Japanese Are So Polite

 Or are they?

The idea that the Japanese are very polite often comes up on some of my Facebook groups. Tourists who spend a few weeks here see Japan and the Japanese as examples of how societies should work. There's this idea that all Japanese have wonderful manners, that services in hotels, restaurants and shops are always top notch and that Japan is a country where nothing bad ever happens!

I will admit that I've seen more polite behavior than impolite behavior. In most stores, you are greeted by staff shouting "Irrasshimase", which basically means "Welcome".  At checkout out you are asked if you need a bag or if you have a store card. The tone of language is usually formal and polite, and the staff will smile, even if you are the last customer of the day and all they want to do is go home. This is standard and part of the training for the staff. In my 34 years here, I've never been shouted at by staff or told to hurry up because the store is closing.  In restaurants the wait staff are polite and are willing to answer questions, they are clean, not chewing gum or leaning on the table, both of which I experienced in England!

But what about other people?  People who aren't being paid to put up with customers.  That's a whole other story.

In the news over the past few years, there have been more and more stories of kasuhara, customer harassment. Customers who refuse to leave the store even though it's closed. Resorting to violence and threatening to sue individual staff members. I thought this was just in the bigger cities, but I've noticed that even here in the countryside, staff name badges now just say "Staff". Japan has the philosophy that the customer is king, unfortunately, a lot of customers interpret that as meaning "I can do what I want". It's sad to see how bad this has gotten. I'm sure there have been isolated incidents for many years, but it's gotten to the point that in any city, there is enough of this happening to fill up a news segment!

The other thing I hear a lot on Facebook is how well-mannered kids are in Japan.  Again, there is some truth in that, but I've taught some very bad-mannered kids, and I've also encountered some kids and parents who could do with a crash course in manners.

One thing that I've noticed is that kids don't line up their shoes properly in the entrance. In Japan, shoes aren't worn in the house. My husband told me that as a child he was always told to place his shoes together facing the door, so they are easy to step into when leaving. This is especially true when visiting someone. When I first started teaching, all the kids did this, but over the years, fewer and fewer kids were taught this manner. They would race in and leave their shoes thrown about. I would tell them to go and line up their shoes properly. It's a small thing, but it shows that manners in younger kids are getting worse. In my English school, one of the first English words I would teach was please and thank you. If I offered the kids something, they had to say thank you, in English is best (because it's an English class), but even in Japanese, and repeating the English is alright.  Small things like that really help. 

I think that Japan as a whole is a very polite society. It's built into the language, using different forms depending on the hierarchy. I think being bowed to, and smiled at when you are out shopping or in a restaurant is nice and makes life a bit less stressful. But the Japanese are not perfect and painting all Japanese with the same paint brush can lead to disappointment. Japan is a wonderful country, full of exquisite places to visit. The people on the whole are nice and polite, but there will always be someone who got out of bed on the wrong side and couldn't be bothered.

I've had my run-in with very bad-mannered people. I was elbowed in the stomach when I was pregnant with David by an old lady who wanted to get on the bus before me. The driver came to my rescue and told her off!

I've had kids stand in front of my table and just stare at me because I'm a foreigner, their parents not bothering to tell them that they are being rude.

I've even had kids from the local junior high school outside my house at 3am yelling "Gai jin!" (impolite word for foreigner). 

So, yes, things happen, but on a day-to-day basis, things aren't that bad here.

As a foreigner I try to be polite, I don't want to stick out. But at the same time I have no problem saying something if I see people being rude!

One last thing I would like to point out is from Hannah's graduation last week. Children here go through graduation from kindergarten. The ceremonies are basically the same. One thing that is taught is how to receive your diploma. You walk up to the table, and you bow to the teachers and guests. You stand in front of the table, bow to the headteacher, who bows back, you receive your diploma, right hand first, then left hand and bow again. It's all very formal but very beautiful to watch. There is something in this ceremony that teaches the kids the importance of the educational institute and the importance of the education they have received!

Hannah receiving her diploma

Doing A Little Bit In The Garden

 Actually, very little!

I took a before photo, but the after photo looks the same!!

Before

After

Maybe the after photo looks a bit better.

I really wanted to get as many of those weeds out as possible. But after about 20 minutes of bending and crouching, my knee gave out, and my back was screaming at me to stop! I hoped to go tomorrow, but it looks like rain. Good excuse!

While I was out, David made lunch!

He makes his own karage, Japanese fried chicken. He also cooked up some green peppers with tinned tomatoes and served them with avocado! Very nice lunch!

Nice lunch

After lunch, I went upstairs in our storage place. I realized this week that I have very few T-shirts, so I went hunting for the ones I had put in storage! Managed to find a few but after looking at them I think I might have to buy a couple of new ones for summer!

We just had a surprise visit from one of Hisao's friends!  

Why, when people turn up, is the house a mess, not too bad, but not as clean as I would like! I guess that's a hint!! I should clean up more!  

Husband's friend with his wife and their friend!

We sat and talked for a few minutes. That was a nice surprise!

Vernal Equinox Day

 Yesterday was a national holiday in Japan. 

It was Vernal Equinox Day, the day when the night and day are the same length. 

The holiday goes back to ancient times, when the spring equinox was tied to agricultural rituals and crop planting. Later, when Buddhism had a strong influence on society, the day became associated with Higan, a week-long period where people honored their ancestors, usually visiting graves to clean them and offer flowers and incense. The Vernal Equinox became a national holiday in 1948 when Japan secularized a lot of its holidays after World War 2.  For most people, it's a chance to get back to nature.  Where we live, the weather suddenly changed yesterday, from freezing and snow to warm breezes! David said that on the news the last effort of winter to hold on is usually called "General Winter's last march", kind of poetic!

When my kids were little, we watched one of Winne the Pooh's movies, I have no idea which one, but the story centered around having a party on the first day of spring. I thought this was such a lovely idea that for many years we would have a party on this day.  Schools finish for the year at the end of March, so this party was also to celebrate another year in school finished.  Just before starting school in April, we would have another little party to get the new school year off to a good start!

I really miss those days!  When cooking up a few treats made the kids excited, it was so simple! 

I guess this season of graduating and moving on has made me a bit nostalgic for the past!

The photo is from Christopher's birthday. But this would be how we would have parties, lots of good food, and usually a video to watch together. 

Christophers birthday

I'll have to look at my photos to see if I have any from our spring parties!

Wasting time

 Yesterday I was exhausted from my trip to the city for Hannah's graduation. I knew I was going to be tired so I planned a nothing day. I did a few things, but not much. I went to bed at 11pm, thinking I could get a good sleep then today I could do all these chores that are niggling at me. But the cats decided not to cooperate! 

Steve and Alfie were practicing for Britain's Got Talent, and they decided that the acoustics outside my door were the best. 

Steve and Alfie!

And I think Fred and Frodo were preparing for a mixed martial arts competition!

Frodo

And Fred

So this morning I was tired and had no energy to do anything! Another day of resting!

I know that I could of pushed myself to do things but I would end up feeling ill and being rather grumpy!

So two wasted days.

I've also been thinking about the amount of time I spend on social media. I did a quick search, and the average time is two and a half hours a day. I don't think I'm that bad, but I do know that sometimes I start scrolling through Instagram and find that half an hour has gone without me realizing it. 

The other two sites that get me are YouTube and Pinterest. They are so easy to get lost in them. So many interesting ideas, so much information and so much misinformation!  

I'm trying to be more aware of how I spend my time. There are things that I have to do, chores, teaching, and hopefully gardening, if the weather decides to cooperate!  There are things I want to do, reading, studying, baking, and trying some new hobbies. I should focus on those things instead of mindless scrolling through other people's lives. I've realized that I watch a lot of videos of how people are living in Japan. A few ladies who are a similar age to me, living slow lives. They are Japanese, so I watch with subtitles but also try to listen to what they are saying. I can justify it as a way to study Japanese. Other videos are foreigners living in Japan. The foreigner videos seem to have similar themes, setting up an apartment or shopping! I was watching one last night, halfway through I was wondering why am I watching this, I go shopping in Japan every week!! 

So I'm going to be more mindful of how I spend my time. Try to get things done when I don't have to travel to the other city for lessons. We've been in this house since December, and it still doesn't feel like home. As we settle in I'm finding more problems, more things that need to be seen to or fixed. And a lot more cleaning, things that were missed the first time round!  So a lot of work, no more wasting time!!!

Hannah's Graduation

 Yesterday was Hannah's graduation!

Christopher and I traveled to the city by train and then made a mad dash for the bus! I got to practice my speed walking!!

Unfortunately, the weather was bad, very cold, rainy, and windy; it actually snowed later on! 

The bus we got said that the stop was in front of the venue. The bus company's idea of in front of something and mine were very different! I was expecting to see the building and just walk through a parking lot. Instead, we got off at a busy street that was more residential than city buildings. Christopher had his phone, but it was difficult to read the map as the rain was very heavy then. We were dashing from shelter to shelter, trying to figure out which way to go. I was worried about being late. According to the map, it was a six-minute walk from the stop.  I often wonder how they figure out how many minutes it takes to walk from one place to another. I don't think they use a 62-year-old woman with a bad knee as a model for walking speed. It took us more like 15 minutes to get to the building. 

I thought Hannah would already be there, but she was still on a shuttle bus from her university. 

She arrived a few minutes after us. I didn't recognize her at first. With her hair and make-up done and wearing a hakama she looked very different. And very beautiful!

Selfies from Hannah

Hannah's hakama

with me feeling very proud

with Christopher

ribbon on the back of her hair

Waiting to go in

outside the hall

The ceremony started at 10:30. The graduates sat at the front of the auditorium. Parents and guests sat behind.

The banner is the name of the university and the year of graduation

On the left are university staff, on the right (blocked by the lady's head) are special guests.

First they read out how many students were graduating from each department. Then, a representative student was called to collect their diploma.

This is the student who represented Hannah's course.

This took a long time.

Then came the speeches. I tried to focus and understand what was being said, but I was sleepy, rather warm, and comfortable. I kind of dozed off!! I have the excuse that I can't catch all the Japanese, as it tends to be rather formal, but I wonder what excuses other people had?! I noticed a lot of people dozing off during the speeches.

After the main ceremony, Hannah's course and another course were asked to stay behind to receive their diplomas and licenses. Hannah now has a license to teach in elementary school and at a special needs school.

Hannah getting her diploma

With two of her teachers

The sign says about the graduation

I had called Mikey while I was waiting for Hannah to finish. He was kind enough to come and pick us up, which really helped.

We took Hannah to the kimono shop so she could change out of the hakama.  Of course, things didn't go as planned. The building where you change is separate from the kimono shop. You have to take off your shoes to go in. After Hannah changed, she called me. Somebody had taken Hannah's boots by mistake. Staff knew who went into the building at the same time as Hannah, so they could call her. A few minutes later, the girl came back and exchanged boots.  We thought it was rather funny!

After that, we had a quick lunch. Nothing fancy, but we enjoyed it. Hannah said it was nice to eat something that she didn't have to cook. I felt the same way.

At lunch

Nice and simple

After that we dropped Hannah off at her apartment and we made our way back to teach.

The weather got really bad. The rain had turned to snow, and was really coming down! The video doesn't show how bad it was!

We got to the city in time to start our classes. 

We didn't get back home until 10:30 at night, long day!

The course that Hannah graduated from had a party/dinner in the evening.

Hannah sent me loads of photos. I think it was a nice way to say goodbye to friends who had been together for four years!

From her class

With her teacher

selfies again

It was a nice day! Exhausting but wonderful. Happy and sad. On these days like this, I really miss Hisao!

I'm very proud of Hannah. The past four years have seen her grow up so much!  When she started it was at the time of the pandemic. For the first year, most of her classes were online. We didn't know if she would have a real university experience, if all four years would be online or not.  But as we got over the pandemic and things went back to normal, she started having classes and meetings at university. She did her one-month teacher's training. During that time, she realized that as much as she enjoys teaching elementary school children, the workload, the attitude of both parents and kids, and the way new subjects are added to the curriculum, that job wasn't for her. She decided to go to graduate school and get her license to teach at junior high school.  She has managed to work part-time, usually two different jobs at the same time to make money for everything!

In April, she will start her graduate course. She is already thinking about her thesis!  

I'm hoping the next three years will be good for her and she can go on to become an English teacher in junior high school.

I got lucky as my student today canceled her class, so I could rest a bit! I'm glad, as I was so tired last night! According to my fit app I did over 5000 steps yesterday! Good but exhausting!

 

Running Errands

Sounds simple doesn't it?  But not when you can't drive or deal with things because of language!

First of all my Japanese is bad but I can deal with most daily things. What I had to do today I needed help.

The first stop was the dry cleaners.  I think this was the second time to use dry cleaners! I try not to buy things that need dry cleaning. 

The clothes that I wanted cleaned are a dress and jacket set that I'm hoping to wear for Mikey's wedding. I wanted to buy something new but I don't really have money. I saw a lovely outfit, maybe my size and not too expensive. I was going to order it but if it doesn't fit I can't return it!  The dress and jacket I have are nice, I bought them a few years ago but have only worn them two or three times. I'm hoping that having them cleaned will make them feel fresh and new! If not I still have time to buy something else.

I thought that I would just hand over the clothes and get a ticket to pick them up. Of course not, that would be too easy. The staff started talking about a member's card and how I could get different discounts. I have a few heavy blankets and futons that need to be cleaned, so I decided to get the member's card. This involved filling out a form, which Christopher did for me!  One problem is remembering our new address, we are still having problems with that!

This was outside the cleaners.

Interesting sign

I hope they don't make my clothes white!!!

Next stop was the bank. I needed to change my address, get a new cash card, and find out why my debit card wasn't working.

Changing my address was easy enough.  Getting a new cash card, not too bad. But the debit card was a nightmare. I tried to use it on Amazon but it got rejected. Turns out that there was no money in the bank. I didn't use this bank very much, I had another bank that took care of paying the rent, everything else I used cash for!  When the staff checked my account it turns out that I used the debit card to pay for something monthly back in 2020 and 2021. But I have no idea what. Maybe some subscription. The staff advised me to call the debit card company. Problem is that they can only give information to me and I'm even worse on the phone!  Need to figure something out for that.

The last place was city hall. Mikey and I get a bit of money from the city for the volunteer class we do, I think it's to cover travel expenses. We had to give them my banking information so the money can be paid straight into the bank. That was quick. 

I'm glad that these things are finished.  No a lot to do but took most of the afternoon.

Tomorrow is Hannah's graduation. It's going to be a long day! I'm looking forward to seeing her graduate but wondering if I'll survive being out all day!  The hall opens at 9:30, the ceremony starts at 10:30, and finishes at about 12:50.  Hannah has to go back to her university to change out of her hakama, then she'll go home to get ready for the evening. Christopher and I will get lunch then go to the city where I have a class and wait for Mikey to pick us up.  Teaching finishes at 9:30pm on Tuesday!  Just writing that has made me feel tired!

Cute cat photo. Sam looked cold so he got covered!

Ageing

Listening to my hairdresser the other day has given me a lot to ponder! At 76, she is still healthy, able to work, and excited to learn new things! I'm 14 years younger but already feel like my time to do new things is finished.

So where have I gotten this idea that in my 60s I'm finished and just waiting around to die?

Part of it might be my background. Growing up in the UK we were told that women retire at 60. The feeling I got was that a woman's usefulness finished at 60. I know that some women enjoyed their retirement but from the people around me retirement was a time of financial struggle and not having much hope for anything better. I guess working-class Britain was like that in the 1970s!

So that is part of my thinking! Negative stereotypes that I grew up with!

But there must be more to it than that!  I know that images, and experiences that we have from childhood shape our thinking but the depth of feeling that I have about my life being over at 60 is more than that!

When we were told that we had to leave the other house I remember clearly thinking that I was too old to start again. That I would be too old to deal with the stress and physical work of moving and living here!  That it wouldn't be worth the effort to remodel the house as I wouldn't be around to enjoy it!

I think part of that thinking wasn't just about growing old but more to do with my negative mind set. My constant feeling of lack, that I don't have enough time, energy or money to enjoy things. That instead of living in gratitude for what I have, I live in despair for what I don't have or can't get!

Listening to my hairdresser made me realize that we have to ability to change ourselves, to be more than we were before, and that I'm letting myself and my kids down by thinking I'm too old, too fat, too sick, or too poor to do anything! I know she had a hard time a few years back, her husband got sick,  but she has managed to keep her business going, and more than that she is finding ways to learn new things and has a feeling of excitement for that.

I have 3 ages. The age I think I am, in my 30s, the age my body feels like most days, in my 90s, and my real age of 62!  So I need to make my body feel closer to my real age and tell my brain to stop making grandiose plans that I can't do. I want to learn new things, to stretch myself mentally, to find confidence in my own ability. When I was talking to Hannah about this she said I should learn Japanese. Which is true but feels like a chore! I want to try something artistic. I saw on Facebook a group for coloring, it looks like coloring is a popular hobby so I might start there!

Today has been another rainy day! Even the cats are not chasing around so much. Mama, Alan, and Toast are curled up on the sofa, keeping warm! It really is a cat's life!

Cat's life!!

I have to go and wash dishes, and get the kitchen cleaned. That's something that hasn't changed, no matter where I live or how old I am there will always be dishes!

When I was searching about ageing I came across this quote, which about sums it up!

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." – Mark Twain