On Being Loved

Shortly after my husband died I joined an online community for widows and widowers!  I don't post very often but I do read what other people have to say.  These people really understand.  Over the Valentines Day holiday many people wrote about how lonely they felt, no cards or flowers to celebrate their love.  One post stood out for me.  A woman wrote that she felt that life was really to short to sit around pinning, that she felt blessed by the love of her family and friends, that she had been loved by a wonderful man.
When I thought about her letter I realised that this is a very good way to think about things.  I tend to get to be rather self pitying, poor me, my hubby died, I live in Japan, am struggling everyday with doing I what I need to do.  But if I stop and think about it why poor me?  I was loved and cared for.  I knew a love that many people only dream of.  Hubby and I were not perfect, we had incredible fights, we very often didn't see eye to eye on things.  But I was never afraid that our fights would mean the end of our marriage.  I knew that no matter how hard things got, how much we fought we loved each other.  And I know that I am very lucky to have experienced that.   Do I miss hubby, yes, everyday, every second of everyday.  But I need to be able to move forward, to let the love we share fuel me to do the things I need to do.  Will I never have a day when I would spend ALL Day in bed than face the world?  Of course not, grief is really a  roller coaster but I feel the dips aren't as dark or deep as they were even a few weeks ago.  I know that hubby loved life, loved me and the kids and I want to honor him and the only way to do that is live and love.  I feel that is what he would want me to do!

On a lighter note I asked Mikey to take me to the big Aeon Mall near here.  They have a small shop that sells imported food, not a great selection but they have herbal tea.  I love tea, ordinary everyday day tea but I got into the habit of wanting a cup of tea and some sort of snack in the evening when I finish work.  To stop that I decided to drink herb tea.  It helps. so a few nights a week I have herb tea and no snacks!