An Apology And An Explanation

 One problem with the written word is that sometimes what I want to express and what comes across is different!

Yesterday, I mentioned a YouTuber who had 12 books on her TBR list. I stated that it made me laugh, I wasn't laughing at her, I was laughing at the ridiculous situation I'm in with thousands of books that I haven't read! In today's world, where most young people spend hours doomscrolling, seeing a young lady excited about her TBR list is really refreshing! 

One person commented that having 12 books to read is a challenge if one's life is busy and you have responsibilities. I agree with that. The young lady I saw was maybe in her 20s or early 30s. I'm guessing she works, and outside of that, she might have household chores to take care of, maybe social or family commitments to see to. I don't know this young lady. I just saw her video, and it reminded me of all the books I have to read! And as I stated above, seeing a young person who is passionate about reading is refreshing for me.

A friend of mine contacted me privately and told me off, in a nice way. She asked why I was buying so many books and planning trips when, in the same breath, I'm complaining about not having any money. 

First, the books. Most of the books on my bookshelves are from when we would visit the UK. This was when the kids were little. We tried to go back every other year; sometimes it would be 3 or 4 years between trips. After my Mom died, we didn't go back for 13 years. 

When we were in the UK, I would shop a lot. Clothes for me, some I still have! Toys, games and books for the kids, things that we couldn't get in Japan. My Mom loved Car Boot Sales, the one year we went to one, and I got enough T-shirts for the boys to last 2 or 3 years!

Of course, I would go to all the bookstores I could find, I loved finding recyle bookstores. This was back in the 1990s and early 2000s, before Amazon made shopping for international goods so easy!

One year we went to Hay-On-Wye! I bought so many books! When we got home Mom asked how I was going to get them back to Japan! I had enjoyed the cheap recycle bookstores that I hadn't thought about getting the books back to Japan. My Mom was sending packages every month for over a year! 

I remember trying to read the books when I got them but my schedule was so crazy back then, most days I would be on the go from at 5:30 until I finished teaching at 9 or 10 o'clock at night. I would pick up a book at night, read a page and be asleep. So the books got put aside for later!

The books on my Kindle are free downloads. There are a lot of sites that link to free books on Amazon. Some days there are a lot of books that interest me, other days none at all! Out of the 7000 books I have on my Kindle, I think I've only paid for about a dozen or so! The only books I pay for are the ones I save on Everand, then I'm paying for the app, not the books!

The reason I want to travel is that with every year I see more years behind me than ahead! I'll be 64 this summer. Not really old but definitely not young. I feel that all the things I want to do, the places I want to see, the experiences I want to have, I should be making plans now. 

A lot of this has to do with Hisao dying so young; he was only 51 when he passed away. There were places he wanted to go in Japan. He always dreamed of visiting Shikoku, one place he never got to visit. I would like to go there for him.

Another thing he wanted to do was to get back into art. When he was in high school, he joined the art club. He loved to draw and paint. One year, one of his paintings was displayed in the local art museum. 

Young Hisao with his painting

He talked about building a little artist hut on the land we own in the mountains, a place he could go to when he wanted to paint. This was something he wanted to do when the kids had grown up. He never got to do that. To this day, the idea that he couldn't fulfil one small dream makes me sad!

To that end, I've decided that I want to visit places, I want to have experiences with my kids, with friends and really live my life to the fullest now!

We have no guarantee of tomorrow. I know we have no money, but I can still dream and plan. I can try to get new students to make money. I can budget, save to improve this house and save for fun things as well.

I'm sorry if my comment on laughing about the young lady with 12 books on her TBR list upset anybody; that wasn't my intent!

As I write this, I wonder if anyone else has a bucket list? 

Places to visit, things to experience, things to learn about. Drop a comment and let me know!