Resigned, Worried,Scared

that is how my mind is going at the moment!
I tell myself not to worry, that this just the first diagnosis.
That I  won't know any more until Monday.
But then the "What ifs" kick in!
What if the cancer has moved!  I tell myself that would be
awful and rather more worrying.  But most cancers are operable! That treatment
has advanced.
But of course my mind does not stop there!  Another "What if".
What if it is terminal. What if it is the brain, what if I have just weeks to live!
Then the tears come.  Not for me but for my kids! I might not be the
best of mothers I am all that they have!  Then I get really scared!
I try to tell myself not to worry, it doesn't help.  But I am too scared to have hope
as well.  I had hoped that the lump would be nothing!
This week has turned out to be very long.  As much as I am dreading Monday I
wish it was over and done with!