I remember the first few days after my husband died longing for time to pass. I thought that with each passing day that I would feel better and the pain would not be so awful to bear! But here I am 3 years and 4 months later and it still hurts! Not all the time but enough of the time. Insomnia doesn't help and dealing with stress makes things hard. Life is not dramatic, no great dramas going on. Hannah refuses school but I can cope with that, we need more money but that is nothing new, the house and yard are a disaster but if I get off my lazy butt things would be okay. But somehow it all seems too much. I miss Hisao, his had a calm attitude that helped me to focus. He would constantly tell me that worry doesn't change things. One of his favorite sayings was "If by worrying you can change things then you should worry all the time"
Last night was awful. I woke up at 3am and couldn't sleep again, just lay there thinking and missing Hisao. In the end I came down stairs and just sat and cried.
I try to focus on the good things in my life, my kids and good friends who keep me going! But today is just hard!
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| Hisao and Hannah about 9 years ago |
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