My Blog

I started this blog as a way to share about my life in Japan.  I was hoping to share the crazy things we do, both my family and the rather strange culture that is Japan.  But after my husbands death I am finding that all my time is spent either crying or trying not to cry.  I have read some blogs by other widows and have found great comfort in the fact that I am not alone on this terrible journey.  But I don't know if I want to put out in cyber space all the raw and ugly emotions that go with the grief process.  So what to blog about when all I think about is how upside down my life is now and how this new normal is not normal and never will be normal?
Well one constant thing in my life are my kids.  They are the reason I crawl out of bed in the morning!
Mikey,  my eldest, is just 21.  He has had to step up and help out with everything!!  There is so much that has to be done,  so much paper work and forms that I can't read.  Also he is working part time, he has to get his drivers license, so he is saving as much as possible.
David is driving me crazy.  He has the same sense of humor as my husband!!  Loves to play jokes on people, most of the time it's okay but sometimes he can get really under peoples skin.  He decided to decorate some tangerines the other day!

hiding

I"m going to eat you

A lost comrade

Tangerine Man?

But he is also a good boy!  He does the dishes, puts laundry in and goes to the shop without being asked!
Christopher is working very hard for his high school tests. Poor kid has to study every day.  I hope he is doing okay because I have no idea how to help him. 
And of course Hannah, who has become my shadow, is being very sweet and brave.  My Mom died when I was 42 and had been away from home since I was 18.  But her death left a void in my heart that I thought would never be filled or healed.  How much more difficult for a 10 year old kid!!  That breaks my heart.  She is having a hard time with one of her friends.  Her friend is a nice girl but rather strong and Hannah is feeling very vulnerable at the moment.  She needs to be with people who can support her and offer some sympathy! Not with kids who just want to whine and be bossy.  I walked to school with Hannah this morning, but when we got to school she couldn't go in!!  So we came home!!   We are lucky that the teachers are understanding and won't push her too much but rather try to support her!!
For me, tears, more tears, screaming and shouting at the unfairness of it all.  But I have so many memories of my hubby, he tried so hard to make me happy, but that was almost impossible!!! 
When I think back I can see that we had a great life, I just wish we could of had more time together!!