The Begining Of The End

 In the middle of October Hannah and I went to see about getting her apartment.  She quickly decided on the one she wants and started the process of getting it, lots of forms to fill out, lots of phone calls, and lots of decisions to be made. At that time Hannah said that she would do what she had to do but most of it she wanted to wait until after her teacher training at a special needs school.  I agreed to that as the training is very intense and exhausting, also it felt a long way away, the last thing to do before getting ready for Hannah to move out and us to move to the other house.

Today is the last day of her training! 

Last night I was looking at the calendar and trying to figure out schedules, when we can take things to Hannah's apartment and when we can move stuff to the other house.  I realized that in a week's time Hannah will get her key, then she can start to move in.

I just sat and cried. It really is the end of an era.

In about 10 days we will be out of this house. 

And I still don't want to move. It just feels wrong on so many levels!

Yesterday a friend stopped by the other house to pick up some books for her kids.  I gave her a house tour.  She said that she really liked the house, that it was so Japanese and had all the things in the house that she would like! I tried to see the house through her eyes and felt that the house is okay and has potential and could be very nice with a lot of money invested in it!  I then realized that one of the reasons I don't want to move there is to do with the awful memories of that place.  

About 15 years ago we lived there with my mother-in-law. Just one year, the kids called it the year from hell. I think I cried every single day. She became more verbally and emotionally abusive. If it was just toward me or Hisao I think I could have dealt with that but she had a go at my kids as well.  She spent time putting us down. One of the worst incidents was when Christopher, who was 10 at the time, was being bullied at school. We decided to keep him home for a few days until we could talk with the school and get things sorted out. Hisao explained this to my mother-in-law, her response was to tell Christopher that he was being bullied because he was stupid.  Not just once but every time she saw him!  That broke my heart. Christopher was a very sensitive child and didn't deserve that kind of treatment!  

When we go to the other house I'm constantly reminded of the heartache I suffered there. It's also the place where Hisao's health took a turn for the worse. He had high blood pressure and I feel the constant nagging and whining from his mother made it higher.  He ended up in hospital for a month with kidney failure and fluid around his heart.

When we moved out I vowed that I would never live there again, I was finished with that place.

I know in my mind that the house is just a building.  That the house didn't hurt me, that a person, who has since passed away was the cause of all the pain I experienced there.  But it is still so hard. Life here has been comfortable, there have been a few bumps, some very rocky times, especially Hisao's death and dealing with the grief and the time I had cancer but overall I've enjoyed being here.  I've enjoyed being with my kids and watching them grow to young adults.

This move is the end of an era.  Two of my kids will be moving out, Hannah first, then next year Mikey. I have no real vision of what life will be like for the next few years.

I'm sad about this move, I know I will cry a lot the next few weeks. I know I have no choice.  

Today it is very cool. The cats are snuggling up together. That is always a sign of how cool it is!

Just a photo of the cats snuggled up this morning!

Snuggled on the sofa!

October

 Another month done and dusted!

The other house is almost ready. I did more in the bathroom, need to get a long brush to reach the top of the walls and the ceiling (or ask David). I started on the toilets, totally disgusting! The dust was so thick it was more like soil than dust. I need a few toilet brushes to do the bowls, there are two toilets and I still don't understand why!

The upstairs storage has been done, a couple of boxes of old clothes to be burnt, downstairs is almost done as well. 

That leaves moving stuff from here. David is pushing himself to go almost every day to drop off stuff, I'm really worried about him. He has lost weight again, he looks gaunt!  He has very low blood pressure, so after we move he has to go to the doctor to get a check up.  Christopher and I have the opposite problem!!

As this house get emptier the sadder I feel! I really don't want to move! I know no choice but I wish we had one.  I know that not paying rent will save money but not having a way to make money doesn't help. I can't teach from the other house, it's too small and remote. I don't drive so even if we could get students at a nearby community center it would be impossible for me to go there. I'm looking at sites that connect teachers to students online but the sites either have too many English teachers or they ask for a university degree, which I don't have.

I'm looking to make a web page to get students online and maybe make some materials to sell. I'm not looking to get rich but just to be able to pay bills, travel a bit and help my family when I can!  Surely I can do that!

We will be out before the end of November.  Not happy but I'll deal with it somehow!

I was saying to Christopher how unhappy I am, his answer was that Costco is opening in November, just 20 minutes drive from the other house. I guess that is something to look forward to!!

One thing we need to do is take down some of the trees in the yard!  A lot have died and are a bit dangerous!  Christopher managed to cut one down and take out the stump!

An old tree stump

completely dried out

what was left after it was taken out

The weather is finally a bit cooler, todays high will be 22C.  I'm the only one who is happy!

I know it's getting cool when the cats start to cuddle up together!

Toast and Steve snuggle buddies

Mom's Birthday

 Mom would have been 85 today!

Maybe because it's her birthday or because I'm getting older but she has been on my mind a lot recently.

I was talking to one of my students who has two young children, I was asking how they are entertained when the parents are busy. He told me about a cartoon that his oldest son loves watch.  I told him how my Mom entertained me when she was cooking and it was raining and I couldn't play outside. 

The house that we lived in had large french windows, looking out over the back garden. In front of the windows was concrete, when it rained 3 puddles would form. As the rain fell it would make ripples in the puddles, Mom told me that the ripples were fairies dancing and if I was quiet and looked hard enough I would be able to see them. I can remember sitting there for ages, Mom asking every now and then if I could see them yet!  I was about 4 years old at that time but I still remember the rain and the quiet time looking for fairies! Maybe that is why I still like the rain.

Another memory from that time was when my Dad hurt his back!  I remember Mom rubbing this ointment in Dad's back. I can still see Dad hanging onto the kitchen sink, Mom rubbing this smelly stuff in, and Dad making a lot of noise. I couldn't figure out why Dad was shouting so much as there was no cut. As a child I equated pain with cuts and scratches!

I don't have any photos from that time. I don't know if any exist! I have one photo of Mom when she was very young.

Young Mom

The ones I like are from the last visit, a year before she died. She had chance to spend time with her grandkids, I hope she felt some joy from that!

Mom and Hannah

Mom watching the boys play

with Christopher

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Change Of Plans

 We were going to go to the other house this morning. David was supposed to have last night off, so we were going to go early and try to get a few things finished. But he got called into work at the last minute. He's the night shift manager so he gets the call if someone is absent. It's ok but David is exhausted and needs some down time!

He gets home at about 9:30 am so by the time we load the car and get going it's almost 10 am, then a 40 to 50 minutes drive it's too late to do anything. 

So this morning I decided that we would stay here and do some jobs around the house. I asked Hannah and Christopher to clean the living room and kitchen while David and I went shopping. Mikey had morning classes so escaped the cleaning.

I'm glad that we spent time to clean here, this house has been a bit neglected as all our time and energy has gone into the other house. Having a morning of cleaning has made the house feel a bit fresher and it's nice to come into the living room and not have it look like a disaster.  Also having the kitchen clean meant that I could cook a nice lunch!

One thing I'm learning from this moving adventure is being flexible is very important. It's so easy to make plans but seeing them through can be very hard. I really wanted to go this morning, I thought I could focus on cleaning the rest of the tiles in the kitchen and the last two cupboards that way the kitchen would be done, except for the stove top that needs replacing!  

At one point I would have felt frustrated and a bit angry that my plans had fallen through but now I realize that making use of my time in other ways, getting other jobs done is just as important. Being angry at something that I can't change is just a waste of energy.

I think most people would have figured this out when they are young, I guess I'm a bit late to the party!

The weather is still weird, it's still to warm for the end of October!  It's been raining on and off today, I like rainy days!  A nice cup of tea, a good book or drama on TV and a cat to keep me company is my idea of a good afternoon!

Just some cat photos!

Alan

Mama and the skull

Toast and Steve curled up together

Another Day Of Work

Today Mikey, David, Christopher and I went to the other house. Hannah still has her teacher training so she got excused from the hard work!!

I managed to fill 4 large trash bags from the office. I can't believe the things I've been keeping, CDs. floppy disks and loads of bits of paper!! There is still more to do but stooping down to pick up things hurts my knee and back.

I went outside to see what the other three were up to. They were moving this old hand ploughing machine that had been rusting outside for about 20 years.

This thing!

It's hard to see but it has large blades on it.  Once when my mother-in-law was using it, she got to close to the blades and cut her leg open, from the knee down to the ankle!  After that she didn't use it, just left it outside. I'm glad it's gone. Mikey took it to the scrap metal place and got 2000 yen for it.

Short video trying to get the machine in the car.

I tried to clean the tiles in the kitchen and the floor where the the fridge will go, I think I need to do it again, just so much dust built up!

Still a lot to do but we are getting there!

I still hope to move in by next month! I don't want to pay rent here in December.

Can we do it?

Mikey started Halloween parties today. The girls class came in costumes and spent the time laughing, playing games and eating snacks. It was a nice change from the intense study of the past few weeks!

Girls having fun

Tomorrow is back to the other house. More to do, as always!!

I Made A Mistake

 Nothing earth shattering, just something that has left me overwhelmed even more than before!

As I said in my post on making money I need another way to generate income.

I'm literally broke. I have no savings at all, the pandemic and Hannah starting university at the same time saw to that.  I've tried to save since then but I'm not even making enough to cover rent and bills at the moment.

So yesterday I decided to search on YouTube for ideas on small businesses! That was a mistake, so many ideas, so many things that are sellable or seem very doable. 

I dismissed all the ones with really wild claims, you know the ones that say "I made $1,000 in 24 hours", those always seem to be a bit fishy!

I've watched so many that my head is spinning!

One young lady makes her own designs for T-shirts, sweat shirts and tote bags. She bought a hot press machine and an embroidery machine. She didn't do so well to start with, just over 30 views on her home page when she launched but by buying advertising and using influencers she started to make money. She did well for a while but then sales dropped off. It was interesting to watch but seemed like a lot of work with no promise of long term return!

The ones that I'm really interested in are people selling digital products!  They all seem to be very similar, use this web page, click here, download this, pay for this subscription!  I found some good ideas and leads but need to really think out what I want to make and then take the plunge.

That is where I fall down! I doubt myself, what if I make some worksheets and nobody buys them! Stupid I know, I won't be investing a ton of money to start with. If they don't sell so what just move on and try something else!

At the moment it's all thinking and planning. My head is so full of moving schedules and things that need to be done to get settled in the other house and to get Hannah settled! 

Once we are settled and I can see my teaching schedule I can then make plans to start to do something!

I'm also seriously thinking of making a YouTube channel. I enjoy watching other people as they live their lives in Japan. Young people starting off on their journey of independent living, foreigners who have moved to Japan, people my age living slow lives in the countryside of Japan, how they experience the seasons and the quietness of the country. Again lots of ideas that I need to make real.

On a completely different topic. I've have been enjoying the weather the past couple of weeks. It is still too warm some days but we've had a bit of rain and very dramatic skies. 

Sunset yesterday evening was very beautiful. I couldn't get photos but Hannah sent me some from the train station near the school she is training at.

This is my favorite, love the blue patch

Looking down the tracks

Today is busy teaching but I hope to get some things packed up. 

Step by step we are getting closer to being done!!

Just A This And That Post

 Yesterday Hannah started two weeks of teacher training at a special needs school.

She had a good day but was exhausted. First day nerves. Her friends father could bring her back to the city hall so Christopher and I went to meet her. Nice walk, it was cool outside!

We saw the new store that is going to open soon, maybe!

Looks nice!

In the evening David and I drove to the other house to take some branches that David had cut down in the morning!  

It was a nice drive until I saw a grasshopper by the rear view mirror. I asked David to pull over, but he wouldn't. When he stopped at red light I tried to move the grasshopper to David's side and the open window. That back fired as it started to jump around, which started me screaming and David laughing.  We managed to get it out. I was sat there wondering why I was moving to the countryside when every little insect makes me scream. I honestly can't tolerate them!

One thing that is nice about the other house is how quiet it is.  When we got there the moon had broken out of the clouds and there were a few stars visible. I remembered how much I enjoyed looking at the stars when we lived there before. I managed to get a photo of the moon, not very good but with a phone camera not too bad!

Beautiful!

Today David, Christopher and I went to the other house. We spent most of the morning on the storage area.  I managed to unpack about five boxes of books. I also found a lot of old clothes, baby clothes! Made me feel a bit sad. So much time has passed, so many changes, most good, some bad or sad!!

This was the storage room last week.

Complete mess

Today we got a lot done but not 100% finished.

A lot better

On the way home I saw this sign.

Butchers??

Even though it says "New Meat" it's actually a car dealership!!!

Every Day Is Busy

 Yesterday it was back to the real estate agents with Hannah to go over the legal side of the contract, all the rules, all the things that she can and can't do.  Then lots of things to sign. I was rather surprised at the amount of paper this took! 3 A four size booklets with different parts of the contract. I remember way back in 1995 the advent of the home computer with a mouse and icons, this was going to revolutionize office work, we would become a paperless society. Maybe not!! We were in there for over an hour!

Before that we went to the local mall. It's massive, Mikey took us, he parked at one end and of course what Hannah needed was at the other end! Lots of walking! She needed a pair of running shoes for next week, she has teacher training at a special needs school. Apparently the kids run very morning and of course the teachers have to run with them!  

The mall had a display of Ikebana. Very beautiful!

Beautiful Ikebana at the local mall

 As I said Mikey took us, which really helped. I didn't want a repeat of last week, getting over tired and sick!

Today it was back to the other house!

The house is basically finished.  A few places to wipe down, a few decisions about where to put furniture but it is feeling ready to move into!

The storage building, however, is still a disaster! I thought that all the books in the room where we teach, all my books from my room would fit into the reading area that I have. I was being overly optimistic. So we have to clean out the storage area.  

Storage area

That is one half of the room!  Behind me is a lot cleaner.

The stuff in there is our stuff, 33 years of thinking about things later!

Whenever we cleaned out our house, any stuff we weren't using was put in the storage place to go through later. But later never really came, kind of out of sight, out of mind!

I have thrown out some things, a lot actually but there is still too much up there!

One problem is all the creatures up there, always just seeing something run across the floor, lots of those little lizard things!

The view from up there is really nice.

 I also found some rather interesting things. A CD Rom for Windows 1995! This is from our first computer!

My hair needs cutting. I say I look like the wild woman of Japan when it gets long and out of control. Today it was so windy, so I looked even more wild than usual.

Christopher took this photo of me. I was taking my frustration out on some old furniture that needed breaking up!

Making Money

 For last 30 years or so I've relied on teaching English to make money.

At one point I was making about 40,0000 yen a month, about 2000 pounds at todays rate!

That was about 25 years ago. It's been down hill since then.

I've noticed that since the pandemic a lot of small English schools and cram schools have not recovered.

In my opinion there are a number of factors contributing to this. The economy in Japan is getting worse, everything has gone up except wages. Parents just don't have money to pay for English class, also young working people don't have money or time for hobbies like learning English. Also parents are so busy that they don't have time to take kids to classes!

I thought that we would just reopen near where we are moving to (that is still an option) but there are a few problems.  Where we are living is a few minutes drive to the area that is a good place to collect students. Until next year that would be okay as Mikey could take me, but from next summer Mikey is moving to another city!  Also the house is too small to have students come and to be honest I've had enough of kids wrecking things in my house!!

So how to make money?

I have one skill, teaching English.  How to use that now?

I have some ideas but they are rather vague.

I want to make a website to get online students. I think teaching online might work better than setting up a classroom.

Also I could make some materials and sell them.

Also a recipe webpage.

Plus start a YouTube channel.

And we still have land that has blueberry bushes and persimmon trees, but that is a longer term thing.

Then there is this little blog. I keep searching about how to make money with a blog but nothing seems to fit for me!  I have made some money, 4000 yen in 12 years!  

But, of course there is a but, when I look at what other people are doing I see a level of professionalism that I know I can't get anywhere near.

I look at materials and feel that I have no way to make things as nice or as well thought out as that!

Recipe webpages are so full of bells and whistles, "jump to the recipe" buttons and loads of videos and studio grade photos! Who would want to get my recipes?

The same with YouTube. A lot of these videos are very professional looking. 

I guess what my problem is is a lack of confidence!

The skills needed to do these things I can learn. Christopher can help set up a webpage, I want one in Japanese, so I really need help there!

I thought that I had more confidence than I do. I was talking to David about traveling in Japan. It was something Hisao and I planned to do. I still want to but the thought of going alone scares me. David pointed out that I don't shop alone because of the automatic register machines!

So I have a lot of thinking, soul searching to do. I want to make money, I want to travel, I want to live life not just survive or live vicariously through my kids! So I have to do something proactive and get over myself.

The next few weeks are going to be very busy! So much to do to move. Once we are settled I want to really start focusing on getting some of there projects off the ground! I'm already reading and trying to study things, but my brain freezes and I feel very dull, I think it's just stress and exhaustion.

A few photos of David and Hannah pratting with the phone camera!

David and Hannah

A Few Photos

 Hannah took a few photos of the city she is moving to.

I found the area around the station to be very beautiful, it's recently been reformed and is now a very pleasant place, with a good variety of shops, restaurants and cafes!

In the station we came across this guy, all decked out for Halloween.

Halloween

I wonder if they will do the same for Christmas.

Near the station are a collection of statues, famous men from the cities history.

The guy on the right looks like he has an iPad!

There's information about the different people.

On Wednesday we went to the other house. I found some chairs to put into my reading area.

They are old, older than Hannah! I used them in the entrance of one of the houses we had, a waiting area for students and the naughty chair for my kids.  I was going to throw them out but since they've been there the area has become a hang out. We have a coffee break after a couple of hours work, every one who is there comes and sits, looks through the books, have a nice chat. I hope that area can keep being like that!

Nice place to hang out

Once we move in I'll see about getting or making some covers for the chairs.

I'm feeling rather overwhelmed with all that needs to be done.

Cleaning, packing, moving stuff from here. Sorting out utilities, getting toilets sorted at the other house, cleaning out the office in the storage building. Then helping Hannah with her process. We went to an electrical store today. I might be able to get a loan so I can buy some things for her. I spent most of the night trying to figure things out!

I have a long to do list. I cross off 3 things and add 10 more. As much as I don't want to move I really just want it finished with now!

A lot of the work now is me supervising the boys, they have more energy than me!

Christopher stayed home on Wednesday and cooked lunch, chicken liver, very tasty! Another cook helps!!