Thirteen Years

 Today is thirteen years since Hisao passed away.

It's hard to believe that much time has passed!

I was sorting through some photos to use, and just looking at them brought back so many memories. The hopes and the fears I had about our future.  One thing I never thought was that I would be widowed so young!  I thought we would grow old together, watching our kids grow up, and have their own families!

Here are a few photos.

With Mikey

I can't remember where this was taken!

This was from one of our first visits to England.

With Dad and Mikey

This is at Mount Kora, the place I went with David last week.

A couple of weeks ago, I came across a YouTube channel by another widow. She's Japanese, in her fifties, with children. In one video, she was talking about making decisions. How even the most simple of decisions are harder to make. This is so true! When Hisao passed away, I hated making any decisions at all!  Even the most basic things, like organising my schedule for the day, when to go shopping or what to make for dinner, felt so overwhelming!  Bigger decisions like helping the kids decide what high school or university to attend left me paralysed with fear! 

Over the years, I've learnt to cope with the small day-to-day things! I think the first year or so was the hardest. Larger decisions are still hard, but now that my kids are adults, I can ask them for advice.  As a mother, I don't want to burden them, but they have access to more information than I do; even using translation apps doesn't always help.

Being widowed is hard. But life goes on!

I have a lot to do this week. I'm trying to do a deep clean before it gets too cold.

I'm also battling a cold, an early Christmas gift from! Mikey!