Oh......Insert Favorite Swear Word

 Another night of no sleep.  The painkiller from the emergency doctor only worked one time.  Yesterday (Monday, April 29th) was a national holiday, and the hospital that I go to for bone/muscle problems was closed.  Also, Mikey had the car.

I really tried to persevere.  Mikey would have time to take me to the hospital in the afternoon.   But this morning I was feeling terrible, so David called the hospital, to make sure it was open and a taxi. This time Christopher came with me.  The hospital is an orthopedic and internal medicine hospital.  It also has a large rehabilitation room.  Because this is the week with many national holidays the hospital was very busy.

We got there at 9:30, had an x-ray then waited until 11 o'clock to see the doctor.  At one point an ambulance was called to pick up an elderly lady.  Looks like she was bought in from an old people's home, she wasn't doing very well at all!!!

Finally got to see the doctor.  He took one look at the side where the pain is and said something in Japanese that I had never heard before.  Turns out that my pulled muscle is shingles.  I had noticed a rash in the morning but thought it was an allergic reaction to a rub I had used for the pain!!

I had to wait a bit longer to see the other doctor.  He confirmed the diagnosis and prescribed antiviral medicine, a cream, and strong painkiller!!  

Yet another holiday ruined!!  Never mind, if the painkiller works at least I can read and watch TV.

One thing I'm very grateful for is the Japanese medical system.  In some ways it's difficult to navigate, there are no GPs so you have to figure out where to go.  Because I've lived here for 15 years I have an idea of where to go. Also one of my early students here was a public nurse, she introduced different hospitals to me.  The fact that even during one of the busiest times I can walk into a hospital and know that I will be seen is good.  The wait is a few hours but better than a few months in the UK.  Also, I pay into the national health system.  Last year I was paying about 40 pounds a month for Christopher, Hannah, and myself.  David's is paid through his work and Mikey pays his own.  Then at the doctors, dentist, and pharmacy, you pay just 30% of the cost.  It's not a perfect system but one of the best I've seen.

I'm trying not to panic about the other house I was planning on going for a few days during this holiday but looks like I can't do that.  I'll try to sort things out here more!!

Hannah had work at the nursery this morning.  She's also a bit under the weather, allergies, and a low-grade fever.  She was racing about to get ready but didn't notice that she had put on odd socks until she got to work.  She told the staff that it was a new fashion!

Odd socks!

Show No Hi, Showa Day

 Today is the first day of the Golden Week Holiday.  There are 4 public holidays, which gives people a chance to travel or just relax at home.  In Japan the school year starts in April, I know a lot of my students, especially in junior high or high school, look forward to this holiday, it gives them a breather and a chance to understand the changes in their schedules, especially those starting a new school.

The name Showa Day is a recent name for this holiday. When the emperor was alive it was his birthday, then it was changed to Greenery Day, to reflect the emperor's love of nature.  Greenery Day was moved to May 4th.  

Showa Day is named after the period of Emperor Hirohito, he was emperor from 1926 to his death in 1989.  This period brought about a lot of changes in Japan.  Of course, Japanese expansionism continued, and then World War Two.  The defeat of Japan after the atomic bombs and the first time for people to hear the emperor when he made the speech announcing Japan's surrender.

For a lot of people, however, the term Showa period brings up a feeling of nostalgia for the recovery period after WW2.

There are many Showa museums that seem to focus on the period from the 1960s to the end of the 1980s.  These museums showcase how the average family would have lived, the father going off to work, the mother staying at home and the kids studying hard in school.  Some kind of ideal life.  What they don't show is the father working all hours, and the mother left to do all the housework and childrearing.  

The 1964 Olympics showcased the new Japan, a country that was running headlong into the future.  A country that was desperately trying to put behind the past and focus solely on making the best country ever.  I remember watching a video in secondary school about Japan and how Japan was modernizing at a rapid rate.  I was awe-struck by the scenes of Tokyo, this massive modern city but also saddened that Japan was losing its traditions.  I'm happy that there seems to be a more balanced approach to life now, bringing in the modern, and the future but at the same time honoring the past and the traditions.  Also, since the pandemic, there has been a wave of young people moving back to the countryside.

For me, the idea of Showa Day is a chance to reflect on how Japan managed to become one of the richest countries in the world after its defeat in WW2 and where the country is going.  There are a lot of problems in Japan, the biggest ones at the moment are the economy and the falling birth rate.  I have no idea how to fix either!!!

A few years ago David, Hannah and I went to a Showa Museum.  I have a few photos from that trip.

typical classroom

the metal trays are from the school lunch

no idea what this is but it is freaky!

Movie posters

TV

love the old phone

I think Hannah took these photos, she was interested in the classroom, more than the other displays!

WHY???

 Last week I was joking with my students that my holidays have two patterns.  I'm either very busy cleaning or sick.  I then told them that this ten-day holiday I was going to clean for a few days and then spend time preparing lessons and reading or watching movies, I wasn't going to get sick!

Guess where I ended up this morning.....at the emergency room!  Because of the holidays, the hospital I usually go to is closed until Tuesday and the pain in my side and back was getting worse!  Saturday night was another night of no sleep, even with stronger pain killer I still couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep, I dozed for about an hour!  The weird thing is that standing isn't painful but sitting and especially lying down are very painful.  I did wonder if I could sleep standing up!!  

So this morning I went to the hospital where I had my surgery, it's the nearest emergency room, Mikey had the car so I had to use a taxi.  There weren't many patients but just as I finished talking to the nurse an ambulance came in so I had to wait a while longer!   Hannah came with me, she is very organized and had taken notes on her phone before we saw the doctor so she could explain things.  I can understand but sometimes the doctors use a word or phrase that I'm not sure of and I feel that it's better to have someone help out!  I got a CT scan, the doctor couldn't see any cracks on my ribs and thought it was just muscle pain.  I thought the same thing, also if it's a cracked rib there is nothing that can be done except take strong painkiller and wait for it to heal.  The doctor showed me the scan and a 3D image of my ribs, that was very cool!!  Came home with some strong medicine for the next couple of days, if it's still painful I can go to the other hospital for more medicine.

So yet again my holiday got off to a bad start!!  I still have eight days, so let's hope things turn around and I can get some jobs done!!  Actually May is the last chance before it gets really hot and humid, which I find difficult to deal with!!   

Yesterday Hannah went out to dinner with the staff from the cram school she works at.  The manager was quitting so they held a goodbye party.  She had a good time except for the fried shrimp with the eyes still in.  She sent me a photo and said trauma.  This comes from when Hisao made miso soup and put in whole shrimp.  Hannah spooned one out and screamed her head off, she was only 7 at the time so understandable!  Since then she doesn't like shrimp with the heads on!!

the trauma shrimp!

She also saw this sign, which says "Don't feed the cats"  She wasn't impressed by that!

Don't feed the cats!

I hope that I can get some jobs done tomorrow!! We will see!!

The Pain.....

 Of getting old! I tell myself that age is just a number but my body thinks otherwise!

I think I pulled a muscle on my left side.  I picked up one of the cats and felt something pull as I stood up. That was on Wednesday, Thursday the pain started, Thursday night I couldn't sleep. But I still went to the other house on Friday.   Then another night of no sleep.

And of course, today starts 10 days holiday for me!  I can't win sometimes!  Christopher has gone to see if he can get some stronger painkillers!

I managed to get some of the boxes out of the last small room, most were empty.  I put together a few more bags to take to the trash place and had another look at the bees.  Still wondering what to do.  When we moved there, about 16 years ago, we had the same problem!  Hisao bought some spray and just sprayed it into the vent, I'm not that brave!

I don't know if you can see the bees but this is the vent they are using!  I think I'll get some net to put over and then spray them.  I honestly don't know what else to do.  I want this fixed as soon as possible as it's under the tatami room.  I want to see if I can take up the tatami mats and the floor underneath to check the foundation.  Termites are a big problem in Japan and I want to make sure that we don't have that problem!

Also, there are more cracks.

Crack in the foundation

This has been there for a long time but it was just the top part.  Where it turns and goes down is new.  We had a small earthquake the other week and I think it shook the house just enough to make this crack grow!

another crack

This is near the front door and completely new.

I wish I had the money to take this house down and rebuild but that is a pipe dream!

I took some photos of the outside.  When the weather is nice it is a good place. I guess everywhere looks miserable in the rain.

The side of the house

driveway

the mountains

I want to take out most of the trees in front of the house and put up a deck.  There is already too much shade from the roof and having so many trees just cuts what little bit of sunlight we might get!  Also, I can dream of BBQs and building a pizza oven!

And I saw a ladybird!  I haven't seen these in years!

little ladybird

After the house, I went shopping on the way home. There's a supermarket nearby that has cheap meat, a lot cheaper than near where we live now.  I had a laugh at the sign on the bananas.  The label on the bananas said 'Go For It' the staff tried to copy that but messed up.

What is 'Fo'?

Feeling Better

 After my last post, I decided that I really don't have time to deal with depression.

So I gave myself a good talking to and walked to the store with Hannah to buy something for dinner.  Just that little walk helped me a lot.

Yesterday I got up at 5am to get Hannah's breakfast, 3 mornings a week she is working at a nursery, she starts at 7:30.  While Hannah got ready I did some exercises.  I found a gentle chair yoga video to do.  The last exercise is stretching your hands over your head as you breathe in, putting your hands together in a prayer pose, breathing out, and bringing your hands down.  As you do this the instructor asks you to think of something you are grateful for.  Nice way to end an exercise session.  I managed to clean the floor and made lasagna for lunch.

lasagna for lunch

I also made a nice chicken salad for dinner.  All in all a good day.

This morning's plan was to go to the other house but it was pouring down with rain and trying to get anything done in the rain is difficult.  So I canceled those plans.  I've spent the morning reading and cleaning.  This afternoon I have to sort out one room that has become a dumping ground.  I don't know if this happens in other people's houses but I always seem to have a room that is the place where things that don't have a home end up!!  I know it's a bad habit that I have but it's just so easy to move things out of the living area into a room that isn't used very often!!  Also, I need to think about packing things to take to the other house.  I'm hoping to have gas, electricity, and water on again by May so I can start to clean and fix things.  I plan to bring things we don't use every time we go.  Things like the bakeware that I don't use in the summer can be boxed up, and winter clothes and blankets as well.  

I really don't have time to be depressed or sick!!!

The end of April and the beginning of May is the Golden Week holiday.  There are 4 national holidays and is one of the biggest holiday seasons in Japan.  The warm weather is just right for getting out and going places.  One problem is that everybody has the same idea.  Anywhere that is famous or popular will be packed, even getting to the toilet can take up to an hour.  I don't go out during this holiday, even shopping can be hard.  I was hoping to use the holiday to finish the other house but Mikey is working and using the car.  So my plan is to clean here and just relax, read, and watch TV.  I'll let you know how that goes!!!!

Depression

 So it's started.

I've suffered from depression most of my life.  I understand now that there isn't that much I can do about it, just wait until it passes.

It's not just feeling sad, it's a feeling of having no energy whatsoever, even the easiest of tasks takes so much energy.  For example, this morning I vacuumed one room and felt exhausted!  Most days I can clean, cook, and teach.  I do take more breaks than I used to but I can get things done.  But since Saturday it has taken an effort just to get out of bed.  At first, I thought I was just tired from Friday's cleaning at the other house but then I realized that I had no interest in doing other things, even watching TV felt too difficult.

Part of this is our money situation.  We have no money at all.  I struggle each month just to make the bills. The kids help out but their wages are low, even working extra they still only make about  600 pounds (and that is a good wage).  Actually, most people in Japan need two jobs to make ends meet. One knock effect of this is that people aren't coming for English lessons.  We haven't had any new students at all this past month which is very unusual as April is the start of the school year here and parents want extra help for their kids.  We are still advertising, I've asked David to update our web page to include online lessons!  But we aren't the only ones not getting new students, a lot of similar small companies teaching English are struggling!

I've looked at making money online but everything is US or UK-centered, most companies won't pay to Japan.  Even doing things like surveys aren't available here, there are some in Japanese but I can't read that much.  I know they don't pay much but even getting a few Amazon gift cards would help pay for the cat food.

All the things I have to pay for at the other house weigh heavy on me!  I know that once we move there I will save on the rent money but I have to pay for things before we move there.  The bee hive (I think they are more like wasps) needs to be taken out.  The minimum cost is over 60 pounds, but the nest is in a place that is difficult to access, so maybe a lot more!  The cracks in the foundation need to be checked and sealed up before winter,  I have no idea that cost!

Then there's Hannah.  She is going to graduate school form next year.  I would to help her with buying things for her apartment. I know I don't have to but it would be nice!

The weather isn't helping either.  It's raining and starting to get humid!  

David with the cats!!!

I'll try to post something happier another day!!

David

 David has been working at an internet cafe for a few years now.

The place he works has individual rooms that can be rented, karaoke rooms, and other amusements.  They also serve meals, as long as it can be fried or done in the microwave.  The place is registered as a hotel and is near the highway exit.  When the weather is very bad (especially typhoons when the highway has to close) the cafe can get very busy.

He enjoys working there but has to put up with some rather interesting situations.  He told me that a least twice a month he has to call the police. 

Last summer an older man locked himself out of the room he was renting, that was no problem but he was wandering around in his underwear!

The other week a customer said the Wi-Fi had stopped working.  David said that he put the customer onto another computer while he checked what had happened.  The customer started on about the cafe being hacked and the Russians were behind it.  David laughed but then realized that the customer was serious.

Last week they had a very interesting customer!!

An owl!!  It just walked in and sat in the middle of the floor.

David managed to get it back outside, it was very sleepy.

After work, David went to check on it but it had gone.

Being Tested

 First of all, we had an earthquake Wednesday night.  The epicenter was in the sea between Kyushu and Shikoku.  The center was M6.6.  Here it was about an M3.  I had just fallen asleep when the earthquake alarm went off on my phone.  This is a good system but it's rather scary to be woken up by the phone shouting, in Japanese, there's an earthquake, there's an earthquake.  I didn't feel so much but the light was swaying like crazy.  My biggest problem with earthquakes is there unpredictability.  We get typhoons, which can be scary but at least I know when it will come and when it will finish.  I can prepare and then just wait out the storm.  Earthquakes just happen and when it's a big one there will be after shocks.

I am really trying to be positive about moving, but every time I go to the other house I find another problem. 

Yesterday I found that there is a bee hive under the house in the crawl space.  The bees are using the air vents to get in and out.  I need to deal with this quickly.  Also found more cracks in the base of the house.  There was a small crack before but it has grown and branched out, maybe Wednesday night's earthquake.  Again something that needs to be seen to sooner rather than later.  

David went on Friday and got a lot done.  He managed to get the horrible carpet up from the dining area.  He also burnt most of the stuff.  I could actually see some progress.  We have bags to take to the city trash place, which will be after the Golden Week holiday.  April is the month when many people move house so the trash place is very busy!

dining area is cleaned out

having a break

banana peel?

We got there before 8am by 9:30 I was tired and desperate for the toilet.  David and I went to the local supermarket and got some cold drinks and something to eat.  We sat outside, it was so nice, just the right weather to enjoy the quiet and bird song.  I'm thinking of taking down some of the bigger trees in front of the windows and making space for a BBQ, Christopher wants to build a pizza oven.

More lovely flowers.  It's going to take a lot of time and effort to get the garden back but something else to work on!

Again I think I overdid it!!  I ache and feel very tired but at the same time, I feel that we did a lot of good!!

I'm Trying

 I really am but Japanese bureaucracy drives me crazy.  I just want to give up and stay here!

We can't use the local city trash place because our address is in the next city.  It's a problem but we can use the trash place where we live, it just means driving a bit further.  The next problem is that we can't get the sewage system set up because we aren't living there.  That is crazy, even David explained that we are moving there in October and our address will officially change then they won't set up the sewage system.  So I would like to know how to clean the house without a place to throw out the dirty water.  I feel like screaming.  I was hoping not to have to go to the city hall but looks like I will have to spend a few hours filling out loads of forms to change my address before we move.  My experience with that city hall is not good at all.  It's a 20-floor building and trying to find the right department for things is a nightmare.  When my mother-in-law was in the hospital and needed to go into an old people's home David and I spent an hour going to different departments to get answers.  We finally gave up and asked at the hospital what to do.  They arranged a meeting with 10 other people, I asked who they were and what department they represented but they didn't answer, so I asked why are you here and again no answer.  We talked and only two people answered the questions we had.  Again bureaucracy gone crazy!!  The problem with my mother-in-law was that on paper she looked rich, she owned her own house and land but the reality was she had no money.  I still have a bad taste in my mouth from that.  Still, it looks like I'll have to go and see to it!

Yesterday Hannah got sick.  She woke up with a sore throat but no fever so she went to the nursery where she is working part time.  Came back at lunchtime with a 38C fever.  She has managed to sleep and feels a bit better today, her fever is down, which is good.  She always gets very high fevers, which is a worry. 

I'm also feeling rather done in.  I ache from all the cleaning at both houses plus my allergies have kicked in.  I'm coughing and sneezing plus I have ear ache.  I love spring but I could do without the allergies.

Alfie and Fluffy

These two got me into trouble the other day.  Hannah was sitting on this seat, I asked her to make some tea, as soon as she got up they got on.  I told Hannah to move them instead of moaning at me, she said that they looked too comfortable, so she sat on the floor!!

Oh Bother

I have another video to put on but I keep getting an error message.  I tried to edit it so that it's smaller but it didn't work.  I think I'll do a few more and then upload them to YouTube.  Looks like learning how to edit, do voice-over, and put on subtitles.  Might take a couple of weeks so be patient with me!

On the way back on Friday I stopped by a supermarket that I hadn't been into for years.  I was pleasantly surprised by the big selection of fresh fish!  Fish is popular in Japan but recently it has become very expensive and there doesn't seem to be as much selection as before!

I bought some cod (I think it was cod, it was a nice fleshy white fish) and made beer-battered fish for lunch on Saturday.  

Beer-battered fish

I usually do chips but the supermarket had these lovely big potatoes so I decided on baked potatoes and of course, green peas, which are hard to get here.  I've only seen them in one store!!

I'm making a roast for today's lunch, then I'm taking it easy!  I've already cleaned the windows and am doing a second load of laundry. The weather is nice but it's going to be rather warm this afternoon, up to 28C.   It's really spring!

Next week is going to be another busy week, I hope to get to the city hall tomorrow to sort out the sewage situation, and at least two days cleaning out the last trash from the other house.  Also, I want to do some more cleaning and sorting here.  I need a lot more energy!!  The kids are helping but they have work as well, so trying to do things around 5 different schedules is like a juggling act!

Blog vs Vlog

 I enjoy writing this blog.  I enjoy the process of writing, ordering my thoughts so they make sense to others, finding photos, and seeing the end result.  I also enjoy the feedback and help I've gotten from people.

Recently, however, I've noticed that vlogging is becoming very popular.  Maybe it's just me as I know vlogging has been around for a while but I haven't been so aware of it.

There are a few types of vlogs that I like to watch.  One is about Aikya, which, means an empty house.  These are properties where the owner has died and either there are no relatives to inherit the property or they aren't interested in the property.  Even though Akiya are found everywhere in Japan, the videos I have been watching are about young people who have bought these houses in the countryside, wanting a slow lifestyle after being burnt out in corporate Japan.  The houses themselves are cheap to buy but the new owners have to spend a lot to renovate the house.  The end result is a nice house in the countryside.  I like the time-lapse videos, one year in half an hour.  They also make the process look easy, which it isn't! 

The other ones I watch are Japanese ladies, two are closer to my age and the other is a mother with five young children.  The lady with five children has interesting recipes and I have gotten a lot of new ideas from her videos.

The two older ladies are living a slow life, enjoying gardening, cooking, and life in the countryside.  Again many ideas for cooking and gardening.  Also, they seem so happy and grateful for their lifestyle, something I need.

Yesterday when we went to the other house I decided that I should take some videos, maybe make a YouTube channel.  I mean how hard can it be?  A lot harder than I thought.  My first attempt had me tripping over things.  So I asked Christopher to do the video, while commentated.  That worked out a bit better but I really don't like my voice.  I've watched the video but turned the sound down.

Here is that video.

 A few things to point out.  The tatami room has the Buddhist altar in it, and the dining room has the Kamidana, the Shinto God Shelf.  Also when I'm showing the kitchen/ dining room from the bathroom there is a wall fan on the right-hand side that looks gray/black.  It's actually white!!  That's how much dust and dirt has accumulated in the house.  The piles of stuff in the dining room are about a quarter of when we started.  It took me ages to figure out what to do with the stuff that we can't burn.  Smaller things I've put into the city trash bags and bought them back here to dispose of.  The larger things we will take to the dump.  But I want to wait until after the Golden Week holiday.  April is the month that a lot of people move house so the trash place is very busy, up to an hour wait!  The last room is what all the rooms looked like when we started, so I think we've done well.

I also like the idea of having a record of what we are doing and how things are progressing.  Every time I go there I feel as if nothing has been done so being able to look back and see how far we have come might help!

This is going to be a learning curve but I think it will be good for me!

I took a few photos as well of the yard, as there are some beautiful flowers!

A lot of color!

What A Morning

At the other house, we have a load of trash that can't be burnt.   I've spent hours going down a rabbit hole of web pages to figure out how to get rid of this trash. I found the trash disposal place in the city where the other house is but we don't have ID for that city so we can't use it.  So I thought about leaving the trash until we move and get ID.  Then I realized that a lot of the stuff, plastic bowls, plastic baskets, glass bottles, and plastic bags are things I throw into the city trash bags that we use here.  In Japan, each city has its own trash bags,  we have to buy them and that is how the trash collection is paid for.  So this morning I filled 5 big bags and bought them back here.  Not the best thing but at least I got rid of some more stuff!!

This morning turned out to be rather crazy.

First I overslept.  I had set my alarm for 5:30 so I could make breakfast but I didn't get up until almost 6 o'clock!  I made Hannah a quick breakfast and decided to pick up something for Mikey, Christopher and myself on the way. 

The plan was to drop off Hannah at the train station and then go to the other house.  We took off but Mikey wasn't going toward the train station. I asked where he was going he said to the nursery where Hannah is working!  He had to turn round and dash to the station.  She made the train okay!

We got to the other house and started to burn stuff and put the other trash into the bags.  Filled up 6 bags.  I went to finish gathering stuff from the bathroom.  I found a newspaper that was used for covering the shelf, the date was 1994.  I had to carefully fold the newspaper as there was so much dust on it.  I was really getting into the swing of things, finding what I could do.  Suddenly Mikey appeared shouting for me.  He really knows how to make me panic.  He was shouting "Mom, Mom, we have a big problem"  Of course my first thought was something had happened to Hannah or David.  I went running outside ( I can run, especially if I think something awful has happened or I see a bug).  Mikey was looking at his phone, so I was really worried. He said that we had a volunteer class at one of the community centers near where we live at 10am, it was about 9:30, and it takes at least 40 minutes between cities.  We had no teaching materials, no lesson plan, nothing.  I was feeling rather grubby, covered in dust, and a bit sweaty. 

I think Mikey broke the speed limit on the way there.  But we got there just a few minutes late and did an okay lesson.  

So what I thought would be a good morning of cleaning turned out to be a rather chaotic morning.  Never mind!

Two of my husbands paintings are hanging in the bathroom.  I need them to find a better place for them but one is rather strange.

This is nice

This is the strange one!!

Spring Cleaning

 Jackie style.

This means I tell the kids what to do, they make excuses why they don't have time, I tell them that if they want lunch they should clean!  We did well this morning, got one corner cleaned out.  We had bought a cage for the cats but only used it a couple of times.  We might need it later but not at the moment.  So we broke it down and put it in a box to take to the other house on Monday!  

Another thing I did was to start making decisions about what to take and what to dump.  We have a lovely dining table but since Hisao died we haven't used it so much, maybe 6 times in the past 11 years.  The cats have messed on it and I really don't know if the smell will come out.  We clean up as soon as we see a mess but if they do it overnight then it does sit for a few hours.  Yes, they have clean litter boxes but I think that sometimes the cats get stressed and then start marking.  It's an ongoing problem and I am trying to fix things but.....! So I'm going to get rid of the table!! It's also too big for the other house, so kind of no choice.

Of course, I feel sad, it feels as if a lot of the things that Hisao and I bought together are at the end of there usefulness and need to be replaced.  I know that Hisao's memories are in my heart but sometimes it still hurts to let go. 

At the table!!

This is what I think about when I think about the dining table.  This was exactly one year before he died!!

Maybe that is also part of why it's hard to move from here.  We were really happy here.  We still had problems but for the first time in ages, I felt that I could close the door and be happy in this house!

Yesterday, after trying to clean at the other house I went shopping.  I found a whole chicken.  Usually, whole chickens are only available near Christmas.  Very small, just over a kilo, but half price, so I got it. Today I made a roast dinner, it's still cool enough to enjoy it!  Because I knew that there wouldn't be much meat on the chicken I cooked some extra breast meat with it.  Nice lunch!

Tiny chicken

Cooked up nicely!!

Feeling Overwhelmed

 Another morning at the other house.  Another morning of feeling overwhelmed and that nothing is getting done.  It is but it is so slow and sometimes I feel like I'm just moving the trash from one place to another. The big problem is the load of plastic and glass things.  Half of the dining area is full of boxes that have plastic in them, baskets, bowls, containers of all sizes, old makeup, some little electrical things, old lights the list goes on and on.  My plan was to put the stuff in boxes and drive to the garbage disposal site.  This is where the problem comes in. We can't use the city garbage place because we aren't residents.  

I've looked at companies that do house cleaning but it's so expensive.  We are talking about 3,000 pounds just to remove some of the trash.  Some companies have a cleaning service but then we are looking at over 5,000 pounds.  We've sent out some inquiries to see if the companies can let us pay month by month.

I want this finished!  But one car and not having everybody available at the same time makes it hard. 

I'm also upset at the old man who has been cutting down some of the trees.  I understand that he thinks he is helping and I'm grateful for the help but he had cut down the blueberry bushes and the plum trees.  I'm hoping that the plums (Japanese plums) will grow as David makes this nice drink from them.  It's a bit sour but diluted with some soda water and poured over ice makes it very refreshing in the hot summer!!  

 At least today I could go to the other house and not get angry or upset.  I feel a bit better.  Still hard but no choice.

Hannah started a new part-time job on Monday, working at one of the local nurseries.  Just 3 days a week for about 5 hours.  At the moment there aren't that many children as it's the spring holiday but soon it will get busy.  She is enjoying more than working at the drug store but she's very tired!  

Azaleas

The only flowers that bloom here!  They are nice but early, I always thought they bloomed in May!!!

Energy

 I'm not talking about electricity or gas, I'm talking about my energy and how I seem to waste it!

As I'm cleaning out things I keep finding my old journals.  During my frequent breaks, I sit and read through them!  One thing I've found is that I don't learn my lessons.

I came across a diary from 25 years ago.  I had a holiday from teaching, this was in April, so spring holiday.  I wrote that I was making party food for the kids when one of my students turned up.  I had told him that it was a holiday but he forgot, so I had to teach him.  I wrote that I taught him, but inside I was fuming!  I had lost an hour with my kids, lost the time I was using to do something nice for my kids.  I was really angry.  I somehow managed to do a spring party with the kids, we ate nice food and watched a movie together. I realized that I had spent so much energy being angry about something that I couldn't change.  The kid had been dropped off, the mother didn't wait to see if there was a class and we had no way to contact her.  I concluded that I would have felt better if I had just accepted the situation and taught with a better feeling.  I felt so tired having these angry feelings!

But have I learned my lesson?  Of course not.

I still get angry at things I can't change.  I'm angry that I have to move, I'm angry at myself more than anybody else.  I should have taken better care of the yard.  I have excuses, my grief, having cancer, having problems with my knee and just having no energy!  But they are just excuses, I should have pushed the kids to help more.  I should have gone out and done just a few minutes every day instead of letting things get so out of hand that a few hours isn't enough!

Yesterday I was angry at the mess in the kitchen.  David cooked lunch, which I was very grateful for but he left a mess.  I had the most awful headache, a 24-hour headache because of the most incredible storms.  I was tired and irritable. Seeing the mess just pushed me over the edge.  I started to put away the clean dishes but ended up breaking one as I was banging around so much.  I stopped for a bit took a deep breath and remembered what I had written, I couldn't stop the mess, it was already there, but I could talk to David and suggest that he cleans as he cooks.  I calmed down, managed to clean most of the mess, and make dinner, I even baked some muffins.

I might be late but I am learning things.  I am hoping to deal with my flights of anger, to use that energy in a better, more positive way.  

The thunderstorm we had from Tuesday evening to Wednesday night was really bad!  Wednesday morning, 11am, it was as dark as the evening!  So much rain!  In a prefecture near here, about 2 hours drive, a group of high school boys were practicing soccer when lightning struck.  18 were taken to hospital, two of them in critical condition.  Mikey went out, he said that he could see small landslides in the mountains.  I hope our other house is alright, it's at the foot of a mountain, and there is a stream that runs behind the property.  The stream has been concreted and is rather deep, about 3 meters.  Most of the time there is very little water but when we get heavy rain it can fill up very quickly!  Mikey and I can go tomorrow and see if everything is alright!

Fred in his top

Hannah bought this top for Fred, it covers where the cyst was so he can't lick it. He wore it for a couple of days, then he managed to get it off.  We left it off for a few days but noticed that he was bleeding today so Hannah put it back on!

AGE

 I keep seeing on videos, and posts that age is just a number.

I believe that until I go to the other house, spend a day working, and end up feeling like death warmed over the next day.  Then the number of years my body has been on this earth really shows!  One meme going around says "My brain thinks I'm in my 30s, my sense of humor is like a 12-year-old and my body died in the Civil War"  That about sums me up nicely!

The reason I'm writing about age is a documentary I watched the other day about women having babies later in life.  These were ladies in their 40s, 50s and one lady at 60 who had babies.

My question is how do they have the energy to do it?  I won't teach preschool kids because I know that I don't have the energy to engage with them, even for 30 minutes, once a week.  How does a woman having a baby at 60 cope when her baby gets to be 2 years old?  It really made me think.  I know that everybody is different, maybe they don't have health issues, maybe they feel more secure in their relationships and are financially secure so having a baby isn't that daunting?   

The documentary also made me sad.  They interviewed one girl who was just 10 years old, her parents were in their late 50s.  This girl said that she had to be independent because her parents were older and they might die while she was still young.  That's so sad, a ten-year-old shouldn't be thinking like that.  I know Hannah was only 10 when Hisao passed away but that was sudden, she never thought he would die so young!

So how to face aging?  I want to be here for a while longer.  I have a lot of things that I want to do, places to see, experiences to be had.  One thing I've realized is that health, physical and mental health, play an important part in growing old.  

Since I've started to exercise more I do feel a lot better.  I have less pain in my knee.  This time last year I thought I would lose my mobility now I'm moving more.  The other day I went upstairs to get something, I realized that a couple of months ago I would have asked one of the kids to get it for me! Even though my exercises are very gentle it's enough at this time to help me along.  I hope to do more as I feel better.

Mental health is another factor in growing old.  I will admit that the idea of having to start over at 62 is not appealing.  I was hoping to be settled and to focus on other aspects of my life.  Instead, I have to uproot and move to an area and house that does not inspire me.  If you have read any of my posts about the other house you will know that it is driving me crazy.  It's going to be hard, physically and mentally but I've been through worse and survived.  

I am trying to find things to be happy about. I am trying to be positive and find something good in the other house.  It's hard but I have no choice.  One of my friends told me that I shouldn't spend time just moaning, which is very true.  I need to spend time to be productive, to get things done then have time to do things that I enjoy.

In Japan, April is the start of the school year.  Spring is a time of renewal in nature so I am going to try and renew myself.  Be more positive and find good things!

And I know that saying this I'll be challenged when I go to the other house on Friday!

More cherry blossoms

These are from Hannah.  This is a little park near her university!