I hate nights

During the day I can cope with my grief.  I am busy, cleaning, cooking, teaching, more cleaning, more cooking!  Sometimes grief sneaks up on me and catches me unawares but after shedding few tears or deep sigh escapes me I just move on with the thing to be done.  Not easy but I manage.

But the nights are awful.  I have suffered form insomnia most of my life but never as bad as this.  Add to the fact that I am a very light sleeper doesn't help at all.  This was one thing about my hubby that really amazed me, he could sleep through anything!  Crying babies, typhoons, thunderstorms and even a small earthquake, nothing woke my hubby.  Me, on the other hand, a dog barks two blocks away wakes me, starts to rain, I wake up, one of the kids gets out of bed to use the toilet, I'm awake.  Before I would just turn over and go back to sleep.  When insomnia hit before I had certain things that would help.  Sleepytime tea, warm milk, nice warm bath, relaxing music and when things got bad, allergy medicine.  Now nothing helps.  Last night I went to be at 10pm, cried until midnight, got up at 1am to use the toilet, watched TV, drank some herbal tea. Went back to bed at 2:30 and fell asleep at 4am but woke up 5:30 and decided to get up.  I am so tired and it makes me  really miserable.  I get plenty of exercise and I'm physically active during the day.  Nobody here can drive so I do a lot of walking everyday.  I thought that would help but it doesn't.  I am seriously thinking of going to the doctors and getting some sleeping tablets.  I don't like to but maybe no choice.  I'll give myself a few more days, then see if I need help or not!