I Caught A Cold

 Or my allergies are very bad!

Not sure which one, but I feel awful! 

I woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept. I had a headache, sore throat, runny nose and no energy whatsoever. I know that a couple of kids I was teaching on Tuesday said that they had colds, so maybe I picked up something from them.

This is typical of me. I have a week's holiday, tomorrow is Hannah's birthday. I have plans and ideas for things I want to do. Getting sick was not part of the plan. I'm sipping ginger tea and trying not to feel sorry for myself.

I always feel May is the last good month. The last month before the heat and humidity set in and make just everyday chores feel impossible.

Having only one working air conditioner doesn't help. I should get at least one more for the kitchen/dining area, but of course, no money.

I was thinking about our money situation yesterday and wondering why it's so hard. I realised that David's and Christopher's combined income is enough to support one person, but it has to support three people. That's crazy.

This is the reality of Japan. I know people in other countries are also struggling, but I only know that from the news.

I'm really wondering what to do. We haven't got any new students; I actually lost one, which really doesn't help. I guess looking into online teaching! Also, I keep seeing these videos about making things like print-on-demand or digital products. They make it look so easy: go to Canva, click here, drag this and voila, you have a product to sell. I keep trying, but end up getting so frustrated that I want to throw my laptop through the window!

I'm just rambling, sorry!

Hisao in May.

This collage just came up on my Google Photos.

April

 It feels as if this month has flown past.

I didn't get as much done as I had hoped this month, but I've made a good start on a few long-term projects.

One is the storage room. I know it isn't really important to clean it out, but it feels like this little annoyance at the back of my mind. I went up yesterday, just for a few minutes, didn't do much, but managed to sort out two more boxes. I realised that when we were packing up the last house, a lot of stuff that should have been thrown out was packed up, so now I'm throwing stuff out!

Another thing I've been working on is the garden. Whenever the weather has been nice, I've gone out and pulled weeds. Not a lot, but it's starting to make a difference. I have a few plants that I want to plant out soon; they are on my windowsill at the moment.

Pumpkin, watermelon and green pepper plants.

I'm still hoping to get some new students. But so far nothing! I guess just keep on posting leaflets and updating our homepage. I really don't know what else to do!

I'm hoping May will be productive. We have a few days' holiday from Saturday, Golden Week. Hannah is coming home for a while; it's her birthday soon.

I'm thinking of setting a few goals for May. I always feel that May is the last month that I can do something before the heat and humidity start. 

Does anyone else have goals for May?

Memories

 Recently, I've been sorting out the thousands of photos and videos I have stored on Google. I pay for the cheapest storage, but I worry about using up too much space.

While I was doing that the other day, I came across some videos of the cats from a few years ago. I actually don't remember taking these videos; maybe Hannah took them.

These were all happy, funny memories.

As I scrolled down, I noticed that the photos went back to 2002, when Hannah was born!

I then came across photos from the last time we went to England before Mom died.

These were hard photos to look at!

Mom with Hannah

Watching the boys play

With me, Hannah and Mikey

Mom was 63, the same age as I am now!

It's hard to believe that a year after these photos were taken, she had lost her battle with cancer.

I often wonder did she feel old. I don't, I know I'm 63, my body feels older sometimes, but in my mind, in my feelings, I feel like I'm in my 30s.

Mom is giving Hannah her bottle.

With Mom's friend

Looks like they are having a good talk

Mom really loved babies and children. I always felt sorry that she didn't get that much time with my kids. One thing that has always hurt me was the fact that my mother-in-law could see my kids as much as she wanted to, but she was never interested in them, until they were old enough to help her with her field work. My Mom would have just dotted on them!

The view from Sedgley Beacon

Sedgley Beacon

One day during our trip, we had a walk over the beacon. It used to be a lovely area to walk, just to ramble around. I remember spending summer holidays here, just walking and talking with friends. I was surprised to find that part of it was closed off. 

I always loved that view. I used to imagine having one of the "posh houses" near my parents' house. I guess life had other ideas!

 I'm glad that we made the effort to go. I still remember saying goodbye. That was so hard. I knew it was the last time to see Mom. I tried not to cry in front of her; it was hard for her as well. But once I got in the taxi, I just bawled. I cried all the way to the airport, 3 hours on the coach! 

These photos are happy/sad photos. I'm happy that Mom got the chance to meet her grandkids, especially Hannah. But sad that this was the only time. I think Mom would be very proud of how my kids have turned out!

I Made Bread

 I love baking!

Some of my earliest memories are of helping Mom make apple pie and a Victoria sponge on Sunday mornings. While the oven was on for the roast, Mom would bake to use up the space in the oven. I remember her saying that it was a waste to heat the oven just for the meat!

When I was in my teens, it became my job to make the apple pie; apparently, my pastry turned out better than my Mom's!

When I had my own kids, I used to bake at least once a week. I found that the snacks and sweets here in Japan were too sweet. Also, the more I read about the obesity problems in the West, the more concerned I became about our health. By making cookies, cakes and occasionally bread, I could control what ingredients went in. One ingredient that is used in commercial snacks is high fructose corn syrup. It's one of the ingredients that the body can't use; it's converted into fat by the liver. Excess amounts of it lead to obesity, fatty liver and diabetes. 

Baking was my go-to thing to do when I got stressed. Measuring, mixing, pouring, waiting and of course eating the end product would relax me. One time, Hisao came home, and I had spent the afternoon baking 4 different kinds of cookies. The first question he asked me was, "Who upset you?" 

I used to bake for my students, for Halloween and Christmas. I stopped a few years ago as it was getting too much for me. But for the few years I did, I enjoyed the challenge.

Recently, however, I haven't taken time to bake. Sometimes I might make a cake or a few cookies, but I haven't really tried anything new. The other day, I came across a YouTube channel of a Japanese lady baking bread and cakes. I watched a few of her videos; she had English subtitles, which helps, and because she's in Japan, the ingredients she uses are easily available.

I decided to try her Garlic Cheese Bread. A simple, no-knead bread!

This is how it started.

Water, yeast, sugar, oil, skim milk powder.

Add the bread flour

Add the flour and mix to make a dough.

Let the dough rest, then stretch it out, let it rest again.

After stretching the dough a second time, it has to prove. This is where I realised that I hadn't watched the video carefully. The proving time was 2 hours. I somehow missed that bit of information when I first watched the video.

It wasn't a big problem. I had taken my computer to the dining area, so while I was waiting for the bread to prove, I messed around on my computer. I also washed dishes and cleaned part of the fridge!

After the dough had doubled, it had to be rolled out.

It worked; the dough doubled in size.

Once it was rolled out, I put a mix of butter, garlic and parsley on it and sprinkled it with shredded cheese, a lot of cheese! Then cut it into strips; each strip is then rolled up and put in a muffin tin.

Before baking.

The dough has to prove again and then be baked.

The finished bread.

They were really nice. The only problem is that the recipe makes just six buns. I'll have to double the recipe next time.

I think I should try some other easy breads. I know that they aren't that good for my diet, but I get so much joy out of making them.  I was actually dancing around the kitchen when I saw the dough had doubled in size. I was so happy that it worked!

May I Ask A Favor?

 I cringe when I hear those words on a YouTube channel; it's usually asking people to subscribe.

But I'm asking here, not to subscribe but to go to my Ko-fi page and leave a small donation!

Cheeky, I know, but we are really struggling at the moment.

David is trying to set up an English school here; he's been posting leaflets and has set up a web page, but no calls at all! 

I know the middle of the countryside isn't the best place to start an English school, but this is where we are. There's a junior high school about 20 minutes' walk from here, so I was hoping to get some students from there, but nothing no calls at all.

I've been trying to get online students, not really my thing, but I'm willing to try. 

I'm trying to keep positive, but it's getting harder and harder.

We are living month to month, there is nothing left over to save. I've been trying to save to do some work on this house. At the moment, it's more cosmetic work that needs to be done, but I noticed this morning an awful smell coming from under the bathroom sink. I opened the cupboard and noticed that the area is very wet, looks like there's a leak somewhere. The water has started to rot the bottom of the cupboard, and maybe the floor underneath! That is more than just changing the sink; I might need to redo the floor as well.

I've watched hours and hours of videos on how to make money, but it all seems so hard! I thought about making colouring books to sell on KDP, but I would have to use AI to generate the pictures and that can run into problems with copyrights and other legal issues that I just don't get. I thought I could get around that by using my own photos of the cats to make pictures to colour. But I would still have problems, maybe.

This is one of the pictures that I made using AI. Cute!

I need to figure out a few other income streams. I think a lot of people are in the same boat. 

Any ideas?

Of Course.....

 I got sick!

Not really sick, just very bad seasonal allergies. Actually, this season it's the first time I've felt really sick because of allergies. I've been eating yoghurt almost every day for the past few months, maybe half a year now, and I've noticed that my allergies aren't that bad. Most years, by this time, I would have been sick for about 10 days, with really heavy sneezing, maybe 3 or 4 hours non-stop sneezing, sinus headaches, sore throat and low-grade fever. This season, however, I've only had two days like that. I'm still taking medicine, but a lot less than usual.

Of course, I got sick just as I started to use my planning book! But I didn't give up on it. I realised that this is my problem. I start something, a new diet, exercise routine, study program, whatever I'm working on, then life happens, and I give up.

Not this time. One of the ideas behind my planning book is to see what I need to do to make my life better. Giving up because things aren't working out how they should defeats the purpose of the book. 

Life is messy. It's full of starts and stops, of nights lying awake, wondering how to pay the bills, of days feeling like you've been hit by a bus. Days when just the thought of exercise makes you cringe, or seeing another salad makes you run for the hills.  At least my life feels like this sometimes, most of the time, maybe!

This is real life. Not some YouTube or Instagram snapshot. It's my life, running on empty most of the time. But I need to find a way to be accountable and consistent in my choices.

Like eating yoghurt every day, I read that eating fermented food can help with gut health, which helps with allergies. I don't really understand the science behind but I figured, why not give it a go? I like yoghurt, plain with no sugar. I add a banana or some other fruit and have it for breakfast. I was consistent with that, and now I can see that my allergies aren't as crippling as in the past. So, being consistent in one small habit is reaping the rewards a few months down the line.

This is the reason behind the planning book: being consistent in areas of my life that, at this moment in time, are important.

A few people have left comments or reached out to me personally. First of all, a big thank you, it's nice to get comments!

Secondly, I realised, after my last post, that it seemed like I was trying to tackle a lot at once. I'm not, I've done that so many times, and it has never lasted more than a few days.

My focus now is on my health, especially eating and moving. I'm not going to diet as in follow a set program. I've done that so many times in the past and never lost any weight or felt better in myself. I'm trying to be mindful of what I eat, making sure I get enough protein every day and plenty of vegetables. But if I have a bad day, I'm not going to beat myself up about it! The same with exercise, today I went shopping, so I'm counting that as part of my exercise for today! I'm not looking for perfection, just consistency!

The other things I wrote, sleep, study and cleaning, I'm not actively trying to do more, just being aware that these are areas of my life that I do need to address!

I've only had the planning book set up for 3 days, so I'll write more on how it's helping once I've used it for a few more days!

The other day, I was shopping when I noticed these bikes parked outside the store.

Bikes outside a store.

The bags in the basket are from the clothes shop, just over the road. This is so Japanese. In the UK, the bikes would have been taken. Here you can leave your shopping in the basket while you shop!

Crime does happen! But not as epidemic as in other countries. It was nice to see this somehow. 

My Planning Book

 Today I managed to go out and pull some weeds in between rain showers.

This is how much I could pull out.

A lot of weeds.

But when I looked at where I was working, it didn't look any different.

Did I make a difference?

I felt this is what my life is like at the moment. 

I'm trying to reset my life, make changes that I need to make, but it all feels futile. I keep working on routines, on doing the things that I need to do to make my life better, but I don't see any progress.

I still haven't lost weight, haven't gained any, which is good, I guess. My eating is all over the place; some days are very good, other days are very bad. 

I ache and feel like I have no strength in my legs. 

I sleep too much during the day and watch TV until late at night.

I haven't picked up a study book in weeks. 

The house and garden are still a mess.

Before I went on my little trip, I bought a planning notebook. Just a simple 100yen book. It's been sitting on my desk, staring at me since then.

Today, after the weeding that had me so frustrated, I decided that I had to set up this book. Start tracking what I'm doing, what I need to do to improve my life.

This is how I've set it up for now.

Just a place to note what I'm doing.

Sleep is the first thing on the list. I struggle so much with staying awake during the day. Sometimes I am really tired or sleepy. At the moment, I'm taking a load of allergy meds, which make me so sleepy. When I'm like that, a little nap helps; otherwise, I get awful headaches. But I know that crawling into bed during the day is just an escape. I don't want to deal with the stress that I have, especially our money situation. It's bad, I know, but I haven't been able to break this awful cycle. I've proved to myself that I can get up and keep going all day, but most days I don't want to. My plan for this week is to get up at 5am (except Tuesday, I don't have to make obento on Tuesdays), make breakfast and obento, then sleep again until about 9 o'clock. On Tuesday, I want to get up at 7am and start my day!

The next two things are water and eating. I'm good at drinking enough water, most days. My eating needs a lot of work. Last year, I managed to stop eating carbs at breakfast and dinner, just a small portion at lunch. I lost a bit of weight doing that. At the moment, I don't eat carbs at breakfast, but dinner is a lot harder. Some days I have a sandwich for dinner, if I could get good bread, it might be alright, but the bread here is very light and not filling at all! Also, I need to stay away from sweets; I've been backsliding on that lately.

Next is cleaning. I've let that slide. I do the dishes; it feels constant, but I know it isn't. Other than that, I haven't kept up with housework. Everywhere is a mess. I always feel that this house is tatty and uncared for; the tiles in the bathroom are broken, there are holes in the walls and doors (not just the cats, but from when we lived here before). I don't like this house; cleaning feels like a waste of time. I have to change this attitude, try to make it nice, somehow! 

 Exercise, I need to do some every day. Either walking, stretching or something. I really don't enjoy exercising; maybe walking is alright, but other than that, it really is a burden. I know that if I don't start and keep it up, then in a few years, I won't have the strength or energy to do anything. I want to have energy as I get older. I don't want to end up being unable to do anything for myself, so I have to start now!

I added going outside to my list. I was going to put gardening, but some days I don't have the energy to do anything but I like to just walk around the garden, see what flowers are blooming, check on the blueberries. I spend so much time in my room, so just getting outside is good for me.

The last thing on my list is to study. Japanese, of course, but also history. I've found that I'm really fascinated by history. I want to try to learn more about Japanese history, especially this area. Also, I realised that I don't know much about English history.

At the bottom of the page, I've left a space to write down the positive things from the day. I need to have a much more positive outlook on life. 

I don't know if I'll keep this planning book like this or change it as I go along. We will see.

If anyone else is doing anything similar, drop me a comment.