Japanese Are So Polite

 Or are they?

The idea that the Japanese are very polite often comes up on some of my Facebook groups. Tourists who spend a few weeks here see Japan and the Japanese as examples of how societies should work. There's this idea that all Japanese have wonderful manners, that services in hotels, restaurants and shops are always top notch and that Japan is a country where nothing bad ever happens!

I will admit that I've seen more polite behavior than impolite behavior. In most stores, you are greeted by staff shouting "Irrasshimase", which basically means "Welcome".  At checkout out you are asked if you need a bag or if you have a store card. The tone of language is usually formal and polite, and the staff will smile, even if you are the last customer of the day and all they want to do is go home. This is standard and part of the training for the staff. In my 34 years here, I've never been shouted at by staff or told to hurry up because the store is closing.  In restaurants the wait staff are polite and are willing to answer questions, they are clean, not chewing gum or leaning on the table, both of which I experienced in England!

But what about other people?  People who aren't being paid to put up with customers.  That's a whole other story.

In the news over the past few years, there have been more and more stories of kasuhara, customer harassment. Customers who refuse to leave the store even though it's closed. Resorting to violence and threatening to sue individual staff members. I thought this was just in the bigger cities, but I've noticed that even here in the countryside, staff name badges now just say "Staff". Japan has the philosophy that the customer is king, unfortunately, a lot of customers interpret that as meaning "I can do what I want". It's sad to see how bad this has gotten. I'm sure there have been isolated incidents for many years, but it's gotten to the point that in any city, there is enough of this happening to fill up a news segment!

The other thing I hear a lot on Facebook is how well-mannered kids are in Japan.  Again, there is some truth in that, but I've taught some very bad-mannered kids, and I've also encountered some kids and parents who could do with a crash course in manners.

One thing that I've noticed is that kids don't line up their shoes properly in the entrance. In Japan, shoes aren't worn in the house. My husband told me that as a child he was always told to place his shoes together facing the door, so they are easy to step into when leaving. This is especially true when visiting someone. When I first started teaching, all the kids did this, but over the years, fewer and fewer kids were taught this manner. They would race in and leave their shoes thrown about. I would tell them to go and line up their shoes properly. It's a small thing, but it shows that manners in younger kids are getting worse. In my English school, one of the first English words I would teach was please and thank you. If I offered the kids something, they had to say thank you, in English is best (because it's an English class), but even in Japanese, and repeating the English is alright.  Small things like that really help. 

I think that Japan as a whole is a very polite society. It's built into the language, using different forms depending on the hierarchy. I think being bowed to, and smiled at when you are out shopping or in a restaurant is nice and makes life a bit less stressful. But the Japanese are not perfect and painting all Japanese with the same paint brush can lead to disappointment. Japan is a wonderful country, full of exquisite places to visit. The people on the whole are nice and polite, but there will always be someone who got out of bed on the wrong side and couldn't be bothered.

I've had my run-in with very bad-mannered people. I was elbowed in the stomach when I was pregnant with David by an old lady who wanted to get on the bus before me. The driver came to my rescue and told her off!

I've had kids stand in front of my table and just stare at me because I'm a foreigner, their parents not bothering to tell them that they are being rude.

I've even had kids from the local junior high school outside my house at 3am yelling "Gai jin!" (impolite word for foreigner). 

So, yes, things happen, but on a day-to-day basis, things aren't that bad here.

As a foreigner I try to be polite, I don't want to stick out. But at the same time I have no problem saying something if I see people being rude!

One last thing I would like to point out is from Hannah's graduation last week. Children here go through graduation from kindergarten. The ceremonies are basically the same. One thing that is taught is how to receive your diploma. You walk up to the table, and you bow to the teachers and guests. You stand in front of the table, bow to the headteacher, who bows back, you receive your diploma, right hand first, then left hand and bow again. It's all very formal but very beautiful to watch. There is something in this ceremony that teaches the kids the importance of the educational institute and the importance of the education they have received!

Hannah receiving her diploma