Jackie's Japan Journal: Six Months

Today is six months since hubby passed away. Six very long, hard months. Looking back I am surprised at how much got done! Dealt with banks, credit card company's, post office accounts and sorting out welfare. Got through Christmas, New Years and two January birthdays. All of that is a bit fuzzy, I think I was in shock. One thing that really helped during that time was a couple of very good friends, one in Japan and one in UK. My friend here came and drove us around, took us to a restaurant for the boys birthday and lent me a shoulder to cry on. My UK friend sent me an email everyday, some days the thought of that email waiting in my inbox is the only thing that got me out of bed. To those two dear friends, I really don't have words to describe how deeply grateful I am to them, they kept me going when all I wanted to do is stop.
As the first shock lifted I realised that there were so many things to be done. Christopher graduated Junior High School and got into High School. Never thought that I could deal with that, Mikey has been a real god send,. He has spent hours filling out forms and dealing with people who don't seem to understand that when a person dies suddenly they don't have time to pass on information such as passwords or PIN numbers. David became my goofer, he shops for me and helps a lot around the house. Last Sunday I came down at 9am, David had cleaned the living room, done the dishes and laundry!
Hannah's birthday in May was hard. Hisao always made a big fuss for her birthday. We celebrate the fact that she is alive, she was born extremely premature and only had a 30% chance of surviving! Every year Hisao would tell us the story of how he changed his mind at the last second and came home instead of his first plan of gaping to the cell phone company to change his phone. If he had then he wouldn't of been back in time to get me to the hospital. Hannah's life is a miracle made up of little things!!
The next thing that had to be done was getting rid of the car. That was harder than I thought it would be. It's only a car but it held so many memories. But if I hold onto everything that hold memories of Hisao I would never be able to let go of anything!

Externally things have progressed. On an emotional level I am not so sure. I am not sitting on the kitchen floor screaming my head off any more but tears are always close by. I just miss hubby so much. I miss his daftness, his smile, his calm wisdom, his love that he showed the kids, his belief in the future. The way he knew how to win me over. One very strong memory I have is a fight we had. This was a few years ago and I really don't remember what we were fighting about. Hisao went out and came back with a "Jackie Pack", DVD, diet coke, chocolate and chips. I was still sulky when he came back but when he handed over the Jackie Pack I cheered up. David was watching this and said in an innocent way "So that is how to win a fight with your wife" And Hisao always won the fights!!!
I have been looking at photos the past few days to see if I can find some that show who he really was. Enjoy!