What a Life

I am still recovering from my operation.  I feel okay most of the time but can't really
stretch out my right arm. The kids call it my T-rex arm.
Just to add to difficulties David had his wallet stolen this afternoon!
He had to go to the ATM to pay for our cell phones, after that he went to
a DVD/bookstore to get a DVD.  While he was getting a new card somebody stole
his wallet.  At first he thought he might have dropped it so he told the shop
staff.  They had a look round but also checked the CCTV.  Sure enough there on the
tape is somebody putting David's wallet in their bag!  There wasn't so much money in it
but all his IDs and his debit card was inside.  He has called the bank to stop the debit card.
The store called a few minutes ago and told David to go to the police station, so Mikey has
just taken him!  I hope they get the person!
I really need something good to happen in my life.  I am so tired of bad things happening!

Japanese Hospital Stay

I was in hospital from May 31st to June 7th, just one week!
The experience wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  From when the doctor
told me I had to go into hospital until the operation I did nothing but cry!
I just couldn't stop!  I was afraid, the idea of having a tube put down my throat
scared me, the idea of the anesthetic scared me.  I worried about pain management
after the operation.  Also leaving my kids (who are really young adults but still my
kids) worried me!  I was a total wreck emotionally, I was still in shock over the diagnosis
and here I was going in for major surgery!

But the reality was so much better than I imagined.  Of course surgery wasn't nice but the
doctor and staff were really kind and didn't tut at my fears! They went out of their way to make me feel comfortable!  Pain management was really good, I actually had no pain at the surgery
site, where they placed the I.V.drip was more painful!  Food was okay. Hannah said that
it looked like the school lunches that she had!  My rooms mated made me smile!  I didn't
talk to them so much, just greetings but got to listen to their chatter!  All older ladies so
most of their conversation were about constipation and adult nappies!

All in all my experience wasn't too bad!  Boredom was the worst thing.  I am so glad that
I had my Ipad and kindle with me.  Downloaded some movies and TV programs from
Netflix.  Read at least 4 books as well!

I am still rather a wreck, it is a lot to process and the quickness of everything has left my head
spinning a bit.  Also I want to do things, give the house a good clean, do the garden etc but
am still rather weak!  Have do things bit by bit!

Back Home

So I had the operation on June 1st.  Not too bad! I downloaded a load of
movies onto my Ipad to help pass the time!  Before the operation I was an
emotional mess, just crying and so wanting to run away!  I was not afraid of the
operation, more the anaesthesia.  The thought of being intubated scared me!
so I took a sleeping tablet and watched a movie.  But I think the choice of movie
was not a good one, it was about Anne Boleyn, the last scene was her walking up
to the platform to be executed!  The next morning I was wheeled down to the theater.
David and Hannah were at the hospital with me, they were left in a nice family room to wait.
I was taken into the theater and greeted by the doctors and nurses!  I walked to the
operating table, my thoughts were a complete mess, I don't want to do this, how can I
run away!  Got to the table, which is rather high, the nurse points to a step and tells
me to step up.  The scene from the movie flashes into my mind, this is how it ended
for Anne Boleyn!  Not helping my poor nerves at all.  But I don't remember much from that
point!  I felt a slight pinch in my arm and the next thing I was being woken up with the
nurse saying it's all over!

I stayed in hospital for a week.  Lots of stories to tell but at the moment not feeling 100%.
As I feel better I will write more!

Good, Bad and Oh Bother

I went back on Monday for an MRI and CT scan!
MRI's are not nice at all!  The noise is awful and I had to lie on my stomach for
almost an hour, not comfortable at all.  The CT scan was better, very quick but
I had some liquid put in to help with contrast, not a big thing but it makes one hot, really
hot.  In the MRI it went through slowly, I ended up sweating like crazy!  The CT scan was
another thing altogether!  Because the CT is quick the medicine went through very fast!
I felt like boiling water had been poured on the back of neck and stomach!

The good is that the cancer is only in the breast!  It hasn't spread, which is a great relief!
The bad is that I will have a full mastectomy, major operation!
And oh bother is that I am going in to hospital today, the operation is
scheduled for tomorrow!
I spent all Monday night crying and most of Tuesday!  I really don't want this to happen but I also don't want cancer!  I keep telling myself that this time next week it will all be over!
I'll update when I can.
Wish me luck!

Resigned, Worried,Scared

that is how my mind is going at the moment!
I tell myself not to worry, that this just the first diagnosis.
That I  won't know any more until Monday.
But then the "What ifs" kick in!
What if the cancer has moved!  I tell myself that would be
awful and rather more worrying.  But most cancers are operable! That treatment
has advanced.
But of course my mind does not stop there!  Another "What if".
What if it is terminal. What if it is the brain, what if I have just weeks to live!
Then the tears come.  Not for me but for my kids! I might not be the
best of mothers I am all that they have!  Then I get really scared!
I try to tell myself not to worry, it doesn't help.  But I am too scared to have hope
as well.  I had hoped that the lump would be nothing!
This week has turned out to be very long.  As much as I am dreading Monday I
wish it was over and done with!

Big C!!!! Yep, it's Cancer

So my worse fear has come to pass!
I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Monday!
I've had a biopsy and am waiting for results and more tests!
I'll be glad when the waiting is over! Do doctors know how hard it
is to wait?  Every ache or twinge I wonder if that is a sign of the
cancer in a different area.
My mind is in over drive of all the things that could happen!
I know that people recover from this.  My Mom did and she didn't have
the most healthy of lifestyles!  She still smoked and her eating wasn't all that great.  I've checked about what to eat, have stopped sugar, started to drink green tea and eat a lot of fish, veggies and fruit!

One of my worries is cost. Insurance will cover the basics but I might need to
buy somethings from the UK or USA.  Also not working while in hospital, how
to cover that. This is one draw back of working for yourself.  Maybe I'll set up a go fund me page!

This blog might become my ranting place!

HOT

The weather has gone hot, very hot!  Too hot for my liking!
The average for May in northern Kyushu is between !%C to 23C (59F to 73F).
Today was about 30C (about 86F).  That is too hot, too early!  Unlike England, once the heat starts
it stays and the temperature just rises and rises. Last summer it was up 37C in July and August (about 98F). The worst part is the humidity, some days up to 90%, the air feels wet and it is difficult to breath!  I am not looking forward to summer!

This week is mid term tests for high schools in this area!  Nobody is very happy about the tests.  Hannah has 3 days of tests, 6 subjects.  The one good thing is that the tests are in the morning so students can go home after and have the afternoon and evening free to study for the next day!  Most of the tests are mark sheets or putting in the correct word.  There are very few essay type questions, so it really is a case of memorizes the textbooks.  This time is not too difficult for Hannah as it is more a review of junior high school subjects. But she really struggles with science and math!  Plus she has a new subject, bookkeeping!  All I can say is "Good Luck"