Gratitude

 This is something that has been on my mind for a while.

It's so easy to say"I'm grateful for ..........." But how to feel it and live it.

I'm willing to admit that many times I'm not grateful, and I fall into a victim mentality, finding fault and complaining far too much. It's easy to be grateful when things are going my way, I want to learn how to do that when life gives me a lemon!

In Stephen Covey's book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he uses the funeral exercise. He asks what do you want people to say at your funeral, then create a life to that end.  When I read this, I was in my 30s. My death, the death of those close to me, felt far away.

Now in my 60s, having people close to me die, my husband, Mom, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law, this idea, what kind of legacy do I want to leave behind, seems a lot more important!

Two of these funerals show what kind of people they were in life. My Mom's funeral was packed. My Mom had her faults, but she was loved by a lot of people, her family, friends and people who shopped where she worked part-time. She would always have time to talk and have a cup of tea; she tried not to gossip. At the shop, she remembered which lady's grandchild had a birthday and helped to choose a card. At Christmas, she would make mince pies and buy a bottle of sherry to share with the regular customers. She explained to the owner that this helps to make the customers feel special. On the day of the funeral, the owner closed the shop, something he had never done before. My Mom asked that people donate to a local hospice instead of buying flowers. The owner set up a box for donations, the collection was over £1000.

My grandmother-in-law's funeral was attended by 3 people, and her family. Even the extended family didn't bother to come.  I only knew my grandmother-in-law when she was already old. I assumed that her complaints and manipulative ways were signs of dementia, but my husband said that she always manipulated people for her own benefit. She was widowed when my mother-in-law was in high school. She went to the school and removed my mother-in-law from the school, telling her to work the land. There was no discussion. Grandmother wanted money from the crops that were being grown, so her daughter had to give up her own life to do that. She would give large sums of money to one cousin but not speak to the brother of that cousin. She caused conflict in the family, even the neighbours tried not to have anything to do with her. She was miserable and made sure that everyone around her was miserable.

Two funerals, two lives lived very differently. My Mom had her faults, but because she was caring, those faults were overlooked. My grandmother-in-law was selfish and spiteful. One had a funeral that overflowed with tears and love, the other had one where people attended because they had to represent the neighbourhood association.

I know which one I want!

So how do I become someone whose life and legacy are honoured at her funeral?

Being grateful is, for me, part of living a life well. Again, it's easy to be grateful when things are alright. How to feel that when things aren't going as I think they should. In other words, how to be grateful now. How to be grateful when all I see are constant struggles?  

I'm trying not to complain to my kids too much, but sometimes it's so easy to just moan. The house is cold, it's dark, it's badly designed. These are my constant complaints, but I should try to find a way to change these things. It's cold, get more heaters; it's dark, maybe paint the walls a brighter colour, do something about the dark colour of the kitchen cabinets. The design can't be changed until we have more money, but I could start to look at ideas to make it better.

I am grateful for this house. I don't think we could have rented another place with the cats. 

I'm grateful for my kids; they put up with a lot. Even though I've lived in Japan for 34 years, I still struggle with the language, my kids are willing to step up and help out, especially if it involves phone calls, banking, city hall or hospital visits!

I'm grateful to live in Japan. Even though I struggle with the language, with some of the culture and traditions, I feel at home here. I'm glad that Hannah can have her own apartment. I'm not sure if I would be happy to let her live by herself in England.  Even here, we message and talk a few times a day, especially with her having epilepsy. Once she has gotten used to it and understands her triggers, maybe I can relax more. 

This has gotten rather long and heavy. Thank you for reading! I'm grateful for all the people who read this blog. Leave a comment about your experience of being grateful.

Some lovely photos of the mall in the other city and all the Christmas lights!

Lovely tree

Christmas lights in the park next to the mall

Ukiha Inari Shine

 This shrine is located about 30 minutes from where we live.

Even though it's close, I haven't had the chance to visit before today! I can't drive, so I have to wait until either Mikey or David is free! 

This afternoon was lovely weather, Mikey had a free afternoon, so we made the trip to the shrine!

This shrine was built in 1957. It enshrines three deities and is known for its blessings of prosperity in business, good harvest, sake production, and health, longevity and academics. It's located on the top of a mountain and has a series of red torii gates leading to the shrine.

The drive up the mountain was breathtaking! Not only the view, but also how steep the road was in some places and the hairpin curves.

I took a little video.

Not very good because I was holding onto the handle above the door!

I'm glad we could drive to the top. I couldn't have managed all the steps from the main road. I saw some people climb up the steps, but they were young and looked like they had the energy to climb!

The sign at the car park

Mikey said that the name of the park, "Johgahana," doesn't make sense.  The first kanji means castle, but the third character means nose, so Castle Nose?

Another short video of the torii gates and the view.

The torii gates were donated by different companies or people. The names are inscribed on the gate.

I'm sure if this is a name or a date.

I took some photos of the gates and the view.

Where the gates go down to a road

Facing the gates.

After that, we walked through the main gate toward the shrine itself.

The main gate.

We came to another set of steps. With these guarding the way.

Each one is holding something different in its mouth.

I just realised I didn't get a photo of the shrine. There were too many people when we went past the first time, and I forgot when we went back. Good excuse to go again!

I did get a photo of this mini shrine. 

Next to the main shrine

The animals are all foxes. Inari has the meaning of fox. It comes from Japanese mythology.

We wandered away from the main shrine, following the path to another set of gates. I didn't bother trying to go down those steps; there was no railing to hold onto, and the steps looked uneven.

We came across the lights that are set up at intervals; the shape looks like cut bamboo.

Interesting design for the lights.

We even managed to see some of the beautiful autumn leaves. This year, the change has been very late here. It actually feels as if there is no autumn any more. 

Beautiful leaves

It was starting to get cool, the sun was setting, so we went back to the parking lot.

Mikey took a couple more photos of the gates.

As we went back to the car, I noticed a vending machine. Is it only in Japan that they put these machines on the top of mountains?

How do they get these up the mountain?

As we drove back, we went past the entrance at the base of the mountain. 

Looks like a long walk.

I had a really good time!

One thing that I'd like to point out is that I climbed some of the steps. Usually, I don't even try to go up steps if I don't have to. Especially these were uneven, going up is alright, but coming down is hard on my knee. Actually, going up is hard because of my weight and lack of stamina. But I managed it, was it easy, not really. I was out of breath when I got to the top, and my heart was racing, but I recovered quickly.  I know a few months ago I wouldn't have even tried, so I can tell that losing a few kilos has helped a lot! That gives me inspiration to keep on.

On A Roll

 I was so inspired by how quickly it was to clean my cupboard that I decided to tackle the kitchen cabinet.

This is the before photo.

I had no idea what was in there.

Also, I wanted to move this box as it was full of dishes that belonged to my mother-in-law. I didn't mind it being up there; it stopped the cats from jumping on the fridge, but the box was breaking, and I was worried that if we had an earthquake, the whole lot might fall down!

Box of dishes on the fridge

I asked Christopher to get the box down; there was no way I could have lifted it!

I was surprised at the contents. Some rather nice plates, especially the blue ones.

Nice plated

I've put them in the storage place. We break a lot of dishes, so I'll keep these just in case! I already use a couple of the blue ones for putting cookies or muffins on when I bake!

I got a good, strong box and newspaper to wrap the plates, that's when the cats decided to help!

I don't know why the newspaper was so interesting!

I ended up throwing out a lot of food, opened packages that hadn't been finished, things that were past the sell-by date by years went into the trash!

It took a lot longer to do than I thought it would, over an hour, but I'm glad I tackled it!

This is the after photo!

Looks a lot better, except the floor!

I'm now wondering what to tackle next!

David bought a vacuum cleaner, which is really going to help with the dust problem!

I have decided that even though I don't love this house, and probably never will, this is where we are, and I have to make it as nice as possible!

It's going to take a lot of work, but I think the energy I use to clean and do up this place will be less than the energy I use to complain!

So if I write a post just complaining, drop a comment to remind me of what I said here!!!

I Organized My Cupboard

 I thought the mess in my cupbaord was because of too much stuff that I should get rid of! But once I pulled everything out I realized that there isn't that much in there, it's just not organized.

I put in an extra large drawer for some of my clothes, got a basket for laundry that should be put away and moved the box with photos to the back of the cupboard.

Before

After

These cupboards are designed for futons. They are very deep which you need if you are storing futons or other bedding. Using them as I do to store miscellaneous things is hard because they are so deep. It's easy for things to get shoved to the back and forgotten. In all the houses I lived in I've had these type of cupboards. One time when the kids were little I was cleaning out a cupboard and found Christmas presents that I had hid and forgot about! The timing was great as it was the begining of the summer holidays, the kids were wondering what to do as that summer was too hot to play outside for long and both my husdand and I were busy. I'd had a week of moaning, with them saying "I'm bored" finding those presents was a life saver, happy kids for a few weeks!

No nice finds today! A big spider that was hiding in one of the corners came out to say hello and a load of dust! I know this house is dusty but I thought that the cupboards would be alright, the doors are closed most of the time. The only thing I found today was another job, looks like I'll have to dust the inside of the cupboard every few weeks!

This morning David was outside burning some of the tree limbs we've cut down. I went to see how he was doing. The fire place is behind the storage sheds. I don't go there very often as the ground is uneven and I worry about twisting my ankle. I got a little video while I was there. 

I also took this photo. I love the red leaves against the blue sky.

Really beautiful!

Next mission is to tackle the cupboard in the kitchen. It's gotten to the point that I can't find anything when I'm cooking. I really miss having a pantry!

Good News

 Yesterday was my hospital appointment to check my diabetes and cancer markers.

Every six months, I have tests to see if there is any trace of cancer in my body. The December one is just a blood test. In June, I have a full workup, mammogram, CT scan and echo scan. It's now seven years since I had cancer. With most cancers, you are considered cancer-free after 5 years, but with the type I had, the checks go on for 10 years! Again, my blood work showed nothing out of the ordinary!

One thing I've noticed after having cancer, every little pain or twitch, or feeling a bit under the weather, sends me into a slight panic attack! The sensible part of my brain tells me it's nothing, old age, indigestion, or some such thing, that the strange feelings will pass. The emotional part of my brain starts to whisper, "What if....?" "Mom had terminal cancer at your age" " You aren't a doctor; this could be bad" Fortunately, as time has passed, I can quieten these thoughts, most of the time. Part of that is choosing to live more intentionally, to allow myself time to rest, to understand what I need, learning about nutrition and how exercise plays a part in being healthy. I'm reading and watching a lot of videos about growing old, how to deal with sarcopenia, the loss of muscle as we age, and what nutrients help with keeping my gut healthy! I'm diligent but slip up now and then, but it isn't the end of the world. Another thing I'm learning about is gratitude, but that is a whole other post.

The other test I had done and the one that has me shouting for joy is the test for diabetes!

This is the A1C test. According to my doctor, a normal range is between 4.2 and 6.00. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, my A1C was 7.2.  I managed to get down to 6.00, and I stayed there for about a year. Yesterday, the results came back, my A1C was 5.7! I know it isn't a big change, but it made me so happy.  I've tried so hard since September to lose some weight, to eat less carbs and cut sugar. But it's been a struggle. Especially with all the stress I've had, the extreme pain in my back and the expense of fruits and vegetables. Some days I felt everything was against me, including myself! But I lost 3kgs, which, considering everything that is great, plus my A1C number is down!

My next appointment for a diabetes test is in April.  I really want to push and lose at least 5kgs, which would put me just under 90kgs, still big, but better. It's going to be hard, between now and then, there is Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, and trips with Hannah. I'm going to have to plan things carefully. I want to enjoy these holidays, I want to celebrate, and part of the celebrations is food, food that is only available at that time of year. I have to learn how to control myself, have a taste of the cake or one cookie, and really practice moderation! Wish me luck. If anybody has any tips, drop me a comment!

Just to finish, a little video I took yesterday morning.

The weather here had been rather strange. Even though it's December, it has been very warm. December 1st, it was 21 °C! On Wednesday, the temperature plummeted; it didn't get over 10C all day! It actually looked and felt like winter!

Japan/Japanese Trends

 On my social media, I see a lot of posts about Japan.

Posts like: 

The Japanese Walking Method

The Japanese Morning Exercise

Japanese Secret Of Longevity

Japanese Cleaning Method

How The Japanese Kept Skinny

The list goes on and on!

Some might have some merit. When I first saw the title "The Japanese Walking Method", I thought that everyone knows how to walk, so what's so special about Japanese walking? It turns out to be interval walking: warm up by walking at a usual pace, then walk briskly for 3 minutes, and then return to normal pace for 3 minutes. Keep doing this until you've walked for 30 minutes.  I've tried it, and it feels good. I can't do 30 minutes yet, I'm up to 15 minutes, which is a good start!

The Japanese Morning Exercise is nothing new in Japan. It started in 1928, as part of the celebrations of the enthronement of Emperor Hirohito.

It is still broadcast today on the radio and TV.  Driving past some companies in the early morning, I've seen everyone outside doing the exercises.  When my kids were in school, they were supposed to go to school at 6am to do these exercises. They never made it, 6am during the holidays is far too early!

The other trends that I mentioned, I haven't looked into, so I won't comment on them.

What I'm wondering is, do people who have never been to Japan have an image of the Japanese as very healthy, living long, productive lives, with sparkling clean houses and never getting fat?

I will admit that older people in Japan do seem to be in a better shape than in other countries that I've had experience of. Sometimes it's a case of survival. The Japanese pension falls short of providing enough money to live on. Some people in their 80s have to work to be able to pay bills and have money to buy food. Japanese welfare is based on the family taking care of and being responsible for those who can't work. If you don't have any family, then the state will help, but it's not a lot of help. There was a case last week where a 79-year-old man killed his 100-year-old mother as he felt his health was deteriorating and he couldn't keep on taking care of his mother, who was bed-bound!  I thought that was so sad that a man, almost 80 years old, felt that the only choice he had was to kill his mother. They had some help, from my understanding (I'm watching this news in Japanese) care caregivers were going to the house a few times a week to help the mother bathe. Apparently, there is an increase in older people taking care of older relatives!

Some of the people around here are rather sprightly! I see them out in the fields, walking along the roads at rather a brisk rate. But when I go to the doctors, I see people who are alive because of the medicine they take. They leave the pharmacy with a plastic bag full of medicine, which is usually for one month! These individuals are usually non-responsive in wheelchairs, just drooling! 

The other trend that makes me want to throw something at my computer is the Japanese Cleaning Method.

Again, Japan is a mixed bag of people. Some are fastidious; everything has to be in its place, everything has to be spotless.  Then there are those who don't care, even to the point of hoarding!

A few years ago, David was working with one of my husband's friends. He had a company that would do different jobs, such as gardening, and helping to move house. Cleaning etc. Basically, a handyman company.

The company was asked by a rental agency to clean an apartment that a woman in her 40s had been renting. She hadn't cleaned it in years; she actually got a different apartment because she couldn't get into the first one!

David said it was awful. In every room, there was trash, up to his shoulders in most rooms! He started in the bathroom, where he found bags of used sanitary napkins! The bags were so old that as he lifted one, it split, and the contents went everywhere! It took four men 5 days to clean the place!

On the other end was one of my friends. Her house was spotless. When we visited one time, she served us some tea. As soon as we finished drinking, she took the cups, washed them and put them away! They had 3 boys in elementary and junior high school at that time, but the place looked like it was from a magazine!

I think with these trends, it's easy for people who have never been to Japan to see it as some kind of paradise! And I will admit that Japan is a good place to live, but like all countries, it's not 100% great; some things could be better!

Recently on YouTube, there have been some videos about the great education system in Finland, I think it was Finland! I wonder if people who live in Finland see these videos and roll their eyes at them?

A few photos from the garden. It's still very warm here, I think yesterday broke the record for the warmest start of December. Today, as well, it's 17C!

Neighbour's tree

I love the reds that are starting to show up.

It's so warm that there are still butterflies about!

One Year

 This month marks a year since we moved here.

I'm still struggling with this house! I have so many conflicting feelings about this place.

On the one hand, I'm grateful that we could move here. I don't think we could have gotten another rental place, not with 9 cats and no one to act as a guarantor. I know some companies act as a guarantor, but I think it would have been difficult to use them. At least here we don't have that problem, also having the cats here is alright.

I also know that if my mother-in-law were still alive, the kids wouldn't move here. They actually said they would rather be homeless than live with her. She passed away before we even thought of moving here.

But, even after a year, this house still doesn't feel like home!

I'm constantly trying to rearrange things, trying to make it feel right. 

The summer was really hard as we had only one working air conditioner, the one in my room! Cooking in 35 °C plus heat is really hard! Also, because the kitchen/dining area got too hot, we didn't spend time there; it's the only communal area of the house. Everyone spent time in their own rooms! At the old house, when everyone had a day off from work, we would eat lunch together, then sit and talk, have a laugh and make plans. Some days, we would spend a good hour or more just being together. Having the air conditioner on made it easy to hang out together. Now, even on days off, we don't hang out together. More now the weather has cooled down, but the summer was just eat and go!

This house is impossible to keep clean! I'm even having to sweep the ceilings! There is dust everywhere. I sweep, dust, and wipe down things every day. And it's not just the cats, though they don't help! There are ledges around the walls, top and bottom, that are dust traps! I've had dust build up on my curtains. The winter adds extra work as the condensation on the windows is incredible! I have to wipe down the windows two or three times a day. If I don't, then there is a pool of water on the floor! 

The bathroom goes mouldy in one day! The cleaner I use to get rid of the mould is used up in about a week, in the other house it would last for a month! If the bathroom isn't sprayed every day, it gets bad. The bathroom is too big, the bathtub is in one corner, and the shower is on the opposite wall. The rest of the room is dead space. The tiles on the floor broke just a year after being laid, but have never been fixed. I have to put special mats down; otherwise, it's easy to cut your feet on the rough edges of the tiles! I thought of fixing them, but I'm going to wait until I can change the whole bathroom!

Then there is the garden! It's overwhelming. I'm trying to pull weeds, cut down some of the bushes and trees, but I don't have that much energy. Everyone else is so busy with work, they do what they can, but the garden needs to be seen to almost every day to try and make it look nice!

When I was younger, I used to think that by the time I'm in my 60s, I'd be settled, that even if I was still working, I would have some time for myself. I thought I would have money to travel a bit, to find hobbies that I could enjoy. Looks like that kind of life is a dream! 

I really hope that I can make some money to do some renovations in the house. The kitchen, bathroom and toilet are priorities. There are other things I would love to do, but not as important. 

Even if I never really love this house, this is it! I keep looking at houses for sale in the area where we used to live, but I'll never have the money to move, so I have to make the most of this place!

At least I have a nice view from my window. The autumn leaves are late this year; they are just starting to turn! I noticed this lovely tree outside my window today!

Lovely colours

It's hard to see in the photo, but the colour is very vibrant!

I'm going to make a cup of tea, get a book and spend time reading and looking at this beautiful tree!