Challenged

 After writing about being grateful, I decided that until the end of the year, 25 days, I would find three things every day to be grateful for, to celebrate or find joy in. I think that being grateful is a habit that I need to nurture and help grow. I've really got to get away from what I call "poor me syndrome". 

Today was the first day, and of course, I got challenged.

The challenges started last night with the cats!

Don't get me wrong, I love my cats, they are entertaining and make me smile a lot, but they are also very demanding, usually at the wrong time!

Last night, one of the ginger cats, Sam, decided that the only place he would sleep was on my bed! I wouldn't mind if he slept next to me, but he insists on sleeping on my legs; that extra weight on my knee isn't good.  I started to moan to myself, my thoughts were along the line of "why can't you sleep next to me, just move already". I stopped and asked what was so bad about this. He doesn't do it every night, just move him over a bit, then get comfortable. I did that, and had a very good sleep. If I wasn't being mindful of not complaining, I know I would have lain there for hours complaining to myself, keeping myself awake.

Sam is being cute this morning.

This is what greeted me this morning, Sam being cute and really purring! I enjoyed a few minutes of play with him before going to make breakfast!

The next challenge was also from the cats, this time, Frodo. He started doing the 2 am wake-up call. He cried the cry of starving animals outside my door for an hour! Again, I started to complain to myself. I didn't want to get out of bed, in the freezing cold house, to feed the cats! I managed to shut down that thinking as well. It took just a few minutes to feed them, then get back in bed! Thinking about it was worse than actually doing it!

The biggest challenge, however, was when I was making an obento and breakfast this morning. My stove top only has 3 burners. One I'm using to cook rice, I still don't have a rice cooker, the other two I use to cook the different dishes for obento and breakfast. To speed things up, I use the microwave to steam broccoli or other vegetables. This morning, it stopped working. The problem is the sensor plate. We've had this problem before, so I knew what to do, but nothing worked.  

I managed to get everything ready, a bit late, but nobody was late leaving for work, so it was alright.

This, however, was not so easy to not complain about. We are broke. David and Christopher are paying for most things; the money Mikey and I make covers a few bills but not much. We need money to invest in this house, to make it livable, but every time I get a bit of money to save, something happens and that money is gone.  I think I'm tired of never getting ahead. Of always living paycheck to paycheck. I've done that most of my life, I really wanted things to be different now, to have money that I can save so the house can be restored, have money to buy clothes for myself or to travel a bit. I really don't like that David pays for almost everything and doesn't have a chance to save for his future. Christopher will be the same. This is where being grateful is hard. I don't care about the microwave not working or not having a rice cooker, but I hate that my kids have no money left because I can't make money, or all the money we have is put into this house and land! My kids don't complain; they say "No choice," but I wish we had a choice. 

At least I didn't complain to David when he came home from work; I just stated that the microwave wasn't working and left it at that. 

But my in my mind, I feel so angry and sad that again we have to face such a thing. I just want to get a break. Get some new students without more leaving, find another way to make money or get someone to buy some of the land that we aren't using!

The more I think about it, I realise that the microwave not working isn't the problem, it's nice and convenient, but not necessary. What made me so upset was seeing David trying to figure out how to buy one. He already pays most of the bills, he needs to save to get his car fixed, but all his money goes on the house, food or the cats!  

I think being grateful, changing my thinking is going to be a lot harder than I thought!