Pages

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year 2015

I can't believe that it is already 2015, where does time go?
Last year was a lot harder than I thought it would be!  All the books on grief I had read and peoples experience said that the second year after the death of a loved one was the hardest!  I thought the first year was hard but everybody was right, the second year really sucks!  Most of the first year I was in fog of shock, nothing was real!  I would wake up and hope that it was all a bad dream and Hisao would be downstairs waiting for me!  As the second year wore on I realised that this is my life, that things weren't going to change unless I made the change.  AND I DIDN'T WANT TO!!!!
I wanted to go back to what I thought of as my "real" life, the normal daily round of chores and work with Hisao!  The first half of 2014 I thought I was okay but as the heat and humidity of summer started I realised that I was actually very depressed.  Being physically unwell during the summer really pushed me down. I didn't want to do anything, even the daily chores seemed liked a burden that I couldn't face.  I thought about going to the doctors but decided that being drugged up wouldn't help at all!  I looked around for some inspiration to help me move forward out of my depression, and I found it in my children.  I made myself slow down and watch the kids and what I found was they have inherited different aspects of Hisao!   David shows me the patience that Hisao had when dealing with the electronics in the house.  David set up another computer (the one I usually use is really old and makes a lot of noise).  David found out how to connect all the computers we have to the internet, he also took out the old DVD player and video machine and set the TV up again!  In Hannah I see Hisao's artistic side, he loved to paint and draw.  Hannah spends ages drawing.  She has decided to join the art club next year in junior high school!  With Christopher I see Hisao's love of math.  Christopher has no help with is high school math but he is able to deal with it and always gets good points on his tests!  And in Mikey I see Hisao's ability to put his best side forward. Even when Hisao was sick he would always be cheerful infront of the students, he would never bring people down by being miserable around them!  Mikey is the same.  I have seen Mikey looking really tired and rather down but when he goes to teach it is like he flips a switch and is cheerful and full of energy!  This realisation dawned on me slowly and I found that I am really grateful for my kids.  They give me a reason to go on and a reason to change, to be a better person so I can be a better Mom!


So 2014 was a learning time for me, a lot of internal learning!  2014 was also a time when I realised that without Japanese I can't be independent.  So I guess one thing I have to do is get down to some serious study this year!  Oh Help!


2015 will bring a few changes.  Hannah will graduate elementary school and start junior high school. Christopher has to decide on which university he wants to go to.  David is hoping to get a part time job and Mikey wants to study for some qualifications for teaching English!


So Happy New Year to everybody.  Let's hope that it's good!

No comments:

Post a Comment