Looking Back on 2013

This has been one long hard year.  I hope never to repeat it again!  The first few months I was in a fog, in total shock.  I kept thinking that I would wake up and find that it was all some awful nightmare!  But of course it isn't!  I think that the brain protects itself by putting you a daze to get through the worst times. The problems start when the fog lifts and the realisation hits that things aren't going to get better and only time (lots of time) can help!  I remember one day in the summer thinking that I felt so much better, then breaking down crying and sobbing for over an hour.  That is grief, it is raw and unrelenting.  I miss my husband every second of everyday, I think about him all the time, the kids talk about him a lot.  Not a day goes by when at least one conversation starts with "Do you remember when Dad..........". 
But we keep on going, some days I had to take things one hour at a time.  I would tell myself you get through this hour, just get to lunch time.  Some days only the very basics would get done, laundry, food cooked, and lessons taught! And I was okay with that! 
In March Christopher finished junior high school and got into high school.  In Japan there are ceremonies to celebrate these times. I felt so strange not having Hisao there with me. I fixed a smile to my face and went through the motions.
May was Hannah's birthday, that was hard because of the circumstance of her birth (she was premature, just 900 grams at birth) her birthday was really celebrated as a miracle!  The fact that she not only survived when the doctors gave her only a 30% chance but she doesn't have any problems is a real miracle.  Hisao made a fuss of all the birthdays but Hannah's was special.  I missed Hisao a lot on that day as well.
Summer was it's usual hell, the heat and humidity here are really hard for me.  Mikey went to driving school for two weeks and got his licence.  We got a car in October and despite few near missed his driving is getting very good!

Bad day, me doing computer games and watching TV

Sports Day at Hannah's school

Halloween

Going to school camp for three days

I know at lot happened this year, but it really was a year of just getting through.  I hope that 2014 will be better!