Yesterday there was a train crash in the UK. The headlines all state the same thing but with different levels of emotional framing. For example, one headline stated "Driver dead and nearly 90 injured", whereas another just says "Bedford train crash latest: Injury toll rises to 100". Same news, different emphasis.

How often do I get caught by headlines, thinking that I need to know this news, spend time watching or reading only to realise that the news has nothing to do with me, that I can't change things, I can't undo the awful thing that has happened, and I'm left feeling sad and depressed because of it!

Lives are being destroyed across the globe because of wars, famine, crime of all kinds, the basic unfairness of life. Political leaders are more worried about the next election than the pain of the people they are supposed to be serving. Families are torn apart because of a thoughtless action that has killed someone, destroyed lives and left communities bereft. I read these stories; I cry for the families, I wonder if there is anything that I can do, and I realise that beyond prayer there is very little I can do.

What is the purpose of news? Do I need to know about every single knife crime in the UK? Even if my heart breaks for the families or it makes an interesting debate for my advanced students, debating the cause of escalating crime in the UK, what the government should and can do and why it isn't happening in Japan, does taking in that news help me?

No, it doesn't. I chose not to vote in the UK, as I don't live there and the government actions don't impact my life. So even in the one way I could influence things, I don't. I have no voting rights in Japan, but I encourage my kids to vote. I think having a voice is important.

I feel that taking in the news hasn't helped me, hasn't shown me what the world is really like. I joke with my students that in the winter in the UK everyone is going to be killed by a new virus, die from the cold or a storm or be invaded by Russia or nuked by them. The past few years, every winter has been the same news, with a smattering of royal scandals, knife crime or immigration takeover. But when I talk to my family or friends who live there, they say it isn't that bad. Yes, some areas are bad, but that hasn't really changed. Growing up, there were areas of my city that we were told to stay away from. The news makes it seem that there are criminals on every street corner, that all politicians are crooks and that you shouldn't trust anyone at all. 

I think some news is important. I think having discernment is important. Being sucked into the latest sensational news doesn't help at all; getting angry because of the awful things that are happening isn't helping me and doesn't change things.

So my news fast is opening my eyes to other things. I can see that I spent a lot of time watching or reading news, getting bent out of shape because of it (probably doesn't help my blood pressure) and having all this anger with nowhere for it to go!

I would react to a news headline of the murder of another kid with anger and grief, but that doesn't undo the action. I would wonder why young kids are killing each other; where have we gone wrong that kids think murder is justified? But what can I do? I have this little blog, but I don't want to go down that rabbit hole! I found that I would carry that pain and sadness with me. Not interacting with that for the past week, I feel lighter. Yes, these things are still happening, but I have enough problems to deal with!

Also, I didn't realise how much time I spent watching and reading the news! I was on my computer the other day. I finished writing this blog and was wondering what to do next; I was thinking of trying different AIs to design some T-shirts. I realised that after writing my blog, I would usually start looking at the news. I could spend up to an hour on that! An hour of shouting at the screen. What a waste!

The only news I look at now is the weather news; there's another typhoon just forming, so I'm keeping an eye on that!

Has anyone else done a news fast?

This is my news. Fluffy stole my chicken; she got my fork as well!

Rain

The rainy season started at the beginning of the month. We've had a few showers and lots of cloudy days, but no real heavy rain until yesterday!

It has been pouring down, almost nonstop, since yesterday morning.

I like the rain, but at the same time, this kind of heavy, persistent rain does make me worry. There are advisories out for floods and landslides. In the other city, I never really worried as the house was nowhere near a river, stream or mountain. Here we are at the foot of a mountain, and just  5 minutes away, the little town floods almost every year. We lived there when the kids were in school; every rainy season, the kids would come home with a map showing which areas to avoid during the rainy season, as the streets flood.

This morning Mikey and I had a trail lesson in the next city. This was the first trail lesson in a couple of years; that's bad!

This was on the way to the city! 

It doesn't look very strong on the video, but it was. The river we are driving along is the Chikugo River. There are large spaces either side of the river that are for flooding. On the opposite side to where we are driving, there are parks and playing fields, which are rather large. The river has been known to flood up to the road! Which is amazing; I wonder how much rain had to fall for that area to flood!

I took a little video on the way back. You can see the fields are flooded, ready for rice planting. Also, visibility was bad. Usually the mountains are visible, but not today!

I took a few photos as well, showing the poor visibility.

It hasn't been too bad here; some places in Japan have had a lot of very heavy rain almost every day since the start of the rainy season. 

Also, another typhoon is just forming off the Philippines. The prediction for now is that it will go toward Okinawa; after that, who knows. I'll keep an eye on it; I know the chances of it hitting here are small, but it's better to be prepared!

Pain

 I'm not sure what I did, but I've pulled something on my side. The pain is just under my ribs, going down and around my back. Yesterday, I was trying to reach for something in the back of my closet. I felt something pull but thought I was alright, and I was, until this morning!

I've been trying to gently stretch it out; it feels a lot better than it did this morning. As I was making breakfast and obento, I realised that reaching for things was very difficult. Fortunately, it's on my left side, and I'm right-handed, so I haven't had to use that side too much.

Another problem is that it hurts to laugh, and of course, Christopher had a funny story to tell me this morning!

I don't know where he finds these stories; some Japanese site, I think. The story was about 2 men and a dead fish. One man had gone fishing and caught a large tuna; he called his friend, saying that the fish was too much for him to eat and would the friend like to have some. The friend said yes and turned up at the apartment a bit later. The man met his friend in the parking lot and explained that the fish was too big to carry upstairs by himself. So the two men are carrying a big fish, about 6 feet long, wrapped in a cloth to the stairs. As they were going, they were talking about how to cut the fish up. They decided that the best place would be the bathroom, as there would be a lot of blood and guts; one man suggested using a saw to start the cutting. What they didn't realise was that a lady was walking past, listening to their conversation. About 20 minutes later, the doorbell rings. The owner of the apartment goes to the door, wearing an apron covered in blood and holding a bloody saw. He opened the door to two police officers!

The story ends there, but I can imagine the scene; the officers must have been told that the men were dismembering a body!

I thought this was so funny; it was 6 o'clock in the morning, and I was in pain, maybe that's why I thought it hilarious!

It reminded me of the time I yelled at David to move the dead body, a cockroach that had been killed and left on the floor. I was wondering how I would explain that if the police came knocking on the door and asking where the dead body was!

It's pouring down with rain at the moment. I'm glad, as the past few days it's been very cloudy and humid but no rain. This is nice, gentle rain. I hope it stays like that, but we are under a thunderstorm advisory. 

The view from my window.

When I opened my window, this little guy came inside.

What should I do?

I don't mind these little lizard things, but I don't like the idea of it wandering around my room. I'll ask Christopher to catch it later.

Mono-Colouring Packaging In Japan

 A few months ago, I came across a news article saying that because of the Iran War, tofu was going to become more expensive.

I was really puzzled by this. Why would tofu, which is made from soya beans grown in Japan, become more expensive? I can understand foods or goods that are imported becoming more expensive, or things that rely on oil or oil products, like plastic goods, becoming expensive. 

Turns out that it's the packaging, especially the dyes that are used in making the colours on the packaging. One executive from a tofu company said that the company was thinking of making the packaging mono-colour to save on one chemical that is needed to make the colours.

A few other companies planned on following suit, changing from bright colours to mono-colours. On different news programmes, the new packages were displayed. 

I thought that this might be a big thing in the bigger cities, where turnover is higher. 

I didn't think that they would end up here!

Until Christopher came home with these yesterday.

The orange is the original package.

Apparently the supermarket he is working at has just recieved there first shipment of the new packages.

I know in the grand scheme of things that this isn't big news. But it triggered memories from the pandemic. The feeling of seeing something on the news but not believing it would come here!

I remember watching when COVID was first discovered in China, the lockdown in the city, news footage showing deserted streets. I thought it would be similar to SARS, not a big deal. But as countries around the world started to show signs that the disease had spread to them, I got a bit worried. 

I'm not sure when or where COVID first appeared in Japan. I remember a cruise ship that had people with COVID on board and how that was mishandled. I guess the first cases were in Tokyo, before the government stopped people from coming into Japan.

This was news; this was happening somewhere else- yes, in Japan, but not in Kyushu. Not in the small city where I live.

Every day the news would report how many were sick in each area; I watched as the numbers near where we lived started to grow. But I still didn't think it would affect me, my family, my friends or students.

I remember the first sign that it was getting closer to home. I stopped into a convenience store to pay a bill. On the counter, there was a plastic partition between the staff and the customers. The same day, I went to a supermarket that had a butcher's counter. If the meat is on sale, I usually get 1kg and ask the staff to separate it into two bags of 500 g each. There was a big sign saying that they would no longer do that, as it takes time and they want the customers to move quickly out of the store.

This made me cry; it made the reality of the pandemic very real. For the first time, I was scared!

I had a similar feeling with the packaging; it was something on the news, nothing to do with me. It wouldn't come here; the war would be over before it got that bad. I know mono-colour packaging isn't bad; I actually like the new packaging, but it's what it represents. The fact that the situation in the Middle East is still fragile, and that we are seeing the results of that war in our supermarkets. I wonder what will be next; already, gas (petrol) has gone up a bit. How much will this war impact Japan and other countries? I read somewhere that fertiliser could become in short supply, leading to crop failures and famine in some of the more vulnerable places. What other things will change in our day-to-day lives before the war ends?

I hope this war ends soon, before things get even crazier! If the worst thing is mono-colouring packaging, then that's good!

It Came

 At the beginning of the month, I wrote about designing a T-shirt on Printify (Jackie's Japan Journal: I Had An Epiphany!)

It took an hour of messing around with AI and Printify, but I finally made a design that I liked. Printify lets you order a sample, so I did. Took a couple of weeks, but it came yesterday.

The quality is very good. The hem, sleeves and neck are all hemmed so they don't fray. The material is nice and soft.

This is me unpacking it. I tried to show the hems; not sure how good the video is.

I ordered the biggest size, which fits me! 

The T-shirt looks good; me not so much!

I never know how to stand for photos, plus my face is all blotchy and swollen from allergies. But you can see that the T-shirt looks nice; it's very comfortable.

The next step is to make a few more designs. I'm going to try different AIs to do that, just to see what is good. Then set up a shop on either Etsy or Shopify; both have good points and bad points.

I'm busy teaching until Thursday, so I think this weekend I'll try and get everything set up.

I really hope I can make some money from this venture. Even if I don't, I can say that I've tried!

Stories

 I feel like I am the keeper of stories.

When I was little, my Mom would tell me stories of her childhood. She grew up in the countryside, in a time and place that no longer exists. She was the youngest of 8 children, 6 boys and 2 girls. Her mother died when she was only 6 years old, so she was raised by her older sister.

I loved listening to these stories. I don't know how true they are or how exaggerated they are. 

One story that comes to mind is about jam. Mom was born in 1939, just as World War 2 was starting. Rationing started in 1940; Mom said that because my Grandfather worked on a farm, he could get some food from there, things like vegetables or eggs. But there was a lot of stuff that they just couldn't get; one was jam; sugar was rationed. The story Mom told me was that one day the kids at school were given a jar of jam each to take home for their family to share. My Mom and the brother just older than her decided that since there were 4 kids from their family getting the jam, their Dad wouldn't miss their jars. After school, they snuck off into one of the fields and ate their jars of jam. They went home, and their Dad asked where their jam was. Mom's brother said that because there were four kids from one family, only two got the jam. Their Dad just stared at them, then said, "So what is that red, sticky stuff around your mouth?" They had eaten all the jam but forgot to wash their faces after! The punishment was that they couldn't have any of the jam that the others had bought home! Plus, Mom got sick from eating so much sugar in one go!

She had lots of stories like that. Just silly things that she did as a kid. Stories of hard times but fun times. As I got older, she would tell me of how hard it was living in the countryside, that walking to town would take about 45 minutes, there were no buses at that time. That everyday chores took longer because there were no modern conveniences.  These were never told to elicit sympathy but more to show how lives and living situations change over time. 

I like family stories; I loved listening to my Mom and trying to imagine her life and that of her brothers and sister.

I feel that everyone has stories to tell, that these stories are part of our family history and should be preserved for future generations. I've told my kids most of the stories from my Mom. For me, that is important; they didn't have a lot of time with her. 

I think I might take time to write these stories down and make a little book for my kids. Not just Mom's stories but mine as well.

The end of the month will be 22 years since Mom passed away. I still want to call her and tell her about my kids and what they are doing!

Just a few photos of Mom.

With Alan

She thought there was no film!

At her job, cleaning.

The photos are scanned; I have an app, but I'm not very good at using it!

Living In An Ageing Nation: My Thoughts On A Recent Parricide Case In Japan

 This post might get a little heavy, so apologies in advance.

It might trigger some people, so if you are sensitive to elder abuse or abuse in general. you might want to skip this post.

I know I said I was going to do a news fast, and I've been very good; this is the first news article I've read in a couple of days!

This came through my Facebook feed. The title stated that a 54-year-old man was arrested after calling the police to say he had choked his father to death.

In Japan, nearly 60% of confirmed elder abuse cases are committed by the victims' children.

When I first came to Japan, I was shocked that adult children could kill their own parents. I understood the pressure that adult kids have to take care of frail parents, especially if dementia is involved. But why go to the extreme of killing?

This puzzled me for many years, until we had to live with my mother-in-law. After a year living with her, I was either going to kill her or commit suicide; it really was that bad.

We moved in with my mother-in-law when Mikey was 18, David 14, Christopher 10 and Hannah 6.

After Hannah's birth, my mental health was very bad. Within a year, I was dealing with Hananah being born extremely premature, with just a 30% chance of surviving; Mikey and David being bullied every day at school, at one point David was almost killed by the class bully; and my Mom passing from terminal cancer. I had no help, no one to talk to, except Hisao. He tried to help, but I was so depressed. Also, he was struggling as well. I was teaching a lot at that time, but I couldn't smile, not even a fake smile; my classes had no energy, as I had no energy. I lost so many students that we couldn't make rent. The only choice was to move in with my mother-in-law.

From the beginning, it was hard. She was in the hospital when we moved in; we had a couple of months to get settled. I remember cleaning out the sink; it was thick with black mould, then I found all the clothes that she had bought- over £5000 worth of clothes that she never wore, that broke me! She never paid Hisao for all the work he did with her; she said she had no money! But she had money to buy clothes! That still gets me now; I see the house is falling to pieces because she never fixed anything. She always said that she didn't have money!

When she came home, she started making demands on me; I had to cook all the meals and keep the house spotless. She wanted things done her way. She yelled at me for over 3 hours, following me from room to room because I didn't know where the hangers for the laundry were. I told her that I would have a look; when I finally found them, she accused me of stealing them. This was constant; she would go round the house looking for things that I had done wrong. She even yelled at me for cutting an orange the wrong way!

The one incident that still breaks my heart is to do with Christopher; he was in the 5th grade at that time, bullying was very bad, the teacher had no control over the class. Hisao explained that Christopher was staying home for a few days because of the bullying; we had an appointment with the headteacher and homeroom teacher. Her response was to tell Christopher that he was being bullied because he was stupid. Not just once, but every time she saw him. He didn't want to eat dinner with us because of that.

Things got very bad when Hisao ended up in the hospital because of kidney failure and water around the heart. He was in the hospital for a month; he came home thin and very weak. My mother-in-law kept saying that Hisao had to work in the fields with her. She then had a go at me for money to pay the bills; I had no money, maybe 100 yen. Every day was a living nightmare.

In the end, Hisao called social services to see if there was any way they could help. I asked if she could go to a day care centre, so we could have a few hours' break, but I was told that she had to decide to do that. 

I told them that I was afraid for my kids' lives; she would walk around the house at night, mumbling and cursing, she refused to eat the food I made, then demanded I make her something. She would hit our dogs with her walking cane, breaking my kids' hearts. Every day was a living nightmare; I cried all the time. My kids lost their smiles. 

What pushed us over the edge was when she locked us out of the house; in the winter, we had to sleep at a friend's house. She then decided that if we were going to live there, Mikey had to quit high school and work with her on the fields, and that I had to help as well.

She was really verbally abusive, calling names, saying snide things to us. She told me that my mother was bad! 

One day I had been to the dentist; I was in pain from the local anaesthetic, she punched me in the face. That was the last straw; we had her committed to a mental hospital.

The point of all this is to show how abuse was swept under the rug by the social services; they couldn't or wouldn't do anything to help. I told them that I wasn't sleeping because of her wandering around at night; I was told to get some sleeping tablets! I begged them to have her put in an old peoples home, even for a couple of months, but they told me that it was up to her; they couldn't do anything. The idea to put her in a mental hospital came from a police officer!

This is the reality of the elderly in Japan. There is very little help or support for families. Caregivers aren't helped; there isn't any kind of break for them. There are a lot of old people's homes, but they are expensive, and so a lot of old people either live alone (and die alone) or are taken care of by their families, who have very little support. 

Living day in and day out without an end to the emtional/verbal abuse broke me. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't eat, I worried constantly about my kids, what was this doing to them. I asked if there was a shelter that I could take the kids to for a few days, just to sleep and not worry that she might hurt the kids, but I was told that unless she hurt us, then there was nothing they could do.

I really understood why people kill their parents.

It's sad; the people who gave birth to you and raised you become unrecognisable as they age. They change into monsters, demanding things that you can't give. They hurt you constantly and have no idea that they are doing this. 

I tried so hard to feel empathy for my mother-in-law, but having my heart broken daily was so hard. I wanted my kids to love their grandmother, but they saw all the horrible things in her that they couldn't love her at all.

We managed to move out; I refused to tell her our address. Hisao went to visit her as often as he could; I would send meals when he went.

It took a long time to recover; the kids call that year "The year from hell"

I know elder abuse happens; I've heard of elderly people being tied to a bed, so they wouldn't wander off. I know that some old people are neglected or beaten by their family members. I also know that a lot of families suffer because of an elderly relative who is just abusive; the scars might not be physical, but emotional scars run deep!

Japan, as a nation with a lot of elderly people, really needs to find a way to help families in these kinds of situations. In Japan, welfare always starts with your family; if you don't have money, you are told to ask relatives before getting any help from the government; the same with elderly care, the family has to take the burden!

When my mother-in-law ended up in hospital after having a bad fall, we had to take care of her. David and I spent hours going to the hospital, meeting with doctors and social workers. She thought that I would drop everything and come and take care of her. I told the social worker that I was a single mother with two kids still in full-time education, that I had to work to pay for everything. The social worker rolled her eyes and said that they would find a way to support my mother-in-law at home. 

My mother-in-law passed away in 2020; nobody came to her funeral, and nobody cried.  A sad ending to a sad life.

My mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law at Hisao's cousin's wedding.

My mother-in-law when I first came to Japan.

One of the reasons I struggle with this house is because of the memories from that year! Before we moved in, I was cleaning the frosted glass doors to the bedroom that she used. I saw these white streaks; it was milk that she threw at me one time. I don't remember why, but she threw a carton of milk at me; it smashed on the door and broke. I cleaned the floor but left the door. She never cleaned it; after 17 years, the dried milk was still there! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw that milk!

I hope I won't get like that as I age. I would hate for my kids to take care of me if I'm mean and spiteful. I know that dementia is possible, which is why I try to study and keep friendships. It's also part of the motivation to get healthy! I don't want to burden my kids!

News Fast

 I think I need a news fast. 

I know that the world is crazy, that there are people out there who are unhinged or just so entitled that they don't care who they hurt to get what they want. I know that politicians care more about their position than the people they should be serving, and that keeping that position often means making deals with the devil. 

But I really can't take any more. My heart breaks when I see the riots in the UK, both in Belfast and Southampton. I understand the anger of the rioters, but I wonder if it really helps. Will the powers that be stand up and do something? 

I'm saddened that the country I grew up in is being destroyed by violence, not just the illegal immigrants, but young people who seem to think that stabbing someone is the only way to get what they want.

Every time I turn on my computer, I'm met with headlines saying that another young life has been cut short or another kid is fighting for their life in hospital. Today, for example, a 14-year-old girl has been charged with attempted murder after a knife attack at school. Is this the new norm? 

When I was 14 and upset at someone, we would call names, maybe have a fight with pulled hair, but taking a knife to someone was something I never would have imagined doing.

Japan is also not as peaceful or safe as it used to be. The body of a 17-year-old high school girl was found under a bridge. Her ex-boyfriend, who is 19, has admitted to killing her.

Crimes in Japan have risen recently. Murder and robbery have gone up by 3.6%.

Reading these reports or watching the news has made me feel very anxious. I feel so sad and defeated by the evil I see. At the same time, I know that a lot of the news is exaggerated to catch people's attention.

For example, according to most news outlets, the UK is about to erupt into total lawlessness and Shari Law is just around the corner. When I ask family and friends who are living there, they say that, yes, some areas are bad but not everywhere.

The same in Japan: there are more murders, rapes and robberies, but it might be that people are reporting these crimes more, especially the rapes and robberies!

Today, I scrolled through the news on my computer, sighed and cried, felt defeated and powerless. I realised that reading or watching the news isn't helping me at all. I don't need to know what is happening across the world all the time. So I'm going on a news fast. My computer will still open up to the news; I could change it, but that would take time. So I'll just ignore it! 

I want to focus on being positive; I'm really trying to let go of my negative thinking. A lot of the negativity I feel is fueled by the news, so a news fast for a few weeks might help me. My kids always say that I can't do anything, that just moaning and whining about things isn't going to help.

I want happy news; drop a comment if you have some happy news! 

My happy news this week was that my blood pressure was down!

Maybe a weekly post on happy news is in order!

This is a photo of the "jungle" outside of my kitchen door. Google made it into a stylised photo!

I was trying to take a photo of the sunset.

This is the original.

Hospital Visit

 Yesterday was my yearly check-up for cancer and my 3-monthly check for diabetes and high blood pressure.

I am beyond grateful that I live in a country that has good health services; I can't imagine waiting for months to see a doctor and then having to wait for ages to get test results. Health services aren't free in Japan; everyone pays into a national insurance scheme and then pays 30% when we go to the doctor or dentist. There are private insurance companies that offer health insurance, but I think the national insurance is good. 

The tests I had done yesterday aren't invasive and basically pain-free.

Except for the mammogram. I know the ladies out there know what I'm talking about.

The technician yesterday was very apologetic about squishing my breast between two plates! As she walked away to take the X-ray, she said, "Please don't move". I'm thinking I can't, then I started to wonder what would happen if there was an earthquake; does the machine have a safety release mechanism? I could just imagine the news headlines "Foreigner loses breast during earthquake!"

After the mammogram I had a CT scan, which was very quick!

The last test was an echo scan. I was called into the room; the technician greeted me by shouting "Ohayo Gozaimasu" Good Morning at the top of her lungs. I wanted to say that I'm a foreigner, not deaf! I asked her to check under my left armpit, as sometimes it becomes swollen. She asked a few questions in a normal voice that I could answer, then she asked me to lie on the bed, again yelling! I guess that is her default setting, as a lot of patients are very old!

The tests took about an hour to finish; the hospital was very busy. Not only do they have an outpatient department but a few wards as well. The patients on the wards are brought down for tests and scans as well. Most of the time, these appointments run very smoothly; the way the system is organised is very good. The only time things are delayed is if there is an emergency and the staff are called to attend to it!

Again, all my numbers are good! I was shocked at my blood pressure; I haven't taken meds for a while as I've been having problems with side effects! At home, my blood pressure was between 120/80 to 135/90. The first number is great; higher than that can be worrying, but I've noticed that the days it's higher are the days that my allergies have been bad! Yesterday at the hospital, my blood pressure was 115/75!

Today I'm wiped out. Wednesday is one of my teaching days, so after the hospital we came home, Mikey took me, had lunch, a little rest, then back to the same city to teach!

I managed to shop and cook lunch; I have to make dinner in a bit, but that's all. Tomorrow I want to ask David to pick the fruit that is growing and falling off the trees!

Some kind of plum!

Also, the blueberries are coming along nicely! I'm looking forward to frozen blueberry yoghurt!

It's Cold

 Maybe cool is a better description!

I'm so happy that the last few days have been cool and not humid, even though it rained all day yesterday!

This time of year I usually have to run my air conditioner, which is alright, but my electric bill doubles. The longer I can survive without running the air conditioner, the better.

From tomorrow it's going to get hot, 28℃, then it will continue to get hotter and hotter. 

I stopped at a discount supermarket on the way to teaching today. Near the entrance there's a bird's nest.

You can just see the bird's head.

This reminded me of when I first came to Japan. I was pregnant with Mikey and miserable with morning sickness. In the storage place was a bird's nest. My mother-in-law hung an umbrella upside under it. She said it was to catch the bird poop but also to save the baby birds if they fell out of the nest. She told me that it was a good omen for my pregnancy! I don't know if that is a Japanese thing or just my mother-in-law!

It's getting to bedtime. I have a very busy day tomorrow; in the morning I have a hospital appointment. This is the big yearly checkup, lots of tests, nothing invasive or painful, except the mammogram, but a lot of waiting around. In the evening I have classes.

Hisao's Birthday

 Hisao would have been 65 today!

I miss him all the time, but on birthdays and holidays I feel his absence more intensely.

I've been wondering what our lives would be like if Hisao hadn't died. Would we still be living here or would we have kept the house in the next city? Would David have gone to a good university? Would Christopher have gone to the high school he wanted to go to?

So many questions, no answers.

This morning I was alone in the house. I really didn't like the feeling of being by myself. I know that's my future. I hope that David and Christopher will one day get married and have their own families. That would leave me here, by myself. I'm alright with that; it's the natural order of things. Kids grow up and move on with their lives, but the thought of being alone is so sad. 

I used to imagine growing old with Hisao; I used to imagine going on trips with him, visiting all these interesting places in Japan. Finding things to do together. Hisao said once that he wanted to build a little hut on the land that we have further up the mountain, he dreamed of having a little cabin to go to paint. He was a good artist, but after we had kids, he didn't have time or space to paint.

Hisao with his painting.

In high school, Hisao joined the art club. The painting in the picture was one that he did at that time. It was displayed in the local art museum. He was always very proud of that! I wonder what he would think of AI creating art?

I found a few more photos of Hisao.

With Mikey, I still have those cushions!

Christmas in the UK.

With Mikey and David

With all of the kids!

I usually make a nice lunch on birthdays; however, I'm still struggling with my allergies. I feel a lot better than yesterday, but not 100%. I made an obento and breakfast this morning; it usually takes less than 30 minutes to make, but this morning it took over an hour. I had to keep stopping to wipe my nose or to sneeze. I went through four packets of tissues yesterday! 

I think this week I'm going to be playing catch-up with all the chores that need to be done, plus I have a hospital appointment on Wednesday. It's my yearly check-up for cancer and to check my numbers for diabetes. It's going to be a long morning. None of the tests are painful (except the mammogram), but it's a lot of waiting around. At least I can get test results in about an hour! I'll have to find a good book to read!

Another Bad Day

 Another day of sneezing and snuffling. 

I'm surprised that my allergies are so bad at this time of year. Usually by now I would have a few sniffles, but not bad enough that I'm in bed all day.

I planned a nice lunch: ginger pork, salad, rice and miso soup. I tried to cook, but my nose was just dripping, not nice at all. In the end, Christopher made lunch!

Today's lunch.

I'm glad that all my kids can cook. 

Cooking is a useful skill to have. If you can make about 5 different dishes, then you can survive without relying on obentos or takeout food!

One thing that my kids like to do is finding interesting recipes, either from recipe apps or on YouTube; they then experiment with the dishes. A few years ago Mikey came across a recipe that used ice cream to make cakes! For a few weeks, he made different types of cakes, very delicious and moist! Most of the time these experiments work out, occainsonally we have a disaster. But that is all part of the fun!

Christopher also made me some dinner!

Cheese and ham on toast. Salad, egg and sardines in tomato sauce.

It was nice; I think not having to make it myself helped!

I hope I feel better tomorrow, as I have a lot to do!

I Had An Epiphany!

 Yesterday I was trying to delete some of the web pages that I have marked over the last year or so. I was also trying to unsubscribe from some of the YouTube channels that I've subscribed to.

I noticed that a lot of these sites and channels were to do with making money online. About affiliate marketing, making digital products or writing an ebook. I have drafts of books that I've thought about writing and designs for gratitude journals that are just sitting on my computer.

I realised that I'm always collecting things or ideas!

I think I talked about this when I was writing about my Japanese study: how, instead of studying, I just look for more materials, new books, and YouTube channels for listening. Then I wonder why my Japanese doesn't improve.

I do the same with books. I have 1000s of books (physical books, not on my Kindle) that I've collected over the years; most I haven't read, but I still download books onto my Kindle almost every day. Last time I checked I have over 6000 books on my Kindle. Also, I have Everand, an app that I pay 1,000 yen a month for, where I have about 400 books saved to read later. I'll write a post another day about how I get free books, legally, for my Kindle.

Yesterday, while I was sitting, enjoying a cup of tea and listening to rain, I began to wonder why I do this. Why do I just collect things but don't use them? Why have I bookmarked so many sites and subscribed to so many channels but haven't done anything with the information?

I realised that, even though they are similar habits, the core emotion is different.

Collecting study materials and books makes me feel secure. Maybe a false security, as I know that a bad storm, fire or earthquake would destroy them, but when I see my books or open my Kindle and see all the books there, I feel relieved; I have something! Childish, maybe, but I went so many years without having books when I first came to Japan that I'm making up for it now!

The collecting of sites and YouTube channels and not using the information is rooted in fear!

Fear of failing. Fear of never getting out of the feeling of lack, of never being able to move forward in life because there isn't enough money.

I look at these ideas, things like making a colouring book to sell on KDP and feel that I could never make anything that good, even with AI. So, I don't bother.

I thought about writing a book about my life in Japan, the ups and downs, the truimphs and disasters, but then I think, nobody would want to read it! Even with AI's help it wouldn't be good enough.

I see all these cute T-shirts people have made to sell, promoting their web page or YouTube channel and I just know that I'd never be able to make anything that cute.

So, I sit and moan, I ask David to try out some of these ideas, he has more skills using the internet and AI, plus he is very good at drawing. I ask Hannah to make designs, again she is a very good artist.

I'm also stuck on the idea that the only way I can make money is to teach English. But I wonder if the whole idea of having a physical classroom and students coming has come to an end. I know some people are still doing well, but they are living in bigger cities, some have building that get a lot of foot traffic, so easy for people to join. 

Where we are living the population is really old and there are very few kids. There are five elementary schools in the area, the kids from these schools all go to the same junior high school. The city has decided to close these schools over the next five years and make one big elementary and junior high school. One closed this spring! That is rather shocking!

After a year of putting leaflets and no calls I think it's safe to say that  teaching here might not be possible.

During my reflection yesterday, I asked myself, "What is the worst thing that can happen if you try one of these online ideas?"

I realised that the worst thing would be wasting my time and maybe a few thousand yen.

So I took a leap of faith and went to Printify. I want to make T-shirts to sell; the theme is from my cat blog 81 Lives......Another Cat Blog

This is a blog about the chaos that my cats cause!

I found the process of designing the T-shirt easy enough.

This is the design I went with. I took off the black background so the colour of the T-shirt shows. And yes, it's AI-designed!

I've ordered one; I want to see what the quality of the T-shirts is first before making more designs. 

While I'm waiting for the T-shirt to come, I have to decide which is the best platform to sell on, either Shopify, which is popular in Japan or Etsy. I also want to see if I can sell them on my Ko-fi page!

I told Hannah what I was doing; she made a design as well. I think hers is really cute, as it shows our cats, but I don't know if it's good for a T-shirt!

These are Hannah's designs.

So I'm going to be trying a few new things: stop collecting and start doing! Time to face the fear!

I don't know if I'll make a lot of money or any money at all, but I do know that if I don't try, I'll never find out!

Wish me luck!

The Rainy Season

 The Japan Meteorological Agency announced that the rainy season, tsuyu, has started in northern Kyushu. I didn't need the announcement; just looking out of my window told me that the rainy season had started!

This video is from my window. All day it's been raining, nonstop!

The biggest problem for me is laundry! I usually do a load every day. I don't have a dryer; they are available here but are expensive to buy and run. Laundry is hung outside, which I like; when it's dry, it smells of sunshine! During the rainy season, it's a lot of planning to get the laundry done. Yesterday we ran out of clean bath towels because I hadn't done laundry for a couple of days due to the rain from the typhoon. David had to go a 24 hours discount store to buy some! At the moment, I have laundry hanging in the dining area with a fan blowing on it; I hope it dries!

Another thing is that the mould tends to grow a lot. Nothing dries out, ever! Even on the days it's not raining, it's humid, and everywhere feels damp! This is why good air conditioners are so important; the better ones have a dry mode. It doesn't cool down the room so much but does dry it out a lot. Today is rather cool, so it doesn't feel humid or damp. I hope the temperatures stay low for a while longer!

The rainy season is predicted to last until July 19th. That's a lot of rainy days! 

I like rainy days; they are days for reading, for just sitting and watching the rain, for a break before the brutal heat of summer starts. 

I hope the rain doesn't get too strong. Today it has been constant but not torrential. There is a thunderstorm advisory at the moment, but I don't think we will get a thunderstorm; at least I hope not!

Looks like I'm going into my summer schedule: get up early and do all the chores before 8 am. The rest of the day I'll be reading or studying!

If I read anything good, I'll let you know!

Typhoon 6

 The sixth typhoon of the year hit Okinawa on Monday. Heavy rain and strong winds hit the islands, causing power outages and downed trees. I was watching the news this morning; they were interviewing one resident. The reporter said that the resident was very well prepared for power cuts; he had battery-powered lamps and candles. The resident sounded rather resigned when he said that every time there was a typhoon, they lost power!

I watched this storm develop from last week, wondering how bad it would be if it hit here; I always worry about all the stuff that is outside. Here we aren't that close to our neighbours' houses, but I don't want our cars damaged by flying debris. On Saturday, Christopher managed to clean up a lot in front of the house. The big windows on the front of the house have shutters, which really helps to protect them.

We got lucky! The typhoon passed south of Kyushu. The storm area was so big that it covered the whole island. 

This video was from yesterday, driving to the other city to teach. Looks like a normal rainy day, a bit of wind but not really crazy!

The interesting thing was that once the rain stopped, the wind picked up. 

This is from the community centre where we were teaching. Actually, Mikey was teaching; neither of my students came!

I'm glad that it wasn't that bad. I do worry about these storms. My biggest worry is the cats! If we ever have to evacuate, what would we do with the cats? We have enough carriers for them, but I can't imagine having nine cats in an evacuation centre, in carriers. My cats really don't like the carriers; they just cry all the time!

Just a couple of photos from yesterday.

Very dramatic sky!

Traditional Japanese Seal, Inkan

 This morning, David was looking for an inkan, a traditional Japanese name seal. These are used on documents instead of a signature or in addition to a signature. 

A couple of the inkans that I have

The idea of using seals came to Japan through China and Korea. The oldest known Japanese seal is a gold seal given by the Chinese Han emperor in 57AD to a Kyushu ruler.

During the Edo period (1603 to 1868), merchants and some farmers began using them.  It wasn't until the Meiji era that the modern inkan system became formalised, and people were required to register personal seal for legal use. That system is still in place; you have to register your personal seal at the city hall. For some legal documents, you need a certificate, called "inkan shomeisho", to show that the inkan you are using is yours. This is required for certain loans, high-value purchases or legally binding transactions.

The inkan is seen as being more formal, trustworthy and serious. Many documents will have a circle where you are to place your stamp. 

I've never understood the need for inkan. I feel that a signature is a better way of showing your identity. It's harder to forge a signature than to steal an inkan. A few years ago, there was a spate of robberies near where we lived. In most cases, the person's bank books and inkan were stolen; with these, the robbers could get the money from the bank with no questions asked. If a signature was required as well as the inkan, it would have made it harder to get the money.

I have my inkan registered with the city hall. I did this after Hisao passed away. I wanted to change our bank account from our joint names to my name. I thought it would be easy: show Hisao's ID and death certificate and my ID. I forgot about the inkan that was used to open the account. I had to go back with the inkan, but I took the wrong one. The next day I went back with 10 different inkans; they all had our family name on them, but each one was slightly different. Of course, none of these inkans was the one used to open the account. In the end, it was easier to close that account, register a new inkan and make a new account! Since then, I have always carried my inkan with me!