The Kids Are Grown, The Worry Isn't

 When my kids were little, I imagined a time in the future when I wouldn't worry about them all the time.

As any parent knows, raising kids isn't just about homework, club activities, movie nights, birthdays and Christmases. It's also kids shouting at 2am because they feel sick; they always seem to vomit just as you get to the door with a bucket; it's about waiting at the doctor's with a child crying in pain because of a fever; it's dental appointments where the sound of the drill makes your child go white before they are even in the chair. It's fear, stress and worry, 24/7. That is parenting: fantastic highs, scary lows, sleepless nights, fantastic snuggles.

I hoped that when my kids got to adulthood, all that would be behind me. The running around is gone; they see to their own appointments. But the worry isn't. When I see my kids sick or hurt, it's still a worry; even Mikey, who is 34, came home on crutches the other week after an accident at work. My heart stopped as I saw him hobble in.

This week my worry has gone up 100%. It all started with a phone call from Hannah.

She called Monday evening; she was white and wide-eyed, not a good start. 

She had what she called an episode. This is the third time, so we can't dismiss it. As she describes it, she suddenly sees letter and words floating around, also hearing conversations she's had, but only her side of them. She feels sick; twice she vomited. She feels disoriented, not sure where she is and dizzy. The episode doesn't last long but is frightening. Could this trigger a full-blown seizure? Is it a different form of epilepsy, like an absence seizure, where the brain seizes but the body doesn't shake? 

Mikey picked her up so she could stay overnight here. I think she wanted to sleep but was worried that she would have a seizure. 

We spent a lot of time talking and asking AI. I know AI isn't for diagnosing things; I wasn't looking for that, but just something to offer Hannah some encouragement, something to think about and also what to ask at an appointment. 

Of course, Tuesday was a national holiday, so she called her neurologist this morning. The epilepsy specialist is here today; he comes once a month, and she managed to get an appointment at 2:30. I told her to really push to get an appointment; there are only 4 specialists in the north of Kyushu, so getting an appointment is hard.

That's enough worry!

Yesterday David came home from work complaining of a stomachache; he had diarrhoea. We thought it might have been something he had eaten. But as the day wore on, he got worse. By night, he was shivering under his blankets; his fever was 38.8C, he was complaining of having a headache and that his knees and elbows were painful. He took some painkillers, which helped, and he managed to sleep.

This morning I made a big pot of chicken soup; it was the only thing I could think of to get him to eat. 

He's at the doctor's now. He must be very sick, as he doesn't like to go to the doctor; he prefers to just stay in bed and sleep.

I know that neither of these things is an absolute crisis, and with the good medical care here in Japan, things will get taken care of, but for me it feels a bit too much!

I wish life could be more linear: get one problem, solve it, move on to the next. Unfortunately, life is far messier than that!

Just a random photo of Steve. I took this this morning; he looks like he's wearing eye makeup.

Getting Lost!

 David said there was a kofun, an ancient burial mound, in a nearby city. I've developed a real interest in Japanese history, especially this area's history. All of my kids are into history, so they don't mind taking me to museums and explaining things to me.

I enjoy going out with David, but he has no sense of direction. He gets lost a lot. The other week, he was late getting home from work; he had taken the wrong turn. He's driven that route for 2 years but still gets lost. Driving to a new place is an adventure, even with Google Maps guiding him.

We dropped off Christopher as it was on the way; we then took off in the general direction of the museum. As we got closer, David used Google Maps to guide him. One problem we had was that Google Maps would say to turn right, but it wasn't a right turn; the road just curved to the right, and there was a left turn off the main road. This happened a few times because we were in the foothills of a mountain range; the roads and buildings are built to try to use the land as efficiently as possible.

The map guided us up this narrow, steep road, saying that we were near our destination, but we couldn't see anything that looked like a museum. Just a Torii gate and a lot of overgrown hills.

David is swearing at Google Maps because it's saying we have reached our destination.

We followed the road round to the opposite side of the hill and found the museum, only to find that it was closed! Typical.

Still, we could have a look around the outside; stunning views over the valley- just that was worth the drive.

A little church opposite the museum

I love the mist on the mountains.

We walked down a little path to a display of houses from the Yayoi Period, 300 BCE to 250 CE. They were fenced off, but we could see the outside of the buildings.

On the way back, I noticed this cute sign saying stop; it's on a path that leads to the road. The parking is on the opposite side of the museum.

Cute とまれ means stop!　

We took a different route back as I wanted to stop in a few shops out that way.

I didn't expect to be driving down the road that I used to live near when I first came here 35 years ago. I haven't been in this area for about 10 years; there have been some changes, but a lot was still the same.

The statue of Daihonzan Naritasan Temple

This massive statue dominates the skyline in this area. 

Another place that has been around for ages is an old recyle shop.

That Santa has been out there for years; he's looking a bit sad now, but the red used to be very bright!

We had a quick look round, then went on to our next stop. On the way, we passed the place where I bought a baby bath 35 years ago.

Just after the Joyfull restaurant is a half-brick building, which is where I bought the baby bath. The shop has changed hands many times, but the building is still there.

We had a nice morning; I really enjoyed our little adventure, even if the museum was closed. We'll try to go again, I hope.

The Pain Is Back Part Two

 I really hoped that the painkillers from the doctor would be enough. They helped for 3 hours, but then the effects wore off, and I was in a lot of pain again. I basically didn't sleep Friday night- maybe just one hour. I sat and watched YouTube. When I can't sleep, I usually read, but even that was painful, as I couldn't bend my neck!

Saturday morning, David took me back to the doctor; I was hoping for some stronger painkillers. The doctor recommended rehabilitation, basically a very good massage. The physiotherapist tried to speak English but was very relieved when I used Japanese to explain my symptoms. Through my bad Japanese and her bad English, we managed to communicate. 

The massage really helped. Before she started, she had me raise my arms. I couldn't raise my left arm very much, but after she finished, I could raise it a bit more. I was given a couple of different medicines, one for the nerves, another to relax the muscles. These have helped a lot, but the side effects are rather strange; I'm dizzy and very sleepy. But they are helping, and my schedule this week isn't very heavy; tomorrow is a national holiday, so I don't have to teach.

The drive to the doctor's was very nice. It had been raining overnight, leaving the mountains covered in mist. I took a little video, but you can't really see the mist.

I think in the photos it's a bit clearer.

Usually at the end of the road, you can see the mountains in the distance.

I'm feeling a lot better now, not 100% but better. I managed to have a good sleep last night, until I got woken up by the rain. My bed is under the window; I leave my window open a bit, even in the winter. Last night there was a rather heavy storm. I woke up because I could feel water splashing on my face. At first, I thought it was one of the cats peeing on me, but then I realised it was the rain being blown through the window.

Today David and I went on an adventure, but that's for tomorrow's post.

The Pain Is Back

 I think I mentioned before that I have a herniated disc in my neck. It's bulging out and pinching the nerves, which gives me pain in my neck and shoulders, especially on the left side. Most of the time, it's more annoying than painful, but occasionally it gets very painful, and I can't move my neck or arm.

This all started on Friday morning; I woke up in pain at about 4am. I took some painkillers, hoping that it was just a small problem that would right itself with painkillers and movement. As much as I wanted to sleep again, I knew that would be impossible, so I decided to clean the kitchen, make obento and breakfast. One chore that I never seem to be on top of is washing the dishes. Part of the problem is the lack of storage for clean dishes. On Friday morning, I managed to clean out the sink; I stacked things and hoped they wouldn't fall. I even took a photo and sent it to David, who was still at work. The message I sent was "Look, a miracle happened" 

My sink was finally clean, except for a bit of trash in the drain collector.

I was really hoping that I would be alright, but by 8 o'clock I realised that I needed to go to the doctor.

Mikey took me; on the way, I explained what had happened that might be the cause of the pain this time. Earlier in the week, I had grabbed one of the cats; as I picked him up, I felt pain in the middle of my back. It wasn't too bad, but I think it might have pulled on something, which in turn moved the herniated disc, resulting in the pain I was experiencing.

The clinic I go to is very efficient, and I didn't have to wait very long. Mikey explained to the doctor what had happened and the symptoms I'm experiencing. The doctor thought that was very funny. He said that he could give me an injection to help with the pain. At first, I refused, explaining that I had a bad experience with injections in my knee. The doctor explained that he uses an echo machine to guide the injection of saline, which helps to open the muscle. I agreed to that. The doctor turned to me with a big smile and said, in English, "You very smart", which made me laugh! 

I had the injection, then an electric pulse machine was placed on the area, and a nice hot pack was applied. I went home with some stronger painkillers, hoping that in a few days I would be better.

But, of course, life isn't that easy.

I wanted to write everything in one post, but I need to get off my computer now before the pain gets bad again.

Maybe I can write more tomorrow!

Mom

Mom would have been 87 yesterday!

It's hard to believe, but Mom was 64 when she passed away- the age I am now! 

It feels too young to die! I know that people die at any age, from just being born to people in their 100s. 

Still, 64 is young; at least I feel it's young.

I remember talking to Hannah about Bonnie Tyler dying this past summer. She was 75; I remarked to Hannah that was young. Hannah said it wasn't that young. I guess it's closer to my age; therefore, it feels young.

Thinking about Mom, when I was a kid I realised that she never took time for herself. She was always doing something. She always worked, even part-time; she cleaned the house constantly and cooked almost every day. Sunday was baking day; almost every week, growing up we had some kind of cake on Sunday. She never missed a birthday, and Christmas cards were always sent out in plenty of time. 

In her 50s, she did start to do things she enjoyed, visiting places, going to the theatre. 

I always saw my Mom as the perfect Mom and often wondered how she did it all. She was always there to comfort and fix things. I used to think she had some kind of magic. 

I wonder what she would have been like if she had lived. Something I'll never know.

Found a few photos of Mom.

One of the first photos of Mom; she said she was in her teens here.

The last photo I have of Mom, just a couple of weeks before she passed away.

Happier times, on the beach with baby Mikey.

One thing I learnt from Mom is that life is for living, not just sitting and worrying. Mom worried a lot, but she also kept on going!

On one trip back to the UK, Mom and I were shopping at a market. There was a butcher's shop; the butcher was trying to sell some beef. This was when mad cow disease was discovered in the UK; the price of beef dropped, and it was difficult to sell as people were worried about getting sick.

The butcher kept dropping the price of this piece of beef, but no one was interested. When it got ridiculously low, Mom shouted out that she would buy it. The lady next to her said, "You're stupid buying that; you could die if you eat beef"

My Mom's reply was priceless: "That's true, I could die if I eat beef but I could walk out of here and get hit by a bus, I would rather enjoy a nice roast dinner than worry about a diesease that won't show up for years. If you want safety, stay in bed!" There was a round of applause from the customers and the butcher!

Life is indeed dangerous and scary. But wasting away in bed because you are too scared is just sad. On the days when my anxiety overwhelms me and I feel that I can't go on, I remember the beef incident and ask myself what Mom would do.

Internet Gurus

 Maybe "YouTube gurus" is a better description!

Since I started my Etsy shop, I've been watching and reading about how to design, find your niche, and, most importantly, make money.

I spent a few months watching different people talk about how to make things like gratitude journals or travel journals with AI, mainly using Canva and selling on KDP. This was something that really inspired me. I love journals and pretty notebooks. 

I tried to make a nice gratitude journal, but trying to make lines on a computer screen that are level proved to be a lot harder than it looked in the video. After a lot of attempts, a lot of shouting at the computer and a lot of frustration, I gave up.

Then I came across one video that sparked my interest in designing T-shirts.

Just one thing that he said made me stop and think. I'm paraphrasing here, but he basically asked, "How much have you made with your print-on-demand store (POD)?" He said that so many people spend months or even years watching videos, reading blogs and articles, but never actually start the business. He said that if you've made bad designs, that's good because it means you've started.

That really hit home. One, I'm not the only one who sits around doing "research" but actually just procrastinating; two, I can just start; I don't need permission, and if it fails, at least I can say I tried.

This was the push I needed to start, and I'm glad I did. I have another focus, another thing to think about and learn about.

But now I'm starting to get rather frustrated with these internet gurus and their clickbait. The ones that start their videos with "Follow my exact formula, and you will make $10,000 a month". Then the first thing they say is to use the most expensive AI out there. Or the ones who say to follow the trends, but they don't explain why it's a trend or how long it's been a trend or if it's going to last.

Most of these start their videos by showing screenshots of how much they've made. A few million dollars over a couple of years seems to be the most common amount.

My kids say that this is similar to the Gold Rush in the 1840s in California. Sure, a few people got rich from finding gold, but more people got rich selling the shovels and other mining equipment. The same goes for these people making videos and articles about POD; I think they are making more money from subscribers to their video channel than from their POD business.

I still watch a couple of these videos once or twice a week; most of what they say I take with a pinch of salt. I'm learning how to navigate Etsy and other webpages to get ideas for my designs. I also look at what people are wearing and what's in the local stores. Hannah keeps telling me not to stare at people; I tell her I'm not staring, just trying to memorise their T-shirt! I actually keep a notebook with me now so I can jot down any good ideas I see or inspiration I get.

This week, with the new Etsy guidelines, I was grateful for some of these people who spent time going through the pages of information from Etsy and summarising it. I have a basic idea of the new guidelines but need to spend time reading them myself, maybe at the weekend.

I'm still putting out new designs, a few a day.

Here are a couple that I really like.

Cats as Japanese food.

A sweatshirt for the new year. The bottom picture is the front; the top one is the back.

Have a look; it helps my store get noticed. There's a link on the right-hand side.

Start Panicking!

 Yesterday, I decided that panicking wasn't helping me, and I wasn't going to do it anymore.

That didn't last 24 hours!

It wasn't the typhoon; it actually died and turned into a rainstorm.  I enjoyed listening to the rain and the nice, cool evening and night it brought.

The panic today was when Hannah called.

We use video calling, so when she called this morning with a big grin but wide-eyed, I knew something had happened. My first thought was that she burned something while cooking or ruined some clothes in the laundry and wanted some help to figure out what to do. That's a usual Hannah call, or asking if milk that is one day past the expiration date is alright to use.

This morning, however, was a very different call.

She had received a message from the university to stay away until further notice; there was a bomb scare!

Yes. A bomb scare in peaceful Japan.

The campus was evacuated, and the police did a thorough search. It's a large campus, so it took most of the day to search it. Hannah's afternoon class was cancelled, which she was happy about, as she was doing research for her thesis and had gotten into a good place and didn't want to stop.

This is the second bomb scare that has affected my family.

The first one was a few years ago when Christopher was in junior high school. It was during the practice for the sports day event. I had gone shopping and came back at about 11 a.m.; Christopher was sitting in the living room. I thought he was sick, but he said that a note had been left at the school office saying that there was a bomb in the school. The school was evacuated, and the kids were sent home.

I didn't really panic today, well, a little bit. The world seems to be a scarier place than before. Between wars, riots, and natural disasters, there seems to be no end to the misery. I think it's time for another news fast!

I have my own disasters to worry about; my garden is now officially a jungle! I need to get out there and clean it up; even a bit might help. 

My finances are another disaster. I've always worried about money, but at the same time I always had some confidence that I could get new students. Now that has finished, and I'm looking at new ways to make money. 

My cats are causing disasters in the house.

The cats destroyed the doors.

These are basically paper doors; they were already a mess when we moved in, but the cats have totally destroyed them. We don't use that room, so I'm thinking of taking the doors off, maybe putting accordion doors on later.

I need some energy to tackle the disasters in my life!!

And yes, I know that things aren't really that bad; some people have it a lot worse!