2013

So a new year and for us a new life!

We were totally unprepared for my husbands death.  Even a month later it feels unreal.
I keep thinking that he will walk through the door any moment, asking me what I'm doing.

I should of written this before but couldn't.  Hubby's funeral was very beautiful.  Mikey and David with help from hubby's good friends arranged everything.  David got rather upset with the funeral home guy, he was pushing to have all these fancy things.  But we stuck to our guns.  The funeral was held at home, for the kids that was easier than going to some strange place.  It also gave us time to be alone with the body, to say goodbye on our own after everybody left.  The funeral home did a beautiful job in changing the room I use for teaching. 
 This is the room we used,looks nice


The picture we used, I didn't change the clothes, hubby never wore a suit and tie, this is how I remember him              

 The funeral was beautiful and simple.  We didn't have the Buddhist priest.  That was one thing hubby said he never wanted.  He felt that the priests, at lest in his experience, were out to make money, not caring or helping the grieving family. So we had a prayer, some hymns and some  of my husbands friends talked about him.  Then we offered flowers and incense.  Nice and simple.  I was shocked that so many people came, over 50 that day and over the next few days over a 100 people stopped by to pay respects. 
The next day was the cremation.  I stayed home with Hannah and Christopher, there are somethings that I just can't do and seeing the skeleton remains of my beloved is one of them.


The next few days went by in a blur.  As I wrote we got through Christmas, then going to high school for Christopher. Hannah and I got the flu, which knocked us about for 2 days.  Mikey got sick as well but he wouldn't go to the doctor. 
New year came and went.  Kids went back to school.  I am so proud of all my kids, they have handled this very well.  Christopher is in the last term of junior high school and has entrance tests coming up.  The first two days back at school he had tests.  I honestly thought he wouldn't do very well.  But he got the best marks ever and out of over 200 students in his year he ranked 42nd. 

So my new life.  Not the one I want but sometimes we have no choice in things and this is one of them.  One thing I know is that my hubby really loved me.  Sure we had our fights and problems, but nothing major.  Hubby would go to any length to make me happy.  I wanted more time with just him,  I love my kids but was looking forward to empty nest and just me and hubby time.  Now......not looking forward at all.
I get through this day and the next but no plans, no dreams for the future. Maybe as the intense pain I feel lessens (if it ever does) I can start looking forward again. 
Sorry this is rambling and the pictures didn't get put in properly.