Mom

 Today is nineteen years since Mom passed away.

I can't imagine what she would be like if she had lived, like Hisao, they are frozen in time, in my memory. 

One thing remember are all the stories she would tell us of her childhood.  These are the things that I remember and I know that memories are weird, they change and get distorted.  So if my Dad and brothers remember different things, that's okay!  I'm sharing my memories.

How to catch a rabbit, was a story that had me giggling a lot.  Mom was the youngest of eight children.  Her mother, my Grandmother, died when Mom was just 6 years old.  My Granddad worked on a farm, long hard hours, so her older brothers had to watch Mom a lot.  Of course, as boys they wanted to be off on their own adventures!  To keep Mom busy they taught her how to catch rabbits.  They would take her to a hole, place a lettuce leaf with some pepper on it and a brick next to the leaf.  The idea was the rabbit would smell the lettuce, come out of the hole, sniff the pepper, sneeze and knock itself out on the brick. Apparently, Mom spent most of the day watching this hole, the fact that there were no rabbits inside didn't matter, it kept Mom occupied while her brothers went off doing whatever they wanted!!

I remember Mom making fantastic fancy dress costumes for me, I actually won one year, I was dressed as the Queen of Hearts.  Mom made a dress of red and white crepe paper, a cardboard crown and even the jam tarts for me to carry!!  There were fairy wings made of old wallpaper,  doing puzzles together and songs at night, even though she couldn't sing.  There were games of eye-spy, the one I remember was playing with Steve.  He had something beginning with 'M', Mom and I guessed for ages, finally had to give in!  Turned out to be a motorbike going down the road!!! Water fights in the summer and if we were lucky to get snow then snowball fights!!

Even though 19 years have passed I still miss her.   As I watch my kids grow up I want to call her and tell her all the daft things they do!

Found some photos

I don't when or where

She thought I had no film in the camera

At work

With Alan

With Hannah, a year before she passed

Cats

 

No, I haven't gone mad and got a load of new cats!  This is a cat cafe that Hannah went to this morning.  She had to buy a swimsuit for next week, she has to go to a special needs school for the day and the lessons include swimming.  She checked the local mall and stores but nothing.  I told her that the bigger mall was just a few stations away.  Also, the station is only 2 minutes walk to the mall.  This might be dangerous as the mall has a load of shops that Hannah loves!  She spent time in the cat cafe, got the swimsuit that she needed, then off to the bookshop.  She sent me a message saying that the bookshop has a lot of education books, but she came back with this.

History of cats!

This sign tickled Hannah

The sign says 'Cats Only'

Feeling better

 First I would like to say thank you to my friends who reached out with advice and support on facebook and messenger.  I'm grateful that you took time to read and to write back.  My heart feels a lot better because of that!

When I wrote last time I realized that I was very angry about things.  I've known about these problems with the house for  the past few months so why so angry now.  Part of it was the extreme heat we've been experiencing, up 33C the other day. I'm frustrated as I have so much to do but with the heat it's impossible to do anything.  I would love to work away at the problems at the other house and keep this house and yard clean and tidy but just no energy at all.  I'm trying to get up early, about 5am to get things done before it gets hot but after a few days I'm exhausted.  Still keep trying.  I'm grateful that David is willing to cook most days, that really helps!  At the moment I have no appetite so no idea what to make.  

Of course the cats have to make life hard.  Poor Sam hasn't been peeing.  Two of the older cats have problems with their kidneys so we are very careful about things.  Hannah and Christopher took him to the vet this morning.  He has crystals forming not really a stone as yet.  He got an injection which will make him drink a lot.  Hannah also bought flea medication, cost a fortune but she is willing to pay.  I feel sorry for her as she is working two part time jobs to make money for graduate school in two years time.  

David and Sam, few months ago

Money

 This post is just me having a moan, feel free to skip it!

Money is the bane of my life.  I've never felt I have enough to really live.  Survive, yes, but to have fun money, money for trips or treats has been very little.  Here I am now 60 years old and still struggling.

If we didn't have to move we would be okay, again just surviving.  No extra money, just pay the bills, rent and buy food.  That's okay, not great but okay.  But we have to move, by January 2025 we have to be out of this house.  That's just 30 months away.  The problem is the house hasn't been taken care of.  It was built about 30 years ago but nothing has been done for its upkeep.  There is no toilet waste tank, the bathroom tiles have come off and need replacing, most of the outside rain spouts need replacing and it's too small so the storage area needs to be refitted to be bedrooms.  The bathroom sink has a leak in the waste pipe, that will have to be changed and any water damage will need fixing.  I have no idea about the roof or structural problems, there are some cracks outside, but I don't know how deep they are.  I honestly think pulling it down and rebuilding would be better.  But no money!!  I can't get a mortgage or loan because my age and my kids only have part-time jobs, which they will quit when we move as it's too far to come so I don't know if they can get a loan.  The only asset we have is the other land but that can only be sold to someone who wishes to farm it.  Even then we won't get that much!  

I'm now losing sleep over this.  It's hot, up to 32 degrees the past few days but I'm trying not to run the air conditioner as I don't have extra money for high electric bills.  I feel so sad and defeated.  

Just to make things a bit more miserable Mama fell from the banister yesterday.  I honestly don't know what's wrong with these cats!  They have slept there for the past few years and never had a problem, but now they keep falling.  So far Sam, Fluffy and Mama.  They all seem to land face first!

Poor Mama

What Happened?

 Before I start my moaning some good news!  I went to the hospital on Wednesday, blood tests for cancer and diabetes.  Cancer test came back negative, good.  I only have one more appointment in September for all the scans and xrays, then my five years are finished!  The test for my diabetes was also very good.  I was first diagnosed in January and put on two different medicines.  Now I only need one.  The doctor said that if I keep up, I should be off the medicine by September.  I've lost a lot of weight.  From my highest about  6 years ago, I'm down 17kg (just over 2 stone,  37 pounds), most of that I lost this year.  Unfortunately, since Hannah's birthday, I've fallen back into bad habits, just a taste of this or a mouthful of that.  Got to get back to being strict with myself.  I do feel a lot better and I know that if I could drop another 10kgs I would have a lot more energy.

Now onto the what happened?  Monday morning, Wednesday morning and this morning (Friday) I went out.  Monday was shopping, Wednesday was the hospital and today to the other house.  I'm shocked at the state of my house, every single room is a mess.  I thought I had a good system in place but it all seems to have fallen apart.  One problem is that the deep cleaning that I do before summer hasn't been done.  The small space between the fridge and counter in the kitchen is full of dust, the kitchen cabinets need a good cleaning, as well as the fridge.  My bedroom has clean laundry on the floor,  I've been washing the winter things to put away but haven't finished as yet.  All the floors are bad, the cats are shedding and even though we brush them there is still a lot of cat hair all over.  And then there is the garden.  I can't wrap my head around how much there is to do.  I guess step by step.  My biggest problem is the heat.  Today was up to 31 degrees,  tomorrow and Monday will be even hotter.  My plan is to get up early and get as much done as possible before the heat starts.  Also, I'm reluctant to run the air conditioners as electricity is very expensive. I will let you know if my plans and reality match up!

Hydrangeas look nice!

I Must Be Mad

 Friday and Saturday I felt really ill.  Fever of 38C, sore throat, earache and constantly snufflying.  I only had one lesson on Friday so I could rest but Saturday was very busy.  Every 2nd and 4th Saturday Mikey has classes at the local community centers.  He also has a lot of lessons here, so on those days I teach Mikey's classes as well as my own.  Of course last Saturday was the day he had to go to the community center.  Hannah taught one lesson but she had part time job during the other lessons.  I managed okay, gave the kids worksheets to do, which helped.  The hardest one was two 5th grade girls, they are lovely girls but they have so much energy.  Mikey did my last lesson so I could go to bed early, about 6pm!  I slept very well, I had taken a load of medicine.  Woke up early Sunday morning feeling a lot better.  Got a few chores done and decided to tackle the jungle aka the garden.

The entrance to the back garden

When I saw how bad it was I wanted to go back inside but I know if I do that it will never be done.  Christopher helped me.  I managed to chop down and dig out loads of weeds.  One is very invasive and stings even through the gloves I was wearing.  Spent about half an hour, which I know isn't enough but by that time I ached and was soaked in sweat,

HELP

Today I went shopping.  I needed to buy another fan.  I thought we had enough but when I was checking them I found a couple weren't working.  

Now I'm exhausted.  But still a lot to do, always is I guess.  We haven't been to the other house for over a week.  I'm not sure that I can actually do anything as it is getting too hot.  One thing I noticed was a few bushes of blueberries.  Hope to go and get some.

Poor Fluffy

 The top of our stairs has a banister which is basically a low wall.  From the upstairs corridor, it is about a meter high but the other side drops into the stairwell.  Of course, the cats love to sleep on there, it's about a cat wide, so they just fit.  I think it's cool as three windows blow a lovely breeze onto it.

The other day I was sitting in the living room when I heard a crash.  Fluffy came in with blood pouring from her nose.  She had fallen down the stairwell.  David and I managed to get her and clean up her nose, which of course is all swollen.  I was a bit worried at first, especially since she wouldn't eat, but we gave her some special food and she ate it.  We kept an eye on her for a couple of days but she seems fine.  One problem with Fluffy is that she is always falling off things.  She sleeps on the table a lot, but always on the edge, not the middle, so of course falls off.

Fluffy on the banister

Looking cute

Summer Colds

 Summer colds are so miserable.  I've been suffering for two weeks now.  My throat is sore, and I keep losing my voice. Kids are happy as it is peaceful and I can't keep asking them to do things, but teaching is difficult.  My headaches all the time and I feel miserable.  To make things worse I have a lot to do.  Somehow the cats got into the understairs cupboard and ripped boxes and bags so I need to clean it out,  the rooms that I use for teaching are a mess and I have to figure out how to teach much/many to my student this evening.  But all I want to do is sleep!!  

Then there is the disaster that is the garden, the weeds are taller than me!  I do think about doing it but whenever I have the time it rains, good excuse!  If I don't cut down the trees and hedge soon my neighbours will start to complain.  

So should I just rest to feel better or push myself?  I've been resting a lot recently but feel no better!!!  I don't want to go to the doctor as I have a hospital appointment next week and that is all I can deal with.  I'll try and get something done then rest.  David is making lunch which helps a lot!  Christopher has hung the laundry, so just the floor to sweep and the understairs cupboard to clean, the rest will have to wait.

David keeps taking my phone to take selfies so I am going to post them here!

I like the ones with the cats, he is trying to copy the cats expression.

Sixty Two

 That is how old Hisao would of been today.  I was wondering how we would of celebrated his birthday, maybe a trip to the city to try out a new resturant. It would be a low keyed celebration but fun.  So that is what I'm going to do, keep things simple but try to have fun.  I'm thinking of waiting until Sunday to do anything as today is very busy and I'm not feeling good, allergies and a cold!!  So on Sunday I'll prepare a nice meal and make a cake (or buy a cake depending on how hot it is).

Just a few random photos!

Today is also the day that my brother in law commited suicide.  That made celebrating Hisao's birthday hard.  When my mother in law was alive she would give money to the Buddhist priest to come and say a special prayer,  she didn't celebrate the son that was alive.  I guess it was her way of dealing with guilt.  Mental health is still not talked about,  it's getter better but still years behind the UK.  So I'm guessing that when my brother in law was struggling there was no help available. 

It's That Month

 June, the month that has so much heartache for me!   I go through this every year.  So many memories, my husband's birthday, Mom's passing, my brother-in-law's passing, and our dog's passing. My cancer was this month as well. So much pain in one month.  So I want to try and make some good memories for this month, do something fun but to begin the month I got sick, just a stupid summer cold but it made me more miserable than I already was.  Feeling a bit better so wondering what to do.  The problem is no car so can't go anywhere, Mikey is using the car today.  Also there are a load of things that I have to do!  After the problem with the electricity, for which we had to call an electrician in and spend almost 300 pounds to fix, I noticed that the kitchen needs to be deep cleaned again.  The dining area floor needs to be done; of course, all the daily chores still need to be done.  So I guess fun will have to wait a bit!!

One thing that I am enjoying is the blackberries that have grown.  This year I have a lot of fruit.  I've made muffins and will make some more later today and the other night I made a smoothie, which was very nice.

blackberry smoothie

So off to start the kitchen!!!