Sad

 Because of food!

I love food, not just eating, but baking and cooking. 

I love to find new recipes, I love experimenting with ingredients just to see how flavours and textures go together.

I can spend hours in the kitchen trying out new things. 

Baking used to be my go-to thing to do when stress got too much.

Of course, I love to eat. I understand that food is fuel for my body, but I also like that food can be a source of fun, that we can celebrate the good things in life with lovely and sometimes special food.

The reason I feel sad about food is that as I get older, there are certain foods that no longer suit me.

In my 40s, I had to stop drinking coffee.  I used to drink two or three cups a day, but I found that after drinking it, I would get stomachache. I cut down to one cup a day, but that didn't really help. I stopped drinking it altogether. I still have tea, which I love, so it wasn't that hard to give up. I now drink a cup of coffee every few months. When I do have a cup, I really enjoy it and savour every mouthful.

Then, a few years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes. That meant a complete change in my eating habits. I could no longer casually eat what I wanted, when I wanted. I had to think about every mouthful, will this spike my blood sugar, will this keep me full longer than something else? Am I feeling dizzy because I haven't eaten for a while, or is it something else?  Eating should never be that stressful!

Having diabetes has meant giving up a lot of foods that I love. I know it's my own fault for not taking care of what I ate when I was younger, and I have no one else to blame but myself, but it is still hard. 

Giving up sweet treats was hard at the beginning. I remember going to a cafe with Hannah, she ordered this lovely cake and some tea, but I just had a cup of tea! I felt miserable! Now I allow myself the occasional sweet treat, maybe once a month, sometimes not even that! I prefer to bake something if I want cakes or cookies, that way I can control how much sugar is in them, and I use sugar, not corn syrup, which is very bad for the body!

The hardest thing to give up was bread! I love bread, any kind of bread. A piece of toast is comfort food for me! Now I try not to eat bread in the mornings. No toast with my breakfast! Also, most evenings I don't have any carbs such as bread, rice, pasta or potatoes! That is hard!

The reason I'm feeling really sad today about food is that there is another group of foods that I might have to give up or at least limit, that's fired foods.

I've never been a big fan of fried foods. I don't like the feeling of grease in my mouth, but sometimes fried foods just hit the spot.

This past week, I made karaage, Japanese fried chicken, one day, the next day I made hamburgers and chips! Later that day, I felt so ill, nauseated, and my stomach felt rather heavy! I realised that my system just wasn't handling all the grease!

It looks like fried foods will have to go the way of sugar and carbs, very little and not very often!

That is sad. When I was in my 20s, I went on a very restrictive diet because I thought I was so fat. I was less than 60kgs then, about 9 stones (130lbs), but I thought I was so overweight! I lived on juice and soups, plus some fruit. Not healthy at all. I did lose weight, but made myself really ill in the process. Once I started eating normally again, I gained all the weight back, plus some. I told myself I would never restrict my food again, that I would enjoy food and try to exercise more to strike a balance. Now I wish I had that choice!

So I'm feeling a bit sad at how I have to restrict my diet. But there are still a lot of good foods out there! I'm adding a lot more vegetables to my diet. Most days I make a big pot of vegetable soup, a lot of salads and just steamed veggies. Fruit is a luxury here, as it is so expensive, but I try to have some on hand for when I feel the need for something sweet!

I will get over this, no choice. My body knows that these foods aren't healthy for me and aren't really helping me. I just need to accept this and move on!

Has anybody else had to give up a favourite food?

breakfast the other day

I rolled out some bread until it was thin, put some cheese on it, rolled it up, dipped it in egg and wrapped bacon around it. Baked in the oven for about 25 minutes. Nice breakfast! A bit of salad, fried up the leftover potatoes and a couple of sausages. Simple but filling breakfast!