Just Thinking

 Yesterday, when I changed over the chest of drawers, I threw out a few things. Not a lot, about one trash bag full, clothes that were falling to pieces, some that no longer fit, just trash really. But it wasn't easy! For example, I threw out a sweater that I bought about 15 years ago. I've only worn it a couple of times because it's not my style, wide neck, off-the-shoulder type. I got it from a recycle store, so not expensive, no real sentimental feelings toward it either, but I just haven't been able to throw it out!

Why? I can understand keeping things that have sentimental value. I have a couple of things that belonged to my Mom and Hisao, they comfort me and bring back memories. I also have a couple of baby clothes from each of my kids, again, comfort and memories. The same with photos and journals that I keep, I like looking back, remembering things, places I went, people I knew. Now that the kids are adults, I can tell them stories of their childhood. I feel that kind of family history is important!  

Why do I find it hard to throw out things that I don't need, aren't useful and are not even worth keeping? Is it the fear that I won't be able to buy things? Is it the fear of not having things? I know that when I do get the courage to purge myself of unnecessary stuff, I feel a lot better. I feel lighter, more at ease. Getting there, however, is hard. Hannah and David are good at helping me when I need to declutter.

Once I was sorting out the teaching materials I had. I had built up a library of books, CDs and prints. I like that I had a choice of textbooks so I could cater to the students' individual needs, but I always went back to using the same textbook.  I pulled books off the shelves, making two piles: keep or trash. The keep pile was getting very high! Hannah asked why I was keeping certain books, I told her that the grammar points were good or the dialogues were useful. She pointed out that the information was out of date. In one book, it had the question "Who is she/he?" with photos of Princess Diana and Michael Jackson; most kids wouldn't know who they are. Another book had a picture of cassette tapes, asking how many? Again, kids wouldn't know what cassette tapes are. With Hannah's help, I managed to throw out a load of books, making the room look a lot better.

The same with David. Before we moved here, we cleaned out the storage place. I had kept everything that I wasn't using, about 34 years of stuff, from baby clothes to school textbooks and loads of broken gadgets. David would pick up something and ask why are you keeping this. So much trash. It broke my heart, but I realised that the only value was sentiment, not usefulness! I kept a few things, but most were thrown out.

I think I need to learn how to do this by myself. I don't like the feeling of being afraid of letting things go. With spring starting, it's a good chance to go through the things that I have and do another good purge of trash. This house is too small, half the size of the last house. I don't really have space just to keep things. 

I can do this! I'll just have to remind myself every day!

A photo of the mountains from the other morning. It's been raining all day today, which is good as the winter has been very dry and the reservoirs were getting low!

Misty mountains.