My Birthday

 Yesterday was my birthday. Sixty-one (big sigh).  This birthday has been hard to deal with, not the number but how I feel about it.  

The past week or so I've been feeling rather down, just thinking about getting old.  I couldn't figure out why this birthday bothered me so much.  I realized that the problem is not with the number but that what I had hoped my future would be and my reality is so different and there is nothing I can do about it.    

In my 40's I use to imagine that once the kids were grown up Hisao and I would take off on little adventures, we would travel, go on day trips, have time together.  But, of course that is never going to happen.  I also thought my kids would be married and settled, maybe even a grandkid or two,  but that hasn't happened either.

Instead I am left with having to move again.  From a house and area that I have grown to love and feel comfortable in to a house and area that that I don't like.  I know that I'll never feel the other house is home.  I thought that at this age I would be settled, taking things easy, not having to worry about money or where we will live.  But again I have to deal with a lot of things that make my life feel overwhelming.  I don't want to move.  I've tried so hard to be positive about it but all I see is a lot of hard work and no real reward.  

Yesterday David treated us to sushi and donuts.  Nice!

sushi, Fluffy got put out!!

To end this rather depressing post some good news.  David got a promotion at work.  He is now the senior staff member for his shift!!