My friend came by yesterday and took me shopping. I am so grateful to all my dear friends, both in real life and online. My dear friend who takes me shopping really gets where I'm at. Her husband passed away 15 years ago. She really understands that even a simple thing as buying a steam cleaner is not that simple. That's what I bought yesterday. I had one before but it got dropped and broke. I've been wanting a new one for ages but kept putting it off. Then last week I noticed a build up of mold that even the strongest bleach wasn't moving and the only thing I could think of to do was buy a steam cleaner, So we went to a home center store and I stood there looking at the limited choice of steam cleaners, big size or small size. I stood and thought, thought about what my husband would say ( something along the lines of "lets check online first"). I stood and thought some more, do I really need this? Yes, Can I really afford this? Kind of if I am a bit more careful with running the air conditioner. Should I buy it today or wait for another time? Through all this my friend was quiet, she understood that this was not an easy decision and that I needed time to think things through. In the end I bought the steam cleaner. I am very grateful to my friend for driving for me and helping me to buy what I need.
The bit of gardening was this morning. I don't really enjoy gardening. I like it when it looks nice or when we have grown some nice vegetables but the process is hard. I have a hard time with any kind of insects, anything that creeps or crawls has me screaming my head off, gives the kids a good laugh. This morning I got up early and went out to cut the front hedge, it has been looking awful. David came and helped. So the front looks a lot a better. The back needs a really good clean up but that will have to wait for another day.
Mikey is still away on his driving course. He passed his first test on Friday and will have his drivers test this coming Friday, I really hopes he passes. We need a car and driver. I have already planned out where I want to go shopping. I'm going to need a lot more money!
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Too Hot
I am really having a hard time with the heat!!
It is hot every day and the nights don't get all that cool. Even now at 7pm it is still 33C. I am running the air conditioner in the main room but the other rooms are unbearable.
And cooking is killing. The kitchen is part of the main room but the air conditioner doesn't reach that far. I am trying to make things that are healthy and cooling. The kids seem to have appetite, I don't. I am happy with toast and fruits but the kids want meat or fish. So I try to cook something. Shopping is also hard. I get somethings from the Co-op delivery service but with the kids on summer holidays I have to prepare two full meals a day. Today I bought sushi for dinner, with some salad and rice balls it filled the kids up. I have a load of fruit and some snack bread for a bit later when the kids start with "I'm hungry"
All I want to do is sleep, is this normal? I am so tired all the time. Even the most basic of chores seems to exhaust me. I am hoping that once the weather cools down this will pass!! I have too much to do!
It is hot every day and the nights don't get all that cool. Even now at 7pm it is still 33C. I am running the air conditioner in the main room but the other rooms are unbearable.
And cooking is killing. The kitchen is part of the main room but the air conditioner doesn't reach that far. I am trying to make things that are healthy and cooling. The kids seem to have appetite, I don't. I am happy with toast and fruits but the kids want meat or fish. So I try to cook something. Shopping is also hard. I get somethings from the Co-op delivery service but with the kids on summer holidays I have to prepare two full meals a day. Today I bought sushi for dinner, with some salad and rice balls it filled the kids up. I have a load of fruit and some snack bread for a bit later when the kids start with "I'm hungry"
All I want to do is sleep, is this normal? I am so tired all the time. Even the most basic of chores seems to exhaust me. I am hoping that once the weather cools down this will pass!! I have too much to do!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
August
I can't believe that the first week of August has past. Time really flies.
The last weekend of July Christopher got really sick. 39C fever for 24 hours. Nothing I could do broke his fever, so off to the doctor. Turns out that he had a virus of some kind. Doped up with medicine he returned to your usual self. Wish I was so lucky! I have had the most awful summer cold for the past week. At the moment my ears are blocked and driving me crazy.
Summer holidays are well under way. We went to a mall last week. Treated ourselves to an all you can eat buffet. Lots of laughs, lots of fun! Mikey bought himself some nice clothes and sandles. he has been away since last Saturday at a driving school. I really hope he passes his test as we need a driver!
Kids are watching some daft ghost programme on TV, I guess Hannah won't go upstairs by herself.
The last weekend of July Christopher got really sick. 39C fever for 24 hours. Nothing I could do broke his fever, so off to the doctor. Turns out that he had a virus of some kind. Doped up with medicine he returned to your usual self. Wish I was so lucky! I have had the most awful summer cold for the past week. At the moment my ears are blocked and driving me crazy.
Summer holidays are well under way. We went to a mall last week. Treated ourselves to an all you can eat buffet. Lots of laughs, lots of fun! Mikey bought himself some nice clothes and sandles. he has been away since last Saturday at a driving school. I really hope he passes his test as we need a driver!
Kids are watching some daft ghost programme on TV, I guess Hannah won't go upstairs by herself.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Yes I am still alive
But only just!
Not sure why I haven't been posting. Life is still as crazy as ever.
Last week the dog went strange. She has always been a bit weird but last week she really freaked me out. She wouldn't eat or drink, I gave her some bits of meat, tried some ice cubes, even her favorite bread was ignored. She then spent the afternoon walking in circles and barking at nothing. She walk to a spot, sniff around and look at something ( that I couldn't see) then start barking. This went on for an hour. In the afternoons when it is really hot she gets under the bushes where it is cooler. But not that day. Finally I asked Christopher to put inside. Our house has a large living, dinning kitchen area. This is where we tend to hang out as the air conditioner is on. Christopher tied the dog to the dinning table. She stayed there for about two hours, she cooled down a lot. After a quick walk she went back outside, ate and drank okay.
Today Christopher is sick. He had a 38.5 fever. I think his bedroom was too hot last night. Poor kid, he is my bed at the moment with the air conditioner on. Hope he gets better as I really don't want to go to the doctors with him.
The other kids are alright. The summer holidays have started, that means summer homework. Hannah has already finished one of the workbooks for her homework. She has a lot to do but she doesn't complain too much about doing it and does some everyday. Christopher also has loads to do, but he complains about doing it. I always feel it's too much for the kids, I can understand giving the kids some homework but the amount they get here is rather crazy!!
Mikey and David are doing fine. Next week Mikey goes to Kumamoto for 2 weeks driving camp. I really hope he can pass his drivers test, we need a driver and a car!!
David is doing most of the shopping for me. I try to get to the local store but the heat makes me really sick. I also order some things from the Co-op delivery service but my kids seem to be constantly hungry!! I don't know how they can eat but they can!
As for me!
I've been rather down and extremely tired. I do get exhausted from the heat, this is a problem I face every year. But this year it seems to be worse. Maybe the combination of grief, allergies and heat have really knocked me about. I am not sleeping properly, I haven't used the air conditioner at night so I doze off but wake up an hour later soaking wet with sweat. It is not that hot in my room but the humidity is far too high. I am so tired some nights that I am falling asleep watching TV, something that I never did before!
I will try and update more!
Not sure why I haven't been posting. Life is still as crazy as ever.
Last week the dog went strange. She has always been a bit weird but last week she really freaked me out. She wouldn't eat or drink, I gave her some bits of meat, tried some ice cubes, even her favorite bread was ignored. She then spent the afternoon walking in circles and barking at nothing. She walk to a spot, sniff around and look at something ( that I couldn't see) then start barking. This went on for an hour. In the afternoons when it is really hot she gets under the bushes where it is cooler. But not that day. Finally I asked Christopher to put inside. Our house has a large living, dinning kitchen area. This is where we tend to hang out as the air conditioner is on. Christopher tied the dog to the dinning table. She stayed there for about two hours, she cooled down a lot. After a quick walk she went back outside, ate and drank okay.
Today Christopher is sick. He had a 38.5 fever. I think his bedroom was too hot last night. Poor kid, he is my bed at the moment with the air conditioner on. Hope he gets better as I really don't want to go to the doctors with him.
The other kids are alright. The summer holidays have started, that means summer homework. Hannah has already finished one of the workbooks for her homework. She has a lot to do but she doesn't complain too much about doing it and does some everyday. Christopher also has loads to do, but he complains about doing it. I always feel it's too much for the kids, I can understand giving the kids some homework but the amount they get here is rather crazy!!
Mikey and David are doing fine. Next week Mikey goes to Kumamoto for 2 weeks driving camp. I really hope he can pass his drivers test, we need a driver and a car!!
David is doing most of the shopping for me. I try to get to the local store but the heat makes me really sick. I also order some things from the Co-op delivery service but my kids seem to be constantly hungry!! I don't know how they can eat but they can!
As for me!
I've been rather down and extremely tired. I do get exhausted from the heat, this is a problem I face every year. But this year it seems to be worse. Maybe the combination of grief, allergies and heat have really knocked me about. I am not sleeping properly, I haven't used the air conditioner at night so I doze off but wake up an hour later soaking wet with sweat. It is not that hot in my room but the humidity is far too high. I am so tired some nights that I am falling asleep watching TV, something that I never did before!
I will try and update more!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Not feeling so good
So much for going cold turkey and getting all healthy!!! I have spent the past couple of weeks in bed. Started as allergies, turned into a cold, now back to allergies with a lovely cough to go with it. I can't believe how exhausting this has been. And of course this week is seeing record highs, up to 35C yesterday and today. That makes me feel awful as well, just no energy, no desire to do anything! Even the most basic of chores takes a load of energy.
Tomorrow I have to push myself to clean the kitchen, the base cabinets and the pantry need a good clean. This evening I was watching TV when a massive cockroach flew out of the kitchen. The thing was a good 2inches long, it flew at the curtain, right where I was sitting. My reaction is a lot of screaming and jumping around. David managed to spray the thing but we don't know where it went to. As I'm writing this I keep looking around, these things really scare me!!
David just walked past making a buzzing sound, my heart stopped, he is laughing himself silly now.
Good news I lost 2kgs but put back half a kilo. It's a start!!
Tomorrow I have to push myself to clean the kitchen, the base cabinets and the pantry need a good clean. This evening I was watching TV when a massive cockroach flew out of the kitchen. The thing was a good 2inches long, it flew at the curtain, right where I was sitting. My reaction is a lot of screaming and jumping around. David managed to spray the thing but we don't know where it went to. As I'm writing this I keep looking around, these things really scare me!!
David just walked past making a buzzing sound, my heart stopped, he is laughing himself silly now.
Good news I lost 2kgs but put back half a kilo. It's a start!!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Going Cold Turkey
I have to stop eating sweets, snack breads, chocolate, cookies, cakes, anything with sugar in. I thought I could cut down, be careful but I am all or nothing. I can't have one cookie or one piece of cake, I want more. So I have to stop all together. Tough but at the moment my weight is making me ill. I have a strange lump on the back of my thigh. it is kind of painful. I am wondering what it is and if I need to go to a doctor. I am hoping that by loosing some weight it will go, looks like a lump of fat. Started when I was sitting funny on my chair, the edge of the chair dug into my leg and caused this pain. I'm also so tired ALL the time, I sleep okay, but never feel refreshed when I wake up. My days are unfocused and even the very simple jobs I have to do sap all my energy!
So going cold turkey. Not going to be easy but no choice. I lost 1kg but gained back half kilo. I need to loose each month, each week would be the best.
Wish me luck, there will be many posts about how hard and awful this!!!!
So going cold turkey. Not going to be easy but no choice. I lost 1kg but gained back half kilo. I need to loose each month, each week would be the best.
Wish me luck, there will be many posts about how hard and awful this!!!!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Six Months
Today is six months since hubby passed away. Six very long, hard months. Looking back I am surprised at how much got done! Dealt with banks, credit card company's, post office accounts and sorting out welfare. Got through Christmas, New Years and two January birthdays. All of that is a bit fuzzy, I think I was in shock. One thing that really helped during that time was a couple of very good friends, one in Japan and one in UK. My friend here came and drove us around, took us to a restaurant for the boys birthday and lent me a shoulder to cry on. My UK friend sent me an email everyday, some days the thought of that email waiting in my inbox is the only thing that got me out of bed. To those two dear friends, I really don't have words to describe how deeply grateful I am to them, they kept me going when all I wanted to do is stop.
As the first shock lifted I realised that there were so many things to be done. Christopher graduated Junior High School and got into High School. Never thought that I could deal with that, Mikey has been a real god send,. He has spent hours filling out forms and dealing with people who don't seem to understand that when a person dies suddenly they don't have time to pass on information such as passwords or PIN numbers. David became my goofer, he shops for me and helps a lot around the house. Last Sunday I came down at 9am, David had cleaned the living room, done the dishes and laundry!
Hannah's birthday in May was hard. Hisao always made a big fuss for her birthday. We celebrate the fact that she is alive, she was born extremely premature and only had a 30% chance of surviving! Every year Hisao would tell us the story of how he changed his mind at the last second and came home instead of his first plan of gaping to the cell phone company to change his phone. If he had then he wouldn't of been back in time to get me to the hospital. Hannah's life is a miracle made up of little things!!
The next thing that had to be done was getting rid of the car. That was harder than I thought it would be. It's only a car but it held so many memories. But if I hold onto everything that hold memories of Hisao I would never be able to let go of anything!
Externally things have progressed. On an emotional level I am not so sure. I am not sitting on the kitchen floor screaming my head off any more but tears are always close by. I just miss hubby so much. I miss his daftness, his smile, his calm wisdom, his love that he showed the kids, his belief in the future. The way he knew how to win me over. One very strong memory I have is a fight we had. This was a few years ago and I really don't remember what we were fighting about. Hisao went out and came back with a "Jackie Pack", DVD, diet coke, chocolate and chips. I was still sulky when he came back but when he handed over the Jackie Pack I cheered up. David was watching this and said in an innocent way "So that is how to win a fight with your wife" And Hisao always won the fights!!!
I have been looking at photos the past few days to see if I can find some that show who he really was. Enjoy!
I hope the next six months pass just as well, that we have no more major stress.
As the first shock lifted I realised that there were so many things to be done. Christopher graduated Junior High School and got into High School. Never thought that I could deal with that, Mikey has been a real god send,. He has spent hours filling out forms and dealing with people who don't seem to understand that when a person dies suddenly they don't have time to pass on information such as passwords or PIN numbers. David became my goofer, he shops for me and helps a lot around the house. Last Sunday I came down at 9am, David had cleaned the living room, done the dishes and laundry!
Hannah's birthday in May was hard. Hisao always made a big fuss for her birthday. We celebrate the fact that she is alive, she was born extremely premature and only had a 30% chance of surviving! Every year Hisao would tell us the story of how he changed his mind at the last second and came home instead of his first plan of gaping to the cell phone company to change his phone. If he had then he wouldn't of been back in time to get me to the hospital. Hannah's life is a miracle made up of little things!!
The next thing that had to be done was getting rid of the car. That was harder than I thought it would be. It's only a car but it held so many memories. But if I hold onto everything that hold memories of Hisao I would never be able to let go of anything!
Externally things have progressed. On an emotional level I am not so sure. I am not sitting on the kitchen floor screaming my head off any more but tears are always close by. I just miss hubby so much. I miss his daftness, his smile, his calm wisdom, his love that he showed the kids, his belief in the future. The way he knew how to win me over. One very strong memory I have is a fight we had. This was a few years ago and I really don't remember what we were fighting about. Hisao went out and came back with a "Jackie Pack", DVD, diet coke, chocolate and chips. I was still sulky when he came back but when he handed over the Jackie Pack I cheered up. David was watching this and said in an innocent way "So that is how to win a fight with your wife" And Hisao always won the fights!!!
I have been looking at photos the past few days to see if I can find some that show who he really was. Enjoy!
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| The day we got the car |
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| My birthday, few years ago |
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| Space World, 9 years ago |
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| Typical Hisao, sleepy at the computer |
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| With Mikey |
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| With Christopher, Hannah and Mikey, 4 years ago |
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| with David |
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