Why Is It So Hard?

 My health challenge got derailed, big time!

I know what to eat, I know what exercises suit my body, and I can do, but........!!!!

It all feels too hard!

It's August 9th today; out of those nine days, I've been able to stick to my plan maybe 4 days! The other days I'm eating the wrong things; white bread and snack bread are my big downfall, but I'm not eating that much. I think I'm suffering from natsubate, summer fatigue. I have very little energy; all I want to do is sit and watch TV, not good at all. My appetite is low, but I want all the things I shouldn't have: a sandwich, snack bread or ice cream; none of these is good for me.

Also, it's hard to get energy to cook or prepare meals. Even with the air conditioner, I just can't be bothered to prepare something for myself. I make breakfast and obento. I make lunch for whoever is at home, but dinner is usually self-service; whoever is here gets their own dinner, usually leftovers. If I'm making for others, then it's easy to make something for myself, but if it's just me, then I grab whatever is easy!

As for exercise, I try most days, at least to do some stretching. At the moment, I'm in a lot of pain because of a herniated disc in my neck. I've been spending hours on my computer making T-shirt designs, but that has put a lot of strain on my neck! I've been wearing my collar a lot to support my neck; it helps, but I do need to go to a doctor or chiropractor. I hope to go after next week!

I need to get my act together! I need to lose this weight and feel better in myself!

I want to shop for nice clothes, but the only place I can buy anything is online, which is alright. I love going shopping with Hannah and seeing her try on different outfits. I want to do that again!!!

I was looking for some photos to put on! I realised that since having Hannah, 24 years ago, I haven't been under 90 kg! Getting under that would be a big achievement!

I'm being brave!

This is me at my highest weight, about 110kg!

I can never get back to that; I couldn't walk for more than 5 minutes without being in pain!

Back to the plan!!!

Any tips?

Shopping

This morning I decided to go shopping in a small town which is in the opposite direction from where I usually shop. Even though it's hot, being in the car with the air conditioner blasting made for a nice ride.

Where I usually shop is toward the city and the built-up area; this was toward the countryside. Hannah was with us, so I asked her to take some video.

Part of the drive is through a small town, where some of the buildings come right up to the road; there's no pavement, and some places don't have any front garden or space between the building and the road. I always feel that it's a bit scary to step out of a building right onto the road. 

I want to get a video of the view. This is the road that runs off from the road we are on. I never think that our elevation is so high until I see the view. When we drive up here, it doesn't feel as if the road is going uphill; maybe if I walked it, I would feel it more!

I went for basic groceries; we are always running short on something! David shops on his way home, but I prefer to buy fresh vegetables myself. Recently, there hasn't been a lot of lettuce in the shops; I wonder why?

On the way home, we stopped at a recyle shop. Most recyle shops in Japan are like chain stores; every city has the same ones. I like to find smaller, unique ones, which is what we found today. I'm looking for a kitchen cabinet. I've seen some lovely ones, but they are very expensive. I'm hoping to eventually be able to completely remodel the kitchen, so I only need something for the next year or so; therefore, I don't want to spend a fortune on a new cabinet. 

The place we stopped at didn't have what I wanted but did have a lot of lovely stuff, a real mix of things! Old rotary phones, different Japanese dolls, even a Japanese sword, but I think it was a replica. I picked up some lovely towels, 2 big bath towels and a set of dish clothes for 300 yen, about £1. They are all good quality too. In Japan, towel sets are given as gifts; they are expensive and very good quality. I think that people get a lot of these gifts and never use them. I remember when my kids were little, they all got sick at the same time. I was telling one of my students that I was running out of towels. I kept washing them, but because of the weather, they didn't dry quickly! The next week she came with a load of really nice gift towels; she said that she had so many that she would never get round to using them all! They were such good quality that we used them constantly for about 20 years before they got holes in them!

The towels I bought.

While I was out, Christopher made lunch.

Cold soba.

He made cold soba with an unusual dipping soup, a duck-flavoured soup. The soup had a lovely smoky taste. I really enjoyed this lunch! Christopher had eaten this soba with his friends once and found the noodles and soup at Costco, so he bought them! I think in the winter this would be nice as hot soba!

Yet Another This And That Post

 I have writer's block!

Or a boring life at the moment, as I have no idea what to write about!

Part of the problem is that I don't get out much; the heat makes it almost impossible to move from my room! I feel as if my life has become very small, just this room, my computer and TV.

I'm keeping myself occupied by making T-shirt designs. I need to learn how to draw or design, as using AI can be very frustrating. 

I decided to use this picture I made.

I asked AI to change the cat; it asked: "What cat?"

But after a lot of back and forth, it came up with this image.

This is nice, but it looks like a photo stuck on a T-shirt. I want it to look more natural.

I have a few pictures like this now, as my prompts aren't very effective. Can I sell them as cards or wall art? Something else to explore.

Hannah is home for a few days. She asked if she could come back for a while. I asked why; she said that she misses the cats! I thought she would say that she misses me or my cooking! Last night the cats were fighting, so I kept telling Hannah to see to them; she misses them, so she can take care of them.

AI has just finished making a design from that picture, only took an hour of back and forth. I'm using free AI at the moment; I hope I can get a paid subscription soon!

Here is the finished product.

The AI on the site that I'm using to create the T-shirts makes a title for each product. The original title for this was "Wolf Silhouette Looking At The Moon"; it's not a wolf!

My Brain Is Melting

 At least that's what it feels like!

It's been so hot here! Monday was 40℃ in the city where we live. We are slightly elevated, so here it was 39℃, no difference really!

Every day, though, the temperature is above 35℃. It feels relentless; we had a few showers on Tuesday, but that made things worse. I felt as if there was no air outside!

The people who live at the epicentre of last week's earthquake are experiencing the same weather, but they have no power and no running water. Help is getting there, but one problem is that kilometres of downed power lines will take time to put up again!

In Kurume City, there is a 3-day summer festival that ends with an incredible fireworks display. This display has become so popular that there are now two venues along the river, two separate displays. This year, however, the display was cancelled as there weren't enough firefighters; a lot were sent to help in the earthquake area.

So why do I feel as if my brain is melting?

The past week, I've had a few misadventures with time and language that I can only attribute to a melting brain!

Monday, early evening, I was so exhausted from going to my friends, then cleaning my room and organising my new desk. About 5:30, I decided to close my eyes for a bit. I had a headache starting and thought that resting for an hour would be better than taking aspirin. I woke up at 6:30, in complete panic. I went to Christopher's room, knocking on the door, saying that I was sorry I hadn't made breakfast, but I still had time to make an obento. Christopher just looked at me. He said, "Mom, it's still yesterday", which doesn't make sense! I looked at him, the told me that it was still Monday evening; I hadn't overslept! I looked at my phone, and sure enough, it was still Monday. I thought I had slept from 5:30 Monday evening to 6:30 Tuesday morning!

I'm also having problems remembering English words. For some unknown reason, I remember the Japanese word but not the English word. That is very weird, as my Japanese is not that good. The other evening I was talking to one of my students about discrimination, but I couldn't remember that word; the Japanese word sabetsu came easily to me! 

Am I losing my mind? Is this the beginning of dementia? I don't think so; I think it's just a mix of being exhausted because of the heat, feeling anxious about a lot of things and trying to do too much at once! I am aware that at my age there could be early signs of dementia, so I'm reading about that and how to avoid it. I always think of my hairdresser. She's in her 80s but is still working and has a lot of energy. She eats healthily, she exercises, and her work means she is standing all day. She is always learning new things; recently she took up the piano! Because of her work, she has social contact every day. These are all things that are recommended to keep your brain functioning well. I want to have that kind of life; I don't want to be that old lady sitting in a chair, drooling and staring into space! This is part of my motive for my health reset! Also part of the reason I've started my Etsy shop; there's a lot to learn!

I've been busy making more T-shirt designs. It's fun, but some of the designs don't work on T-shirts. I'm wondering what to do with these pictures!

I used this photo of my cats for the above picture.

I'm wondering what to do with these pictures.

I've been trying to add my Etsy Store as a hyperlink on the sidebar, but it just won't work.

So here's the link.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JackiesNekoTales

Have a look. I need to start making sales!!!!

Being Hyper Vigilant

 According to my journal, this time last week I was wondering about new designs for my T-shirt business and how to get people to my Etsy shop. 

I jotted down that I was worried by the 10-day forecast that was showing extreme heat and wondered how to get to my lessons; the air conditioner in Mikey's car doesn't work, and I was worried I'd get sick just going to the next city.

At 4:27 pm last Tuesday, all those thoughts flew out of my head. 

My phone alarm went off, then the building started to move, a lot.

I looked calm; Mikey was teaching young kids, just 5 and 3 years old. I didn't want to scare them by panicking, but internally I was having a meltdown!

Since the initial earthquake, we have had a few aftershocks, which is normal. Only one big enough to sound the alarm on my phone, but a lot of smaller ones.

The first night family and friends sent me messages, asking if we were alright. I'm deeply grateful for those messages and the concern of people but everytime my phone beeped I wondered if it was the start of another alarm!

The past week I've been hyper vigilant. Every creak of the house, everytime a heavy truck goes by I wonder if it's another earthquake. I look at my phone wondering if it's going to alert and say "Earthquake, earthquake" in it's rather posh voice. I'm nervous all the time! The other evening one of the cats slammed into my door and I jumped off my bed! 

This is exhausting, I don't sleep very deeply as a rule, the past week my sleep had been very light! Saturday night we had a few after shocks. One at 10pm, I called Hannah, we were tryng to figure out if we were imagining things or not. Hannah and I have decided that if we feel an earthquake then we will call each other, Then at 1 am and 4 am. I felt the1 o'clock one but not the 4 oclock one!

A week later and I'm exhausted but a bit calmer. I keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do to stop an earthquake, I wish there was but there isn't. I can prepare, I can advise my kids, but they know more than I do, from 1st grade kids are taught about earthquakes, what to do and how to prepare. What else could I do?

The weather is extreme. Yesterday where I live hit 40℃, that's crazy.

This was my Google Hub this morning.

7:14 in the morning and already 31℃. It has just started to rain but I don't know if that will help cool things down or make it humid.

At least I can stay in a room where I have an air conditioner. The cities at the epicenter of the earthquake have no power and no water, it was 40℃ there as well the past couple of days!

I know earthquakes are part of life here in Japan. I wish I could deal with them better. I'm better this time than 10 years ago. 

If there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, sorry, Grammarly isn't working!

My New Desk

 I should say new to me!

One of my dear friends is going back to her own country early next year, so she is starting to get rid of things that she no longer needs or uses. She already gave me a load of books. Yesterday I got to pick up a desk that I had admired for many years!

My old desk

The desk I was using was one we bought for Hannah; it was alright but very small. Also, I had a load of books balanced on the shelves, not very safe!

This is the desk my friend gave me!

I love that I have space for my books and that it closes up. I don't usually let the cats in my room, but sometimes they get in. With the desk closed, they can't get to my computer- one less worry!

The desk area itself is bigger, which means I have more space to study. I like having my books spread out when I study; this will help a lot!

Mikey took me; we had to use David's car, which is bigger and has an air conditioner that works!

The drive there was nice; I enjoy seeing the countryside, but I wasn't enjoying the road- very bumpy!

On the way back, Mikey started to laugh; he told me to take a photo of a shop sign.

This is a recyle shop. The name of the shop is "Treasure Factory", which you can see on the building. Unfortunately, the name didn't fit onto the sign. So it got shortened to "Treasure Facku"!

I had a lovely day, talking with my friend and having a nice ride out! 

I'm desperate for the heat to break. The garden is now called the jungle; I have to get out and start cutting down the trees, bushes and weeds as much as possible. I thought about going out this morning, but at 7:30 it was already 31℃, a bit too hot to work in for me!

You can hear the insects; it can get very noisy!

I'm still working on my T-shirts, but running out of ideas for quirky, cute designs! If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

Challenge

 After writing yesterday about how I wanted to restart my diet and health quest this month, a friend sent me a challenge, which I've taken up!

The first thing is NO white food, no rice, bread or noodles! That is going to be hard. Last time I managed to lose some weight, I stopped eating carbs at breakfast and dinner. I would eat some at lunch, but a very small portion. I know it's more psychological than physical, but I can't envision a day without some type of carbs. Today I made fish, scotch eggs (because I wanted to put one in Christopher's obento tomorrow), salad, rice and soup. I had everything, but only one scotch egg and a small portion of rice.

Looks like a lot, but most of the plate is taken up by salad and fish.

For later, I have some blueberries and yoghurt in the freezer to eat.

I've decided that at lunchtime I will have fewer carbs each day until I'm not having any at all. I can't just stop eating carbs; I know if I do that I'll feel deprived and then stuff my face. As I said, it's psychological!

My friend also challenged me to walk 10 to 15 minutes after every meal. I don't have the confidence to walk by myself in the heat. I'm going to walk in my room or in the dining area, where the air conditioners are. I would rather walk outside, but the heat is scary! Today it's 37℃; the rest of the week is going to be about the same! I know I walked in the heat in Tokyo, but I was with Hannah, and there were a lot of people around; if I did get sick, then it would be easy to call an ambulance. Here I could collapse and be found for ages! So, I'll be walking in the house until the weather changes!

I need this challenge; otherwise, I'll just be doing the same thing but expecting different results. I guess it's time to get real. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to be old, fat and infirm. I want to be old, energetic and able to do things by myself (except dealing with bugs!).

So I've started today. I refused a cookie that David offered me. I ate my lunch, am thinking about eating my yoghurt, but I'm not hungry. I have some boiled eggs to go on a salad for dinner. I need to do some exercise later, but I think for day one I've done alright!

Can I keep this up? This is always my problem: being consistent. I would love to end this year under 90ks, so I guess I don't really have a choice!

I'm sure that I'll be moaning a lot! 

Wish me luck, and send any ideas or encouragement in the comments!