A Day Off

 Today is a national holiday, National Foundation Day. This holiday commemorates the legendary founding of Japan. It marks the ascension of Emperor Jimmu to the throne in 660 BC.

I'm not sure why, but we couldn't use the community centre today, maybe there's some event for the holiday. So no classes! I know I'm not teaching that much, but having an extra day off feels very special!

The past few days have been extremely cold, so cold that the only way to do any chores in the house would be to wear a coat and gloves, so I gave up. This morning was slightly warmer, but it was pouring down with rain. I managed to get a few things done. I hope to finish tomorrow!

This afternoon, I gave myself permission to have a nice, relaxing, cosy afternoon. Just me, a cup of cocoa, a few books and Sam, who has decided that my bed is his!

Sam on my bed.

I always think that I have to earn my day! That I have to do something useful to contribute to the home, either by working and bringing in money, or by keeping house or cooking.

I feel guilty if I take time for myself to do nothing that helps others. I feel guilty asking the kids to pay for things, even though they live here, use the power, gas, water and eat the food. I should be able to provide for them. I've come to realise that that is no longer realistic. Once we open our English school here, I hope that I can get some students, so I can teach as well. I enjoy it if I'm not burnt out. To make enough to live and save to improve this house, we need to make about 30,0000 yen a month, about £1450. That's about 40 students, I couldn't teach that many myself.  

Today I gave myself a good talking to and decided that guilt tripping myself because I want to have a nice afternoon isn't helping me. I just get more stressed, end up pushing myself to do more things, make myself miserable and even more tired! I've worked for 35 years, I don't have a pension or savings (long story on both of those issues). I worked right after each child was born, I went back to work a couple of weeks after Hisao died, and I even went back to work the day after I got out of the hospital after having a mastectomy. I think I should allow myself to take things a bit easy!

I'm glad I had today, I'm glad I could read and doze. That I could play with the cats. Maybe these small down times are what growing old is all about.

Tomorrow is trying to figure out what to do with the doors to the tatami room that the cats have destroyed. I'm hoping we can fix them ourselves, as a professional job is very expensive.