And then Christopher

Of course this stomach bug is working it's way round the family.
Last night, 3am, Christopher woke me up.  Poor boy had thrown up on the way to the bathroom.  He was in tears because he couldn't figure out how to clean up and had to wake me!!  So I cleaned up, took his temperature, 38.5C and got him settled on the sofa.  this is really not a good start to the summer holidays.
One thing that I realized is that I live in fear a lot!
Before hubby died when the kids got sick I would worry.  That is only natural, seeing your kids miserable because of some bug, not being able to anything about it, wondering what is going on, how long they will be sick. That is normal.  What I am going through is not.  I go into panic mode, when David got sick I moved his matress into my room, his room doesn't have air conditioner.  He slept on the floor next to my bed, everytime his breathing pattern changed I would check on him!  The same with Hannah and Christopher.  I was so afraid.  I am so afraid all the time.  Every month I worry about paying the bills and the rent.  I'm afraid of messing the kids lives up.  I'm afraid of growing old alone, of not being able to take of myself and having to rely on the kids for everything.  The list of my fears is endless!  Not a good place to be!

Hannah's Turn

David recovered from whatever it was that made him sick.
Last night it was Hannah's turn.  Her temperature was up to 38.5 at one point.  She couldn't keep anything down at all, even sips of water she had to take away the bad taste in her mouth.
Also it's easier to take care downstairs, nearer to the bathroom.  So I dozed sitting up on the sofa.  Needless to say I feel awful this morning as well, I ache all over and am exhausted.  Every time I dozed off Hannah would ask for the bowl! 
I am getting worried about Monday.  We have a one day event planned for 1at to 4th grade kids.  An English adventure day.  I really hope Hannah is better by then and that neither Mikey or I get sick!

Summer Holidays, Summer Sickness

The kids started the holidays on the 18th here, almost one week.  Christopher and Hannah have spent most of that time doing homework.  Most of it  is a waste of time, writing out 160 English words for Christopher, 20 pages of kanji drill for Hannah.  Plus a workbook to do, the teachers don't even mark these, the kids mark it themselves.  I can undertand not wanting the kids to back slide during the holidays but most of the homework is mind numbing.  Also I know that a lot of time the parents end up doing a lot of the work, kind of defeats the purpose. 
At junior high school and high school level kids have to attend club activities almost everyday.  So where is the holiday?  Christopher went 3 times this week and has a full day of regular school next week!  Hannah has four days that she has to attend school.  I really don't understand this system.   All I can think of is it's training for work. Japanese almost never take a holiday, most companies give the national holidays because they have to but other than that there are no holidays.  I've had students who go abroad for 3 days because that is all the holiday they can get! 

I really want to do things with the younger kids but I have no energy at all.  I have headaches and feel sick all the time.  I just want to watch daft TV or sleep.  Poor David got really sick yesterday.  He couldn't keep anything down and had a fever of 38.6C at one point.  Mikey took him to the doctors, he had some virus and heat stroke.  I am so glad that Mikey can drive and is willing to help out like that.  Our doctor is less than 5 minuetes walk from here but the state David was in he wouldn't be able to make it!  He is much better now, up to his usual tricks and jokes!  Just some 24 hour bug but not nice when it is so hot!

I treated myself to a new blender.  I burnt the motor out of my old one, about 4 years ago.  I've been thinking of getting one since then but always put it off.  The other day I was cleaning out some more of my husband's stuff and I found some gift certificates from the local electrical shop.  I had 4000yen in certificates and the blender was 4500yen.  So I am very happy!

my new blender and miller

 

These are some photos of the kids up to their daftness!

Typhoon

The past few days I have been watching the news and weather reports, there was a massive typhoon creeping our way.  I like to be prepared, especially our garden is a mess with lots of pots, broken sticks and other things that could become missiles if the winds get too strong.  Spent two or three days cleaning outside, rather David cleaned. I directed!  Bought extra food and filled water bottles. made sure that all the flashlights worked, all prepared.  And no typhoon, bit of rain, nice breeze but nothing!  The kids got a day off school, so they are happy to stay home and just hang out.  Some places got hit really bad, and to make things worse the seasonal rain front is hanging over prefectures to the north.  In one place a stream flooded, bringing down trees, rocks and mud.  Houses were destroyed, and there have been fatalities, one was a young boy, just 12 years old. that hit me hard!
I'm grateful that this storm has passed us by.  It really is worrying!  I always say that typhoons are easier to deal with because there are warnings.  But no matter how prepared one is the destructive force of nature is not something to be taken lightly.
Of course the heat and humidity have started.  It makes it very difficult for me to function.  I get exhausted just doing a few things around the house.  But I want to challenge myself this summer and do more.  Summers a rather long here, from the end of June until the end of October, 4 months.  I feel like a loose a lot of time in those months, just no energy or desire to move from the air conditioning.  But I realise how precious each second of our lives are, I don't want to waste time.  I want to do things, be productive, spend time with the kids.   Enjoy the time I have now, not wait for the perfect time to do things, that will never come!

June was.......

......a very emotionally exhausting month for me!
The beginning was hubby's birthday.  18th marked exactly 18 months since he passed away.  The end of the month was 10 years since Mom died.  Not an easy month at all!
I'm glad that it has finished.  I am hoping things will get a bit easier emotionally.  There are always problems, things that to be done, never ending chores,  kids and the dog to take care of, that is enough for me.  I want to find a calmer place, I want to find joy.  I want to live the life that Hisao would want me to.  Not sleeping or escaping because I can't deal with things!
This summer I am going to challenge myself to do more.  Summers here are hard but I want to go places with the kids, do things together while we can.  When Hisao was alive we put off going places and doing things.  It was always later, next year!  He never got the later or next year so I am going to try and do things now.  Life gives you no guarantees, it only gives you now.  So I am going to do my best NOW!
The other day when I was really down, missing Hisao, missing Mom I found an old letter that Hisao sent me. At  the end of the letter he wrote "You don't have time to be depressed, work hard, study hard"  I felt this was his message to me.

One thing I want to do is get Christopher's and Hannah's English better.  They are okay but I hope over the summer to spend time reading with them more.  They read a lot in Japanese but not so much in English. 

On the weight lose front I did okay in June.  Somehow I lost 2kgs, not the five I was aiming for but considering my eating was bad most days it is a real miracle.  Try again this month!

Ten Years

Today is ten years since my Mom passed away.
I'm really having a hard time with that!  How can it be ten years?  Feels like just yesterday that my Dad called and told me.  Mom had cancer and knew she didn't have long.  When the doctor finally found what was wrong she was given 2 years to live. She lived exactly 2 years!
I've missed my Mom the most these past 18 months.  She was the one who could have helped me, comforted me after Hisao passed away.  She would of known what to say to keep me going. 

My Mom could be a real nut case. I remember one Christmas the ladies that we worked with went out for a Christmas dinner.   Afterward we were waiting for the taxi to come I decided  to start a snowball fight.  I thought that I could get away from Mom but she could run!  She didn't throw snow at me but dumped a load down my back!  Then thought it very funny as I stood screaming!
She loved my kids so much.  She would look forward to our visits.  The week before we arrived I would get a phone call almost everyday asking if the kids would like this, that or the other.  The one Christmas that we visited she took Mikey shopping.  He came back with a load of goodies!  Mom knew how to spoil her grandkids!

Takeo Library

Last Sunday we decided to have a little adventure.  We got on the train and went to Takeo Library.  This library was featured on the TV a few months back and has become rather famous!  What makes this library special is the fact that it  has a Starbucks cafe inside and  another book store.  So you can borrow books, have a coffee or buy books!  Also you can join regardless of where you live in Japan and they have a system to have books sent back by one of the parcel carriers.
So Sunday morning we set off nice and early.  Got on the local train, which  was took us a station where we had to change trains!  That was an adventure in itself.  The next local train was an hours wait, in the rain! So we decided to pay a bit extra and get on the express train, the took only 10 minutes!
From the station to the library was good 15 minutes walk. I don't mind walking but Mikey walks too fast!  He was marching off in front of us, but he was the only one who knew where we were going.  I kept asking him to slow down but he just rolled his eyes at me!
The library wasn't as large as we thought it was but it did have a good selection of books.  The biggest problem for me was the heat.  It was just too hot for me, either the air conditioner was set high or turned off.  The place was packed which didn't help!  We spent a couple of hours there then went over the road to the mall for some lunch and look round.
We had to get the express train back, we would had to wait oveer an hour for the local train.
Everybody had a good time and it was nice to get out of the house for a day!

I took a few photos but I think my camera has had it. the recent photos are all blury.

One of the stations we stopped at

Outside of the library

The library sign
 

Friday and Monday I had to take Hannah to the eye hospital.  She has an infection in her eye. It's not a big problem but looks awful.  We got eye drops that have to put in four times a day.  Today it looks a lot better.