Of course this stomach bug is working it's way round the family.
Last night, 3am, Christopher woke me up. Poor boy had thrown up on the way to the bathroom. He was in tears because he couldn't figure out how to clean up and had to wake me!! So I cleaned up, took his temperature, 38.5C and got him settled on the sofa. this is really not a good start to the summer holidays.
One thing that I realized is that I live in fear a lot!
Before hubby died when the kids got sick I would worry. That is only natural, seeing your kids miserable because of some bug, not being able to anything about it, wondering what is going on, how long they will be sick. That is normal. What I am going through is not. I go into panic mode, when David got sick I moved his matress into my room, his room doesn't have air conditioner. He slept on the floor next to my bed, everytime his breathing pattern changed I would check on him! The same with Hannah and Christopher. I was so afraid. I am so afraid all the time. Every month I worry about paying the bills and the rent. I'm afraid of messing the kids lives up. I'm afraid of growing old alone, of not being able to take of myself and having to rely on the kids for everything. The list of my fears is endless! Not a good place to be!
Jackie, a lot of people go through what you are going through. That's probably not the most comforting thought, but maybe it helps to know that it's "normal" to feel what your feeling. Like you said, you've always worried about your children when they've been ill (when my kids were small, I would catch myself unconsciously listening to their breathing too). And now, since your husband passed away, you worry more than ever, because you're afraid of losing your children as well. That's not how it works, they are not more likely to die now than they were before (it just feels that way sometimes). My wife and I have been reading your blog for about a year now, and you and your children are in our prayers. The bills and rent will get paid, it will all work out, it's going to get better.
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