Hisao's Birthday

 Hisao would have been 65 today!

I miss him all the time, but on birthdays and holidays I feel his absence more intensely.

I've been wondering what our lives would be like if Hisao hadn't died. Would we still be living here or would we have kept the house in the next city? Would David have gone to a good university? Would Christopher have gone to the high school he wanted to go to?

So many questions, no answers.

This morning I was alone in the house. I really didn't like the feeling of being by myself. I know that's my future. I hope that David and Christopher will one day get married and have their own families. That would leave me here, by myself. I'm alright with that; it's the natural order of things. Kids grow up and move on with their lives, but the thought of being alone is so sad. 

I used to imagine growing old with Hisao; I used to imagine going on trips with him, visiting all these interesting places in Japan. Finding things to do together. Hisao said once that he wanted to build a little hut on the land that we have further up the mountain, he dreamed of having a little cabin to go to paint. He was a good artist, but after we had kids, he didn't have time or space to paint.

Hisao with his painting.

In high school, Hisao joined the art club. The painting in the picture was one that he did at that time. It was displayed in the local art museum. He was always very proud of that! I wonder what he would think of AI creating art?

I found a few more photos of Hisao.

With Mikey, I still have those cushions!

Christmas in the UK.

With Mikey and David

With all of the kids!

I usually make a nice lunch on birthdays; however, I'm still struggling with my allergies. I feel a lot better than yesterday, but not 100%. I made an obento and breakfast this morning; it usually takes less than 30 minutes to make, but this morning it took over an hour. I had to keep stopping to wipe my nose or to sneeze. I went through four packets of tissues yesterday! 

I think this week I'm going to be playing catch-up with all the chores that need to be done, plus I have a hospital appointment on Wednesday. It's my yearly check-up for cancer and to check my numbers for diabetes. It's going to be a long morning. None of the tests are painful (except the mammogram), but it's a lot of waiting around. At least I can get test results in about an hour! I'll have to find a good book to read!