...there will be chaos!
The past week or so have been really tough on me. Emotionally and physically hard to deal with things.
Grief is really an horrible companion. It settles in your heart and mind, and just when you think it is under control it rears its ugly head again. As time moves forward, the shock wears off and the reality of my situation sets in. Nothing is going to change, hubby is not going to walk in through the doors and give me a hug, make me laugh or offer to go shopping. That chapter of my life has finished, but I am not ready to start a new one! Most of the time I am okay but recently my fine has been so good. I keep thinking that this time last year Hisao was here. In a few months time that statement will no longer be true!
The stress I have is just day to day stuff. Some days I feel so hopeless. I applied for a credit card this week. Simple enough but I had to walk to the bank...twice, wait for over an hour each time. Spent ages filling out forms, with most forms here one of my older boys writes out the address but for the credit card I had to write in English and my son write above it in Japanese, complete waste of time and effort! Also I am realising that I need a lot more money for next year when David starts college. I have some saved but not enough! That is one big stress!
The exhaustion is from the heat. We had a week of nice cool weather but the heat is back. Plus this past week we have all had colds, slight fever and awful sore throats. Because of feeling under the weather for the past week I haven't kept up with he cleaning that needs to be done. If I miss one day things get out of hand, miss a few days and the kitchen, dinning, living room looks like a tornado has blown through. Today, Saturday, is busy for teaching. I am hoping that the kids will help out with cleaning a bit I'm not holding my breath.
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