Memories

I think there will be a few posts with this or similar titles.  As I'm down sizing I find things that trigger a nostalgic feeling. Some good memories, some not so good and some bad!  This house was where my kids transitioned from children to teens to adults.  It's where my husband died and I had to cope with everything while grieving.  It's where I got cancer and ended up in hospital for a week, and still having checks every few months.  Fifteen years, lots of memories, lots of feelings.

This morning I was talking to one of my students about raising children.  She was telling me that her commute to work was over 90 minutes and that coming home she would spend as much time as possible with her children.  One thing she did was read to her children at night or make up stories to tell them.  I remember doing this as well.  I was lucky in that I could work at home but when I was working I would focus on that.  To be honest I would sometimes feel rather resentful that I had to spend time teaching other people's kids when I wanted to be with mine, especially if the kids were rather obnoxious.  

My husband would take care of bath time.  It's a tradition in Japan to have a bath every night, not just a shower, but soak in the tub.  When the kids were little it was a good play time for them.  They would come out all wrinkly, having spent up an hour in the water.  They would then have a snack and drink, brush teeth and either watch TV or read until I had finished teaching.  I would get into bed with them and read a book or two or three until they dozed off.  Sometimes they would wake up and ask for me to finish the story.  As they got older I would read longer books to them, Roald Dahl was popular and later the Harry Potter books.  Even though I was so tired some nights I'm glad I did it as all my kids love to read and I have so many good memories from that time.

A few of the books I used to read to my kids.

These I'm keeping!  There's another one that I want to find.  It's one I took and read to Hannah everyday she was in the NICU.

A lot of the other books I can let go of, but these are so precious to me!

Non Scale Victory

 I've been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. My life is dominated by numbers, how many kilos down this week, how many centimeters off my waist.  It's so depressing.  The scales aren't accurate in showing if I've dropped a bit or not.  Sometimes even eating clean (no sugar, no processed food and little carbs) for 10 days but the scale shows a 3 kilo increase, mainly because my water intake wasn't that much.  Or I eat bad and drop about 2 kilos. So I look for other ways to measure my health and fitness.  Yesterday was a victory for me.  Maybe a small thing for other people but huge for me.

I walked to the City Hall from my house.  It's not far, about 300 meters but the last time I walked, before I started to exercise, I was in so much pain, just going about 100 meters my back, hip and knee were screaming.  This time I got to the City Hall, a little out of breath, but I was walking fast (very windy, cold and trying to rain) and I was talking to Christopher.  Had to walk around the City Hall to find the place I needed, got to sit for a few minutes while things were sorted out, then I went to the supermarket opposite the City Hall, walked around there and then back home.  I was shocked to see how much difference about 10 days of exercise made.  I'm only doing 10 minutes a day, of seated exercise, at the moment but I'm hoping to increase it as I feel better.  I want to say thank you again to my friend who challenged me, without that challenge I wouldn't be feeling so good.

Plans

I had a great plan today. Mikey, Christopher, Hannah and I were going to go to the other house and do a lot. I was going to throw out the rest of the stuff still in the house, burn as much as possible, and put the rest in the shed to be taken to the trash place.  I made these plans last week when the weather was cold and dry.  Although it's hard working in the house when it's cold, having a fire going helps, every hour or so go and warm up and start again.  The weather changed over the weekend, Sunday saw the temperature rise, Monday was warm and rainy.  Bit more difficult to work, can't burn stuff but with the temperatures up to 20C I could do some things inside, bring all the stuff to the big windows (more like sliding doors), and then the next visit just take the stuff out.  But of course, the weather changed again, Thursday and today back to winter, high of 8C and rain.  I woke up this morning trying to decide if it was worth the 40-minute drive when Mikey called me.  He has a sore throat and feels really awful.  So we didn't bother going.  I'm trying not to panic but there is so much to do at both houses and I feel like no time.  I know the problem is me, I don't want to move there so I keep putting off doing stuff.  It's not helping though.  Also, we only have one car and Mikey uses it a lot for his other jobs.  

Another worry is money.  I'm not making that much teaching.  David buys most of the food and cat stuff, Christopher and Hannah help out.  Mikey does as well.  But I always seem to be short.  I need to save to pay for things, even if we do most of the DIY ourselves we need to buy things.  Also, David and Christopher will have to get new jobs and that isn't easy. David will need his own car but I don't know how he can afford that.  Christopher needs to check his eyesight to see if he can get a driver's license.  Another worry!!  I don't want these young men stuck in that house.  They are too young to live a life of being in the house all the time with nothing to do!  I have so many regrets with my kids, so many nights I cry myself to sleep wishing I had done things differently. I know it doesn't help but that's where my mind is at.

Mama hiding

This was where we found Mama, we had a very bad thunderstorm, she gets in the shoe cupboard to hide from it.

Challenge

 After my last post on exercise, one of my friends challenged me to do 40 days of exercise.  I'm on day three and feeling awful but good!!  There is a saying in Japanese "Mika hi boz", which means giving up after 3 days.  The saying comes from Japanese Buddhism, becoming a monk is very hard so most people give up after 3 days!  I'm not giving up!  I can't give up.  I dread doing the exercises, I've found a channel on YouTube that has different levels of exercise, most for seniors or beginners, a lot of chair exercises, which I'm doing at the moment.  I feel good after but just getting going seems hard!  I'm not sure why!  Forty days takes me until March 21st, I think!  So I have to keep on! 

The reason I feel awful is the weather. It has suddenly changed.  Last week was cold, it didn't get over 10C all week, then suddenly we had rain (and a thunderstorm yesterday morning) and highs of 20C.  I feel really wiped out, the air pressure is low and giving me headaches!  Feels like spring has started!  I'm a bit worried as feeling this tired with the humidity and temperatures just up 20C, how will I cope in the real summer!  

The past couple of days I've been sorting out cupboards again, which is tiring physically and emotionally. I have to downsize, my brain knows this but my heart doesn't want to let go! I keep telling myself that the things I'm dumping are just things but it still isn't easy.  Part of it is letting go of things with more memories.  The first lot of stuff I threw out was stuff that I didn't have an attachment to, so a lot easier.  But as I throw out the easy stuff the harder it gets  Does that make sense?  For example, I have a lot of books I bought for my kids to study English, they've been used but are now just taking up.   space.  I bought these when Hannah was a year old, we visited England to see Mom as she had terminal cancer, so 21 years ago!  Part of the problem is I can remember Mom looking through them,  that was the last time I saw Mom as she passed away a year later!  When I pick them up I can hear her voice as she read passages from them.  I know these books aren't Mom but the memories they evoke are so special. I knew this move would be hard and we haven't even got to the crunch but even now it's so painful.

Have to keep going, no choice!

I made lasagna the other day.  Not that healthy but very nice.  I overcooked it a bit!

Overcooked lasagna

Soon it'll be too hot to make these kinds of meals so I'm doing a lot now!

Exercise

 I always thought I'd never done exercise but reading back on some old journals, until my knee became very painful, I exercised a lot.  I logged how many minutes I walked or used my exercise bike, how long I walked the dogs.  I also did a lot of stretching and hand weights, until  I cracked a rib!  Two things happened that stopped me from really exercising, one was having a really bad asthma attack when I was walking one time.  Very scary, I was just walking when I started to cough and couldn't breathe. After that I started to do walking at-home videos, I felt that if I had another attack then at least at home I could cope better.  The other thing that stopped me altogether is the pain I have from having arthritis in my knee.  That has made even the most simple of movements difficult.  Since I've lost about 16 kilos that feels a bit better. But still, if I've done a lot of walking one day the next day the pain is terrible.

On days when my knee isn't too bad, I try to do some walking in place or I pace up and down the corridor, when I feel adventurous I add the stairs to the tour, but not very often.  I decided I needed something I could do on the days when my knee is too painful.  So I did a search on YouTube.  There are so many to choose from.  I searched for chair exercises for seniors.  I hate that I had to add seniors to the search, but that's what I am!!  I watch the video one time so I have an idea what is coming up.  The first one was an elderly man who never smiled, I got halfway through that video and felt so depressed!  Not for me.  Next, I found a lady who has a few different ones, some just stretching, some more cardio workout, hers I liked and did for a bit.  But I wanted to try some others.  One was a yoga video, this one I didn't watch first, big mistake.  The title was Chair Yoga for Seniors/beginners.  Started off nice and easy but ended up twisting into rather interesting shapes. Not for me!  Another one was very upbeat, nice music, very happy lady showing the exercises, but I found out that I have no co-ordination at all.  Her arms and legs were working independently of each other, mine won't!!  Then there was the one where we were told to sit on the edge of the chair, I started to copy the movements only to find myself on the floor.  Lots of fun but I'm still searching!!

My big problem is that I don't keep going. I do a few weeks or months then I stop.  Usually, because something has happened that puts me off exercising, for example, a broken rib and asthma attack, sometimes I get bored. Mostly because I don't see any results, no weight loss, no change in my size.  But I'm wondering now if doing some kind of exercise is what stopped me from getting diabetes earlier.  Even though my exercise wasn't consistent I was doing some and I know that when I push to exercise I'm more careful of what I eat.  I don't like to exercise so to do less I eat better, I don't know if that makes sense but to my logic it does.  

I have to get back into doing something every day.  I need to be in better shape for moving to the other house.  Also living in that house I'll have a massive garden to take care of, plus the land nearby.  If I don't start now I'll end up being housebound, which isn't a nice idea.  Even if I can't get to the shops I should be able to walk to the land we own nearby. I hope to grow some vegetables or fruits there.

sunbathing

Of course, if we could have a cat's life there would be no problems!!!

Neighbors

 Before we moved to this house we visited it a few times.  The lady renting here was a friend of a friend, she was running an English school and wanted someone to take over.  Perfect for us.  We visited at different times and liked what we saw here.  One thing that worried me was how quiet the neighborhood was.  At that time there were no families with young kids, everybody was either old couples or had kids that were in junior high or high school.  We are a noisy family, especially when we moved here, Christopher and Hannah were still in elementary school, David in junior high, and Mikey in high school.  Mikey and Hannah play piano, we all love music, classical, musicals, pop, and rock.  I blast Queen and Meatloaf at all hours of the day.  Then we have students coming and going, usually until 9pm.  

Once we moved in we found that this quiet neighborhood isn't that quiet. One lady had a dog who would bark and howl all night, her standard greeting was "Sorry about my dog".  The son of the family behind us has some mental health problems (I think the mother does too).  The first summer here we had to call the police as we could hear, over our air conditioner and TV, the son slapping the mother and her calling for help.  This happened a few times.  Then the son decided that 1am was the best time for a bath, which is okay, but not the screeching that he thought was singing.  

Over the years new houses have been built that has bought in younger families.  Somehow it's nice to hear babies cry or kids playing in the park.  The neighborhood has a new life and that is as it should be! I was happy with the new neighbors, until yesterday.

I got inspired by this one lonely flower that is growing in my garden,

My only flower.

I decided to go out and clear a little patch so I could buy some vegetables to plant.  The weather was nice, warm and cloudy but also very windy.  Just started when I noticed my new neighbors were outside.  They had friends over so I thought they were just showing off their new home.  Then I noticed the tables being bought out and the food set out.  Then they started up the BBQ.  I gave up then as the wind was so strong and the smoke from the BBQ was blowing toward me!  Who has a BBQ in February?  I know the weather is mild but that wind was really crazy yesterday, I  wondered how safe it would be.  I came in and read for a while but could hear the neighbors talking, that's okay, but every now and then one of the ladies would let out a high-pitched squeal. The kind that sends shivers down your spine. I don't begrudge them having a BBQ but they could have chosen a day when the wind wasn't so bad!

So I've found another good thing about moving to the other house, no neighbors that close!  The house behind has been demolished, it was empty for many years.  The house in front is an elderly couple and over the road is another elderly couple.  I'll miss not hearing kids play.  The only sound of people being around is when the cars and small trucks roar past!!

Reform or Rebuild?

 After last week's meltdown, I decided to do something about the situation.

I spent hours using Google Translate to try and figure out what to do!  There are so many companies out there that either build houses or reform houses, some companies do both.  The problem is that they don't show any plans online, or estimates for reform.  If you want information you have to request a catalogue, that's alright but they keep calling, asking if you would like this deal or that deal!  If the people calling weren't working for a company they could be charged with stalking.  Anyway, I bit the bullet and asked Christopher to fill in two forms, one for a company that builds houses, the other a reform company.

This morning Christopher and I went to talk to the reform company and it was very educational.  

One big problem is the broken sewage tank for the toilet.  We asked about that, the salesman suggested calling the city hall as the city can help to pay for that as it's a health risk.  If we can get money to help pay for that or get connected to the main sewage that would be the best.

The next thing, I wanted to move the kitchen back, into the bathroom area.  The bathroom is big and basically dead space.  But one of the main support beams is in the kitchen wall, so can't move the wall.  

We asked about a loan, we can get one through the company.  He went on to explain about getting a mortgage to rebuild versus a loan to reform the house.  Apparently, because I'm inheriting the house there are certain documents I would need to get.  Just that would cost about 5,000 pounds before doing anything!

So I've decided that putting in the toilet tank is the most important, no tank we can't use the toilet.  Then a new kitchen.  I could live with the one in there but the black mold is inches thick and I have no confidence I could get it clean.  Also with mold even if you clean it, it comes back.

To help myself deal with the massive amount of stuff I have here I've been watching videos about hoarders.  I know I'm not at that stage, yet, but I think it's easy to get there.  The room I cleaned out the other week was really bad but I honestly didn't see the trash, going around with blinkers on!  One thing a lot of hoarders seem to say is that they didn't notice it was bad until it got too bad!

Fred with the toy!

The toy in the photo is one Fred bought downstairs a few months ago, problem is no one knows where it came from and who it belongs to.  I had never seen it before and all the kids say it isn't theirs.  None of the students said they had lost a toy, also it was upstairs where the students don't go.  It's a mystery, where did it come from?