One Year

Today is exactly one year since my husband passed away.
It's hard to believe that a year has gone past.  I didn't think I could get through one day let alone one year.  I miss him everyday.  I go to bed wishing that time could be reversed and that awful day had never happened.  I wake up wishing he was here, to tell me his silly jokes, just to give me one last hug.  To tell me that he loves me and that I am beautiful, even when I feel like crap.  He was part of my life for 25 years, for half of my life he walked with me.  Now I am alone but not too lonely.  The kids keep me going.
This past year has seen a lot of changes.  Christopher finished junior high and entered high school, Mikey took charge of our English school and got his drivers license, David has stepped up and helped a lot in the house, Hannah has grown up a lot as well.  We have had adventures. Got on the train to Fukuoka, to the big shopping mall and to the big city near here.  I learnt a lot about Japanese banks, post offices and the kindness of strangers at the city hall.  I also realised how much my husband protected me from the not so nice side of Japan.  I lived 21 years in a bubble, my husband took all responsibility for our money, for the kids school, for dealing with all the red tape that goes with living here.  I was shocked to find that even the smallest of task took so long and was often frustrated by the silly things I had to go through just to change bank accounts or get my name on the rent agreement!
One good thing that has come out of all this heart break is that my kids have really grown up this past year.  The older boys no longer have the luxury of messing around, they have become very serious to help out and have made decisions about the running of our English school.  Sometimes I have stepped back and let them make the decisions.  Part of that was me not being able to cope, part of it was me wanting them to take responsibility!

HUBBY