Mom

This week 8 years ago my Mom passed away.  She had cancer of the oesphagus.  She had been ill for about 3 years, complaining that she couldn't swallow and that almost everything she ate got stuck.  She was diagnosed a few weeks after Hannah was born.  Hannah's birth was traumatic.  She was born after just 26 weeks pregnancy, weighing only 900grams.  I lost it and spent hours on the phone to Mom, I called everyday,  most the time just crying.  My Mom never said how sick she was.  Hannah was born the begining of May, from June my Mom was in and out of hospital for tests, chemo and other operations to help her.  It wasn't until the next February that she told me that she had caancer and about a year to live!
But that was the kind of woman my Mom was.  She knew that I was scared when Hannah was born (I had two miscarriages before Hannah) and knew that I couldn't handle anymore stress.  She wanted me at home,  I'm the only daughter, but she wiouldn't dump her troubles on me. 

My Mom was one crazy woman.  She was always doing things that were daft.  I remember fairy wings and secret chocolate from Santa's elves.  Christmas was her big thing, no matter how tight money was she did Christmas.  She worked at a church as a cleaner when I was very young.  She loved the quiet and peace in there, she wasn't particually religious but she believed in God and the goodness in people. She taught me that the colour of a persons skin was not important but what they are like inside counts.
She also taught me to cook and make messes,  that water fights and snowball fights are fun.  That life can be crappy but somehow the bad times pass and the sun will shine.   She believed in living now because we never know when our time is up.  I remember shopping with her when I visited the UK during the mad cow scare.  Beef was so cheap, nobody wanted to risk getting BSE.  We were in a market, the butcher had this lovely piece of roast which would normally cost at least 20pounds but nobosy wanted to buy it, so he was selling it off for 5pounds.  My Mom snapped it up.  The woman next to her said "Don't you know you could get sick and die from eating that"   My Moms answer "Lady I could walk out of here and get hit by a bus an die,  if you don't want to risk getting hurt stay in bed"   She felt that life was risky, it is, but if we hide we don't live.  The last few years of her life were full of adventures.  She stared swimming lessons, did car boot sales, and went to the theater, she made new friends and deepened the friendships  she had.  She beat breast cancer and leg problems, she didn't give into  fear when she was mugged just round the corner from her home. 
She was the best Mom for me, she drove me crazy and we had all sort of fights but all I had to say was "Mom" and she would hug me and all was forgotten.  There are many questions I wished I had asked.  When I was 4 years old my younger brother was born, a couple of months later my Granddad (Mom's dad) came to stay.  He was very ill, basically an invalid, he couldn't move by himself so Mom had to do everything for him.  But my memory is confused, and it is driving me crazy.  I remember the sofa being in a place across the room, not where it usually was on the back wall.  I'm wondering if it got moved just for Granddad.  Silly little thing but it drives me crazy.

Most of the photos I have of Mom are print and I have no idea how to get them into the computer.
Here are some from the last visit, a year before she passed on



Feeding Hannah, Mom loved her grandkids

I was asked to choose one of the songs for her funeral.  My Dad chose 'Some enchanted evening', the song he sang to her when they were courtiing.

My chocie was one of Mom's favourite songs, 

Now I have to go as I'm crying.